Aunt Di's Experimental Life

Suffering.........

2012-01-11T05:03:00.000-06:00

This is a difficult month for me. January is the anniversary month of my husband's home going. His last days remain so fresh in my mind and in my heart. In like manner, the pain also remains fresh. I have struggled through each January since.

I have had well-meaning friends and loved ones advise me to "just move forward", or "don't think about it", etc. All that is within me wants to scream at those people "Don't tell me what to do or how to do it"! I don't do that because I know they mean well. However, I wonder how often I have made some one's pain more difficult to bear by taking it too lightly. I never meant to, I simply didn't know what else to say. Now, I realize that's exactly what my friends and family are facing with me. They haven't experienced this loss and they don't know how to help me and that hurts them because they love me.

They say things to me like "just be thankful you had him while you did", or "at least you didn't have to bury your child; nothing in this world hurts like burying your child". I am thankful Terry and I had wonderful years together and I will never know the pain of burying my child because I was never blessed with a child that lived.

I often wonder how those people would feel if I said to them "well, just be thankful you had children, I never had any". It would be a rude and heartless thing to say. I never want to make any one's pain deeper or more difficult to bear and I know others don't intentionally do things to hurt me. Still..............it hurts.

It hurts when people think that my pain should be less because Terry loved me so completely, because we had 35+ years together, because he was kind and affectionate and good. Don't they realize that, because of all those things, my pain is worse because I had so much more to lose?

I don't know how it feels to lose a child that you have held in your arms, loved through childhood, or even seen grow into adulthood; I never will. I do know how it feels to sit in your doctor's office and hear him tell you that you have lost your baby; the baby you have waited for, prayed for, gone through every imaginable medical procedure and begged God for. I know that pain and have experienced it three times after trying for over 10 years just to accomplish pregnancy. I cannot imagine losing a child you have had with you; it must take a piece of your heart away; how could it be any other way?

The truth is that losing someone you love is painful. Why is it that we want to quantify our pain and make it worse to experience one loss over another? A friend recently posted on Facebook that a person who loses their partner is called a widow, a child who loses a parent is called an orphan, but a parent who loses a child has no name because there is no word that can describe that pain. My first thought was "how could you possibly know since you haven't experienced either"? She has both her parents, all three of her children plus all her grandchildren and three husbands plus a couple of 'friends' she's had along the way. (You see, I am human and I may not say it, but I sure think it!)

Why is it that we want to make our own pain worse than any pain experienced by others? Why can't we just love each other and empathize with each other when we suffer? Can't we just let pain be pain and loss be loss without trying to make martyrs of ourselves? How inexcusable must we be before God? I often wonder if He wants to speak up and say "have you ever given your only Son as a sacrifice for a totally selfish and unthankful human race"? Hmmmm, why don't we all try comparing our loss to that one? I don't know about you, but that shuts my complaining mouth in an instant!

How thankful I am that I serve a living God who loves me and understands my pain in a way no human being can. Even when I'm at my worst, He loves me and has compassion for me without judging my pain. He accepts me as I am and comforts me in His arms. What an incredible blessing it is to know Him and to experience His love and acceptance!

In my distress I prayed to the Lord,

and the Lord answered me and set me free.

The Lord is for me, so I will have no fear.

What can mere people do to me?

Psalm 118: 5-6 (NLT)

God Is My Fortress

2012-01-08T07:10:00.000-06:00

Avadon Black Fortress

Some friends and I have been having an online discussion regarding some things that currently unfolding in world events. We agree it is fulfillment of Bible prophecy that these things are happening. We cannot control current events or how nations and governments conduct themselves. However, we have the best resource available when our world troubles us.........the living Word of God. It matters not how events develop, our God remains in control.

As a Christian, I find solace and comfort in that. My ending is established in the throne room of heaven. I have nothing to fear. Praise God for an election made sure on the day I asked Jesus Christ to reside in my heart and to cleanse me from sin. Bad things and bad people will be in my life and in yours. Does your soul have a place of comfort and refuge? If not, may I introduce you the the King of Glory? He is the answer when it seems your world is falling apart.

A Mighty Fortress Is Our God, a hymn with both lyrics and melody composed by Martin Luther, was written by Luther between 1527 and 1529. It is a basic paraphrase of the 46th Psalm. This hymn has been dear to my heart for many years.

A Mighty Fortress Is Our God

A mighty fortress is our God, a bulwark never failing;

Our helper He, amid the flood of mortal ills prevailing:

For still our ancient foe doth seek to work us woe;

His craft and power are great, and, armed with cruel hate,

On earth is not his equal.

Did we in our own strength confide, our striving would be losing;

Were not the right Man on our side,

the Man of God’s own choosing:

Dost ask who that may be? Christ Jesus, it is He;

Lord Sabaoth, His Name, from age to age the same,

And He must win the battle.

And though this world, with devils filled, should threaten to undo us,

We will not fear, for God hath willed

His truth to triumph through us:

The Prince of Darkness grim, we tremble not for him;

His rage we can endure, for lo, his doom is sure,

One little word shall fell him.

That word above all earthly powers, no thanks to them, abideth;

The Spirit and the gifts are ours through Him Who with us sideth:

Let goods and kindred go, this mortal life also;

The body they may kill: God’s truth abideth still,

His kingdom is forever.

