I have been sitting here trying to sort my thoughts into something at least partially comprehensible. Last week was a busy week, but it doesn't hold a candle to the amount of energy needed for me to successfully finish this week. I have doctor's appointments today and Wednesday, then eye surgery on Friday with a follow up at the eye surgeon's office on Saturday.
As if that were not enough, Daddy, my sisters and I have an appointment with a Hospice Case Manager on Thursday afternoon. During the last hospitalization, the lung specialist advised that we do this and begin developing a relationship with the Hospice team so that the transition from Home Health care to Hospice care can be as near seamless as possible for Daddy and for us when that time comes.
I have walked this road before and I do not hesitate to say I am not prepared for another journey on this particular pathway. However, whether I'm ready or not, the journey must be made. I openly admit my feelings are selfish ones. I know full well that the conclusion of this journey will mean Daddy is at home with Jesus and will never suffer again. As I said, I know my feelings are selfish. As the Diamond Rio song goes "God only cries for the living".
I often think of that scripture that advises us to weep when a baby is born and rejoice when a saint makes their final journey as the angels escort them into their eternal rest. When I was younger, I simply could not understand that. Terry and I were making monumental investments into achieving a full term pregnancy and birth of a child. Investments not only financially, but emotionally and spiritually as well. How could it be that all the tears we had shed when we lost a pregnancy, or simply refused to attain one, were wrong?
As I aged and matured, I came to understand that our tears were not wrong, but did come from a place of incomplete understanding. After having witnessed the trials of others parenting their children and the joys of saints making their final crossing, I now more clearly understand that scripture and indeed have come to view my own mortality as a blessing and my call to go home as an exciting time and place in my future.
Daddy has talked a lot lately about dying grace. I told him that, after having witnessed Terry's home going, I am absolutely sure that the Lord grants dying grace to His children. However, I do not believe it is an event, but a process in which the Lord grants the grace you need to meet each day's challenges as you make your journey. We receive the strength for the journey, the peace with the process, and the understanding of what is happening to us as we progress on the pathway. It is as though God spoon feeds His children during that transition just as He did when were young and immature Christians.
So, we will make a definite step on Daddy's journey this week. As the Lord reminds us in His Word....