I pray all will have a blessed Lord's Day. What a joy to know God is my fortress and I have nothing to fear!

“Be still, and know that I am God!

I will be honored by every nation.

I will be honored throughout the world.”

The Lord of Heaven’s Armies is here among us;

the God of Israel is our fortress.

Psalm 46: 10-11 (NLT)

Who I Am

2012-01-06T21:35:00.000-06:00

I feel so much like this bolt of lightning.....fractured into many strands and seemingly going off in all the wrong directions, making my journey frustrating but not keeping me from reaching my destination.

I feel so confused, dejected, lost, alone, sad, lonely, hopeless, apathetic, lethargic, angry, disappointed, overcome........

Then Jesus........that's all it takes......the Lord speaks to my heart, He opens my mind, He sends a text or an email or a Facebook message or a telephone call.....then I realize just how much I have to be thankful for.

I rehearse memories of love and life from my past. I take a good look around to appreciate all the blessings of my present. I ponder my future and a life filled with the grace of God, a beautiful family, a bevy of sisters of my heart, a church family that draws me in and invite me to share their life. Ultimately I rejoice in the promise of my transportation to my eternal home with my Jesus at the end of my temporal existence.

When I stop to ponder those things, I realize my life is so full of color, excitement, joy, expectation, hope.....too many manifold blessings to innumerate!

My heart sings, my spirit rejoices, my soul dances the dance of joy realized and hope secured!

My life is much more like a beautiful patchwork quilt with each piece lovingly placed and sewn into place by the loving hands of my Creator. There are dark places, subdued spots, bright places, cheerful colors create pops of joyful appreciation.

The quilt is finished by the bindings or hems of the quilting process just as my life is hemmed with my own prayers and the prayers of those who love me and joined with the intercessory work of my Savior as He sits on the right hand of His Father.

Then I sit down with my Bible and I am reminded of His love for me, His sacrifice so that I can have an abundant life, both here and hereafter. He gave me everything I need to be more than a conqueror, an overcomer of all that Satan can hurl at me. PRAISE JESUS!!!!

If you listen to these commands of the Lord your God

that I am giving you today,

and if you carefully obey them,

the Lord will make you the head and not the tail,

and you will always be on top and never at the bottom.

~~~ Deuteronomy 28:13 (NLT)

I am ahead and not behind, on top and not on the bottom! Revelation 22 further describes that my end will be better than my beginning. HALLELUJAH!!!!!

1 Then the angel showed me a river with the water of life, clear as crystal, flowing from the throne of God and of the Lamb.

2 It flowed down the center of the main street. On each side of the river grew a tree of life, bearing twelve crops of fruit,[a] with a fresh crop each month. The leaves were used for medicine to heal the nations.

3 No longer will there be a curse upon anything. For the throne of God and of the Lamb will be there, and his servants will worship him.

4 And they will see his face, and his name will be written on their foreheads.

5 And there will be no night there—no need for lamps or sun—for the Lord God will shine on them. And they will reign forever and ever.

6 Then the angel said to me, “Everything you have heard and seen is trustworthy and true. The Lord God, who inspires his prophets,[b] has sent his angel to tell his servants what will happen soon.[c]”
7 “Look, I am coming soon! Blessed are those who obey the words of prophecy written in this book.[d]”

~~~Revelation 22: 1 - 7 (NLT)

Just Do It!

2012-01-06T02:54:00.000-06:00

Lately, my life has felt much like The Road to Nowhere. I've driven this road; it's long, hot, boring and seemingly endless. Yep, that would pretty much describe what I've felt my life is like of late.

You see, I want to do this.......

And see those..............

The trouble is, all of that takes of lot of this...........

Well, truth be told, Daddy was very generous and he and Momma worked hard and saved to leave a little something for each of their daughters. So, I actually have the money to take the cruise without adversely affecting any other plans for my future.

Now we get to the real problem. You see...........

I've been doing a lot of this......

And this..........

And I think this........

Just may be more along the lines of where and/or what the Lord desires of me.

I'm not sure where or when, but I'm somewhat convinced that the Lord wants me to be personally involved in a present tense kind of way.....as in my boots on their soil and my hands helping their people. Now, just who 'their people' are is yet to be determined. El Salvador is a strong contender at present; so is any American neighborhood that needs help.

Margie, my sister of the heart.

Thank you to my cherished sister of the heart, Margie, for reigniting in me the yearning to live outside myself and above my circumstances. Margie, you are my inspiration.

Therefore, go and make disciples of all the nations,

baptizing them in the name of the Father

and the Son and the Holy Spirit.

Teach these new disciples to obey

all the commands I have given you.

And be sure of this:

I am with you always, even to the end of the age.”

Matthew 28: 19 & 20 (NLT)

Living To Learn

2012-01-04T01:24:00.000-06:00

All-American Muslim

One recent night, I don't remember which one, I watched a program on TLC called All-American Muslim. I had never watched it before but noticed it was going to be about September 11 from the American Muslim prespective. I was intrigued.

Now, I cannot come to a common ground with a Muslim when it comes to religion, other than to know they have the freedom to worship as they see fit, just as I do. We do not worship the same god because I worship I AM, Yahweh, Jehovah God, Creator of the Universe and all that is therein. They worship Allah, a name given to one of a pantheon of gods and jinns chosen by Mohammed to be their one god.

I heard divergent opinions expressed by the guests on the program from at least two generations. The older generation seemed more ready to accept at least the responsibility to speak out against Osama Bin Laden and the Taliban and accuse them of hijacking the Muslim faith and proclaim they were not true Muslims. The younger generation seemed more tired of apologizing and less ready to continue to accept that they have a responsibility to speak out against the terrorists. I think they were perhaps a bit less patient than the older generation. To me, that seemed to be a commonality between our cultures, for sure!

I was, however, quite impressed with one young man and young woman who were American born Arabs of Lebanese decent and of the Muslim faith. I honestly don't remember if they were a couple or were siblings. They traveled to NYC to visit Ground Zero. They had never been there and wanted to see the location for themselves, I suspect for much the same reason that you and I would want to make the same trip. They both wore tee shirts proclaiming "I am not a terrorist" and were quite open to inquires and open discussion about why they wore the shirts.

They went to visit the tattoo parlor of Ami James of New York Ink fame. Knowing that James was an Israeli, yet a talented tattoo artist, the couple were somewhat anxious about the visit. After arriving at the shop, they entered into a conversation with James as he prepared to do the tattoos. They talked about the fact that he was Israeli and had served with the Israeli military as a sniper in the war with Lebannon, which was the ancestry line of the Arab Americans.

One of the most poignant statements made during the program was this; James said "Isn't it bad that we both had to leave our ancestral homes in order to be friends?" There they sat in New York City, home of the most agregious attacks of 9/11 and the most deaths. In Israel or Lebannon, neither could reasonably expect to sit in public, talk and maintain any semblance of a friendship; yet here in NYC they could sit together and talk openly, expressing divering opinions without fear of retribution from any source.

For all that is wrong in our country, we remain the land of the free BECAUSE of the brave. I thought as I watched those people talking "All of the brave don't necessarily wear a uniform; some just live their lives in a manner they could never do in their ancestral homes". It was an eye-opening experience for me; one that taught me I need to open my heart and my mind to at least HEAR the other side. God help me to remember I am no one's judge; only You have that right and/or responsibility.

“Do not judge others, and you will not be judged.

Do not condemn others, or it will all come back against you.

Forgive others, and you will be forgiven.

Luke 6: 37 (NLT)

Liar...Liar...Pants on Fire

2012-01-03T03:50:00.000-06:00

December 2011
I seem to always be smiling but the sadness is just beneath the surface.

Some friends and I have been discussing the fact that our blogging, or lack thereof, has seemingly succumbed to our Facebooking and why we had allowed that to happen. Frankly, I haven't felt that I had a lot to say recently.

The past few years have been difficult. The really difficult years started in February, 2006 and pretty much hasn't let up since. In that 6 years, I have watched my Momma, my husband and my Daddy die. In addition, my husband nearly died, as did my middle sister, who both had sepsis. My husband was diagnosed with terminal NASH cirrhosis and my mother-in-love fell and broke her hip and ended up first in a nursing home and now in an assisted living facility.

In addition to all that, I have had my own health issues to deal with as well. One of which was my own diagnosis with End Stage Liver Disease due to NASH cirrhosis only 6 months after my husband's death. How in the world was I suppose to deal with that?! Life has been difficult.

Now, what does that all have to do with blogging you ask? Simply this, I feel as though my spirit is broken and I don't want to talk about that. Above all else, I am a Christian. I love Jesus Christ with all I am and am dreadfully fearful of bringing dishonor to His Name. I find that I am often afraid to be real. What if I give someone the idea that Jesus is somehow deficient because I am deficient? What if someone should decide that Jesus isn't for them because I'm having such a difficult time dealing with my life's issues?

I often struggle with sharing my feelings because they are such a dichotomy. In one instance, I can be both dreadfully sad and disparaging, while at the same time feel great joy for other things going on in my life. I struggle with how to find a balance in all of that. Do I deny the sadness and despair and focus only on the joy; or do I focus on the sadness and give a lesser acknowledgement to the joy? Where is the balance? How can I be at both ends of the spectrum at once?

Momma used to tell me that being a woman meant I could feel deeper because God gave women that ability. Is this what she was referring to? It this feeling both ends of the spectrum at one time the 'deeper' feeling she was talking about? What I would give just to sit down and talk to Momma for just an hour! But that, like so much else in my life, will not be again on this earth. Why didn't I take more care to talk to Momma and glean all the wisdom she had acquired before she left? I knew she was terminal; why did I waste that opportunity?

The same is true with Terry and Daddy. I knew they were dying. Why didn't I talk to them more about the things that really matter? What was I thinking on all those days when I let hours slip by me without sitting with them and talking about the lessons they had learned from life? Or, what about the joys, and sorrows, we had shared? Why didn't I talk about all of that with them more? I had the opportunity; God gave me the gift of that time. Why didn't I use it better?

As I think this out and write, I realize I am much less 'through' my grieving process than I thought. I've just let it pile up because I didn't know how to deal with the grief and keep doing for the next one in line. Now, it's all piled up and I have no idea where to begin to unravel it.

So, this little excursion into blogging on this night has brought me to a great realization.........I am a liar. I have lied to all the people who have asked "How are you" and I have answered "Good". The truth is, I don't know how I'm doing; I really don't. Therefore, my goal for 2012 is to find out how I am doing and to deal with all this piled up emotion and to do so in a real way......good, bad or otherwise.

A New Beginning

2012-01-01T00:00:00.001-06:00

January 1, 2012...........the first day of a new year..........a new beginning.

This new beginning brings a sorrow to my heart that I have never faced. As I enter this new year, I do so with my parents, my children and my precious husband all dwelling in heaven with the Lord.

I'm not quite sure how to approach this year. My life goes on............just how that happens I must confess is still a mystery to me. I have hope in Jesus and look forward to seeing how He will guide during the days ahead. Yet, I often think that I feel very lost in this new world I find myself in.

I am so wonderfully blessed with two sisters who love me and watch over me with devotion. As Terry breathed his last breath, each promised him they would take care of me and they have most certainly lived up to their word. I have two brothers-in-love that help me in any and every way possible. My nieces and nephews are ever vigilant to be sure my needs are met. The little ones never leave me without making sure to squeeze me tightly and tell me they love me. My church family couldn't be more loving and/or supportive. A host of friends and extended family are so gracious and supportive.

Then, I have this precious group of ladies we lovingly call the Sisterhood of the Traveling Scarf, or more succinctly, the Scarf Sisters. These women have loved me, prayed for me, encouraged me, laughed with me, cried with me and been my rock through these difficult seasons of my life. What I would have done without them is far too sad to even imagine.

Yet, when all is said and done, when the night comes and everyone is at home with those whom they love, I am home alone. The darkness closes in around me and I feel the emptiness and loneliness more acutely than at any other time. It is easy to be busy, but the time to go home alone always comes. Some have suggested that another relationship is the answer. I can't think of being in a relationship with another man. My heart, and all that lies within it, still belong to Terry.

Perhaps my heart is smaller than others, but there just isn't room there for another man. He would only be compared to Terry and, in my heart and mind, no one can live up to that. I see no reason why I should accept second best at this time of my life. I lived with the absolute best for 37-1/2 years. God sent Terry to me when I was quite sure no man would ever want me. Not only did he want me, but he loved me completely. He wasn't a perfect man, but he was perfect for me.

Since Daddy went to be with Jesus, I spend a lot of time thinking about how happy he must now be. He is with the Lord and now back with Momma. He longed to be with her again; I understand that longing. I wouldn't call either of them back, but I long to hear their laughter again; to see the joy in their eyes as they playfully pick on each other. I even get lonely to hear their silly arguments about nothing.

I long to sit at their dining room table and have the family gathered around, ten different conversations going on at once and Momma trying to keep up with them all; Daddy sauntering through and announcing that he was going to bed and for everyone else to stay as long as they like. The laughter and teasing that always comes when two or three generations gather in one place and love each other!

Life is a mystery; of that I have become more and more acutely aware as time has passed. Few things remain constant. Those whom we love and who love us depart. New ones enter and we grow to love them as though they have always been with us. Of all that changes, these thing remain the same...........faith, hope and love.

Three things will last forever—

faith, hope, and love—

and the greatest of these is love.

1 Corinthians 13: 13 (NLT)

But the righteous will live by their faithfulness to God.

Habakkuk 2: 4b (NLT)

And so, Lord, where do I put my hope?

My only hope is in you.

Psalm 39: 7 (NLT)

He that loveth not knoweth not God;

for God is love.

I John 4: 8 (NLT)

Honor and Duty

2011-11-11T03:14:00.000-06:00

Today, November 11, is set aside to pay tribute to those valiant Americans who have served their country in times of war. In my family, the military is an honored tradition. I have chosen to honor here only those family members whom I have known personally. Many have served whom I did not know personally.

To every man or woman who has served our country, I offer heartfelt appreciation for your sacrifice. Our country can only remain great as long as there are men and women who are willing to make the sacrifices you have made. Thank you for showing us the way to patriotism and honor by your commitment and service.

All gave some...........some gave all........may we never forget.

Ralph Fentress Newland
11 Jun 1915 - 13 Feb 1998
European Theater, World War II
The Battle of the Bulge
U.S. Army

Uncle Buster was how I knew this quiet man. He never spoke of his service. By research, I discovered he fought in the Battle of the Bulge and received many honors for his gallantry and sacrifice in the face of extreme danger. I will never forget Uncle Buster or the way he quietly went about his every day life.

After returning from Europe, he married and moved to Flint, MI. There he became a plumbers apprentice and earned entry into the union. He worked there until his retirement. Upon retirement, he and Aunt Mayena moved back to Tennessee, where both lived out the remainder of their lives.

Van Patterson McDonald
4 Nov 1932 - 20 Sept 2011
Germany
Sharp Shooter Team Leader
Post-Korean War Era
U.S. Army

This is my Daddy. I honestly never knew how proud he was of his service to our country or how much he valued it until the very last days of his life. Prior to being called home, Daddy made very specific requests regarding how his Memorial Flag should be cared for and respected. He was buried with military honors. I have never felt quite so honored as when the soldier placed that flag in my hands at the graveside ceremony. It is a moment in my life I will never forget.

Daddy led a sharp shooter team (now known as sniper squads) in Germany and was offered a promotion to Sergeant and an entire squadron if he would re-enlist. He chose not to do so and return home to Tennessee and the farm where his family lived. He was notified of possible deployment to South Vietnam in February of 1957. He and Momma had planned to marry that month, but delayed their wedding until they knew if he would be deployed. They waited until March with no definite word from the military. They decided to go ahead with the wedding. Thankfully, he was never deployed.

Brian Keith Eppers
19 Mary 1980 -
Iraq
Operation Iraqi Freedom
Medic
U.S. Army

Brian (my nephew-in-love) enlisted in the Army after 9/11 with full knowledge that he would be deployed. He trained as a Medic and was deployed to Iraq in early 2005. He spent nearly a year there and returned home just before Christmas in December of that year.

I will never forget the look on his face, or that of his children, as they saw him for the first time when he returned home. Pure joy and absolute love shone from the face of Brian, my niece Katie and their children Alix and Jaden, as the kids ran across the parking lot to see their Daddy for the first time in almost a year.

Brian continues to serve with the U.S. Army as a Medical NCO, Weapons of Mass Destruction, Civil Support Team member. To say we are proud of him is a gross understatement.

Caleb McDonald Watkins
6 Mar 1991 -
Military Police
U.S. Army
TN Army National Guard

This dashing young man is my youngest nephew. He graduated from the U.S. Army AIT training at Ft. Leonard Wood, MO on Oct 20 of this year. He is now an official member of the TN Army National Guard as a Military Policeman.

What roads lie ahead for Caleb, we do not know. He has so many plans for his future, realizing that the Army has first claim on his time and commitment. I cannot tell you how proud we were to stand in that auditorium and see him walk across that stage to receive the Top Gun award for his entire platoon!

Where he will go from here, only God knows. I have every confidence he will make his mark in this world; a mark for his God and his country.

Endure suffering along with me,

as a good soldier of Christ Jesus.

Soldiers don’t get tied up in the affairs of civilian life,

for then they cannot please the officer who enlisted them.

2 Timothy 2: 3-4

His First Birthday in Heaven

2011-11-04T04:20:00.000-05:00

Daddy and Momma
March 23, 1997
40-yr. Vow Renewal Ceremony
Brints Chapel Baptist Church

It was a chilled and frosty November morning on November 4, 1932. My Maw and Paw McDonald hadn't gotten much sleep the night prior. Maw had labored hard to give birth to a bouncing, healthy baby boy during the wee hours of the morning. That baby boy was my Daddy, Van Patterson McDonald. He always told us Maw named him after a cowboy. I was never sure just who that cowboy was, but it brought Daddy happiness to tell the story and that is all that mattered to me.

Daddy was the second of four sons born to Maw and Paw. His older brother, Troy, was born on Feb. 8, 1931 and had lived for less than 24 hours. When Maw found herself pregnant again almost exactly one year later, she was thrilled. When Daddy was born healthy, she was beyond thankful and joyful to have her child growing and happy.

By the time Daddy turned 10, Paw had bought the farm where Daddy would spend the remainder of his days. His only time away from the farm was the 2 years he was in the Army from 1953-1955. He loved the farm and farm life. It was his dream to own his own land, grow crops and animals and a family. His dream never materialized as he would have wanted, but he did live it in a small way.

A couple of years after he and Momma married, they moved in to a small 4 room house Daddy and Paw had built on the farm and they started to raise a family, cows, pigs and a couple of horses and some chickens. He didn't have crops because there was no time for crops after tending to his animals and working at his factory job. He had a large vegetable garden and a truck patch and that was enough to satisfy him.

The years passed and his family grew and came to include sons-in-love and eventually grandchildren and great-grandchildren. When Momma was diagnosed with Alzheimer's and her heath began to fail, Daddy gave up everything he enjoyed to devote himself completely to caring for Momma. He sold his cows and stopped growing his vegetables when it became evident that Momma needed him to be by her side almost 24 hours a day.

He was completely devoted to Momma and rarely left her side. His own health began to decline, but he remained vigilant at Mommas side. He let us come in and help with household chores and drive Momma to her doctor's appointments. I don't think we really understood then why he did that. We came to understand that those times were the only time he had to restore himself and have time for a break.

When Momma went home to be with Jesus in April, 2006, Daddy was devastated. He stayed at their home for the remainder of that year, but became sicker with each passing month. His doctor became concerned that he would die soon if he didn't find a way to overcome the grief. He moved from their home to live with my middle sister and her family for about the next year.

My youngest sister and her husband bought the family farm in 2008 and Daddy moved back to the house to live with them. They both had health issues and he would spend time with my other sister while health issues were attended to. I was living with my mother-in-love and then was taking care of my terminally ill husband. My husband went home to be with Jesus in January, 2009. For the first year, I was in no shape to care for myself, much less anyone else.

In March, 2010, I finally came back to my own home to live. Daddy came to live with me in June, 2010 and remained with me until the morning he went to be with Jesus on Sept. 20, 2011. It was my joy to take care of him and have him with me for those last 15 months of his life. I will be forever thankful to have had the opportunity to give back to him a small portion of the caring he had given me since the day of my birth.

So, today Daddy would have been 79. What joy to know he now walks the streets of heaven with our Lord, Momma and our baby sister, as well as other loved ones who have already gone home with the Lord.

Happy Birthday in Heaven Daddy. I love you so much more than I ever realized while you were here with me. I am so thankful God made you my Daddy and for the love you gave me all the days of your life after I came into it. I am thankful you are at rest and no longer sick and suffering. You are now eternally well and at peace. Praise the Lord!

Pride and Prejudice.....

2011-10-30T01:31:00.000-05:00

The Grands, 1992
Jared, Caleb, Katie, Adam and Jacob

See that little blond haired boy sitting on his sister's lap? That is my youngest nephew, Caleb. This was taken during the summer of 1992 when Caleb was just over one year old. His Momma hadn't yet been able to cut his curls. He was our last baby and we all wanted to keep that 'baby' appearance for as long as possible!

Caleb has always been his own person; never like his brothers or his sister, quite unique. He could entertain himself for hours since a very early age. He's always had an intense interest in what was happening around him, noticing details that would escape others of his age or even a few years older.

During his 'middle years', Caleb struggled with his weight. He turned 18 and suddenly had focus and determination none of us knew was there. He decided he was going to get his weight down and immediately went to work doing so. He ran every day, he ate well, he had discipline I must admit I not only admired, but sometimes was a bit envious of.

About this same time, he decided he would join the military in some manner and did so. He came home to announce he had signed his papers and was enlisted with the Army Guard. He would be leaving for Basic Training that summer. We were so very proud of him, while being apprehensive about his decision and what the possible consequences could be.

He made plans to enter the ROTC with a long range goal of working for either the Secret Service or some branch of national security. Suddenly the boy had become a man right before our eyes. He had always been responsible beyond his years, but we were now in awe of his decisiveness. Basic Training came and went and some of his plans didn't pan out as planned. He dealt with the disappointment and moved forward.

AIT was scheduled for the next summer and he moved forward. Time for the AIT training approached and he began again to get into that 'military' mindset. He left for Ft. Leonard Wood and we waited for the day for graduation. That day came on Oct. 20.

His Mom, Dad and I travelled to Missouri with our hearts bursting with pride. Family Day was wonderful. He had excelled in his AIT and was graduating with honors in marksmanship. Well, of course he was! Graduation Day dawned and we were there an hour before we could go in! Finally, we found our seats and waited for the joy to become reality.

As we waited, we felt our hearts grow with appreciation not only for our soldier, but for every young man and young woman there. What a joy to see them so disciplined and proud to be serving their country! Caleb's time to walk across the stage came. His name was called and he strode purposefully across the stage to accept his award as the Top Gun for his entire platoon! Our little boy had now become a man and had out performed every other man and woman in his platoon, including the Drill Sergeants!

Talk about proud! I don't know about his Mom and Dad, but his Aunt Di cried and laughed and praised the Lord as she watched that little boy who was now a man march across that stage! I filmed video while his Mom snapped pictures and his Dad just sat back and allowed us to be the women we are!

Last Thursday, Caleb accompanied me on a trip to Nashville for a doctor's appointment. We stopped at a little quick stop for a snack and a potty break. As I stood at the counter paying for my banana nut muffin and my Coke, I caught a glimpse of Caleb standing nearby quietly observing the surroundings. There he stood, strong and straight, with his arms relaxed and hands clasped before him. He quietly looked back and forth around the business.

I cannot express with words the pride in my heart as I saw him there. Men and women were coming and going and each took their turn in glancing at him. Some walked a bit faster as they neared him, some walked a bit straighter, some smiled with that pride one feels when they know they are in the presence of a person who is trained to defend their country.

Yes, our little boy was now a man. How thankful am I that I have been allowed to be a part of his life and that he is in my life. I am proud of you Caleb. I am proud of the pride you have in serving your country, of the dedication you have shown to every aspect of your life; but more than all of these, I am proud that you love the Lord Jesus and serve Him with the same dedication, pride and faithfulness you have shown to your military commitment.

I love you my nephew; I always have and I always will.

Caleb
AIT Graduation
Oct. 20, 2011
Ft. Leonard Wood, MO

2011-09-30T04:58:00.000-05:00

My hubby, Terry
October 2002
California Redwood National Forest
2 years after his accident

I'm not really sure why, but for the past couple of months I've been spending a lot of my quiet time reflecting on the days following my husband's auto accident on April 13, 2000.

He had a multitude of injuries, both internally and externally. the most debilitating of which was a bi-lateral acetabular fracture. The acetabulum is the area of the pelvic bone where the ball of the femur fits. Both sides of his pelvis were broken numerous times. He was placed in bi-lateral traction in order to keep his joints in proper alignment while the doctors decided what route to take in attempting to repair his injuries.

After the initial week, I was told his injuries were most likely not life threatening but that he most likely would never walk again. I was so thankful to know that he would live that I completely ignored the news regarding his ability to walk. On day 12 of his stay in TICU, a decision was made to attempt surgical repair of the left acetabulum, which was successful. The right side, however, was much like a jigsaw puzzle with too many pieces to be manually repaired. He would remain flat of his back and in traction on the right side for the next 3 1/2 months.

After being flat of his back for so long, his body had to relearn how to keep his blood pressure up when he sat upright. His sense of direction was gone and he had to be retaught how to orient himself from a lying to a sitting position. After those things were accomplished, he was finally able to try to stand. If he could accomplish standing and taking even 3 steps, he would be moved to inpatient rehab to see how far he could go. We were reminded that the ability to walk was most likely not attainable.

After several days of being raised to a standing position on a tilt table, he felt he was able to try to take a step. As they stood him up, I watched in anguish as I saw the tears roll down his face and his grimace as the pain racked his body. He would grit his teeth and refuse to give up. It took a weeks worth of trying several times daily, but he did finally accomplish 5 steps with a lot of help from a team of physical therapists.

We were told we would be moving upstairs to the long term inpatient rehab unit over the following weekend. Monday brought a new day with new goals and so much suffering I was afraid the pain alone would kill him. When he stood for the first time at the parallel bars, the PT encouraged him to take only 5-6 steps. He said "No, I'll walk the full length before I leave this room today". I don't remember how many steps it was, but I remember the pain and suffering reflected on his face as he took each one.

As I stood at the opposite end of the bars, he would look me in the face and say "Greater is He than is in me" and push forward. If he became tired again or if the pain became unbearable, he would say "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me". It seemed like hours but he finally made it to me and his wheelchair. He turned himself and collapsed into his chair as we both sobbed. The entire room was cheering him on...PTs, patients, family members of other patients, everyone was cheering him on!

His PT ran to him and fell to the floor embracing me and him as we all cried together. She told me to take him back to his room and give him a good hot shower and pain meds would be ordered and ready for him. He spoke up immediately and said "No, I'm gonna walk back" and instructed me to take the chair back to the other end of the bars. I did so as the PT begged him not to try it. He would have none of it.

Again, with so much pain on his face that I feared a heart attack brought on by the pain, he made each step and quoted scriptures as he went. He had a sciatic nerve injury which left him unable to lift his left leg. He didn't yet have his brace, so he made that walk to and fro on the bars while dragging his left leg and physically planting it before each new step.

As I watched him, I was so acutely aware of some things:
1. He was taking every step for me;
2. Suffering is a motivator if you have the right attitude;
3. The Lord is bigger than any struggle we face or any pain we may feel; and
4. If anyone COULD walk again, it was going to be my husband!

Now that he has been at rest with our Lord for 32 months, I reflect on those lessons and realize just how true those observations were. Terry didn't bring a wheelchair home, he walked into our front door with the assistance of a walker, which he soon traded for a cane and eventually was able to walk without an assistive device at most times.

While I stood by his side and suffered every step of the way with him, the Lord was always there. He held us up through our family and friends and sometimes even strangers.

Terry's suffering motivated me to love him more and to appreciate him more. It motivated each of us to love our Lord more, to grow to know Him more intimately, to depend on Him for our every need.

And finally, yes Terry took every step for me. Numerous times over the years, he said to me "Di, I would have quit if I hadn't known I had you. I would have just lay in that bed and given up. You are the reason I worked so hard. Every day I asked the Lord to help me because I had to do it for you".

Do you know anyone who is suffering? Keep in mind that suffering can be physical, emotional, mental or spiritual. Perhaps what they need in order to overcome is someone to walk alongside them and give them a motivation to move forward. A brief visit to a hospital bedside, a card in the mail to encourage and uplift, a visit to pray with someone, a phone call to say "I'm coming over if that's ok with you. What can I bring"? Encouragement is so simple yet may mean the difference between someone giving up or moving forward.

Precious Father, please help me be a light of encouragement to all I see. Help me be sensitive to your guidance as I meet the suffering day by day. Allow me to be your instrument in bringing peace into lives of chaos. In Jesus name......................AMEN.

Daddy's Home!

2011-09-27T02:09:00.000-05:00

Van Patterson McDonald
"Daddy"
Nov. 4, 1932 - Sept. 20, 2011

One week ago my family and I said "See you later" to my Daddy. He had suffered for many years with C.O.P.D. and had become very ill. He had been in Hospice care since this past January. We knew the time was soon, but it always seems to come before we are prepared.

Daddy's home going was so peaceful. There was no gasping for breathe, not even very labored breathing. He was peaceful right up until his last breath. We had been so concerned about the time of his dying because the doctors had been very straight-forward about how hard the dying could be for someone with his illness. We prayed that he would not suffer. God answered our prayers and Daddy suffered very little as he left his mortal body behind and crossed into his eternal rest with the Lord.

As we stood at his bedside, we were sad; but more than that, we were happy for him because he now sits at the feet of our Lord and has joined Momma and our baby sister, as well as other family members who have gone on before him. Perfect peace entered the room the minute the Lord came for him. What a blessing to have been witness to that moment.

He was a precious Daddy, a loving husband to my Momma until the day she went home, a caring brother and a courageous saint who was dearly loved by his church. He left a legacy of love for the Lord and his family. We will miss him in the days that lie ahead, but we eagerly await that day when we will see him again.

One of the most precious memories of this time will be my little 4 year old grand-niece who asked repeatedly to lie beside Papaw Mac in his bed. We would lay her beside Daddy. She would lay her head on his chest and reach her little arms up and around his neck and kiss his face. She would say "I love you, Papaw Mac". Even at the funeral home, she could not be calmed until she had kissed his face and told him she loved him.

Our entire family was in and out during the weekend prior to his passing. We all spent time at his bedside and treasured the blessing of being there. His youngest grandson is in AIT in Ft. Leonard Wood, MO and could not get leave to come home for the funeral. His heart was broken and our hearts were broken for him.

We are now back to our 'normal life', whatever that is. We move forward knowing Daddy is where his heart has longed to be since the day Momma left us. He now can run up and down the streets of glory with as much air in his lungs when he stops as when he started. That is precious to those of us who have witnessed his progressive illness taking him from us in small steps along the way.

We love you Daddy. We will always miss you but we will see you again!

Precious in the sight of the LORD is the death of his saints.

Psalm 116:15 (KJV)

I've Got A Name.....

2011-07-30T07:00:00.000-05:00

Jim Croce had a great song entitled "I've Got A Name" released the summer Terry and I met. We both loved Jim Croce and his music. From the first time I heard this song, I loved it. A very dear lady used to say to me all the time "Diane, remember whose child you are".

Genealogy is important to me. I enjoy history and love finding out where I came from. I have always believed that we can't be who God really created us to be unless we know where we came from. Now, for some the degree of that knowledge is less important than to others. To me, the more I know the better I like it; even if the things I learn aren't necessarily good things.

I have spent time pondering that over the past few days. I want to bring honor to my family name, to all the names attached to my family tree, and to those I inherited when I married Terry. That is important to me. When future generations read about me, I want them to be proud to know I am a part of their lineage.

I began to think about that in the context of my Christian walk. Remember whose child you are.......what is my Christian lineage? I particularly hate reading those parts of the Bible that says so-and-so begat so-and-so, and on and on, just seemingly mindless reading. (See Matthew chapter 1) Then, I began to try to concentrate on the names I was reading and who those people were.

What is my Christian lineage? I am a child of Jesus Christ, the King of Kings and Lord of Lords, the Creator of the universe. As God the Father, he has no lineage, yet as the Son, he has a very specific lineage. "Of the house and lineage of David" (See Luke 2:4). I've always loved the Christmas story, but often wonder if we really stop to think about the story.

I don't know about you, but David is one of those Old Testament heroes of the faith that I look forward to getting to meet face-to-face in heaven. I want to know what made David tick; I want to hear him tell the story of facing Goliath in his own words. I want to hear about the faith it took to do such a thing!

I often think of Rahab the harlot, who was the great-great grandmother of David and who is also in my Christian lineage. What must it have felt like to be a woman of such station in life to have the God of the universe declare your faith as worthy? Worthy not just for you, but those who follow in your lineage? What a joy this woman must have felt to know that the Lord of Heaven had counted her faithful!

I think of Abraham and the faith it took to keep believing God when everything reasonable said His promise was never to be. Of Sarah, when the years of childbearing were past and yet she continued to believe in the promise. Yes, they wavered, who am I to judge? I waver almost daily. Yet, their faith was so strong that these thousands of years after their entrance into their reward, we continue to talk about their walk with God and to be encouraged by their story.

Then, I think of all those people who influenced my life as I was growing up. Some were badly misled in their beliefs, but they served the Lord with a zeal none could question. Did they make mistakes? Certainly; who am I to judge, I make mistakes daily, sometimes minute by minute.

Yes, I've got a name....a name countless numbers have given their life to proclaim; a name given by a Savior who shed every drop of His precious blood in order to pay my sin debt. My Christian lineage is marked with saints and sinners, those who loved God with their whole heart, who made mistakes, who sometimes wavered in their faith....yet, here we are, still believing in that same God and still willing to serve Him. Those folks who came before us must have done something right, wouldn't you say?

As I think about it, that's the thing that impresses me the most. They did SOMETHING right! Jesus tells us that faith so small as a grain of mustard seed can remove the mountains that interject themselves into our path. (See Matthew 17:20)

What are your mountains? Hopelessness, anger, doubt, fear, a prodigal child, an unbelieving mate, an abusive person who stole your joy, a struggle with substance abuse that has you captive, a broken marriage, a church that has hurt you....the list could go on and on.

The important thing is not what your mountain is, rather who your faith is in. A minute amount of faith placed in God the Father, the Creator of the universe and His Son, Jesus Christ can give you new life and new hope. Will your problems be automatically solved? No, but you will a have resource not yet tried.

You will have a name, a name passed down by generations of others who faced just such as you face and who remained faithful through every battle. Your problems won't end, there will be no easy answers. You will make mistakes, your faith may grow weak, trails will continue to come your way. When those things beset you.....remember whose child you are and that you've got a name.

CHRISTIAN...to desire and strive to be like Christ...I've got a name!

You must have the same attitude that Christ Jesus had.

Though he was God,

he did not think of equality with God

as something to cling to.

Instead, he gave up his divine privileges;

he took the humble position of a slave

and was born as a human being.

When he appeared in human form,

he humbled himself in obedience to God

and died a criminal’s death on a cross.

Therefore, God elevated him to the place of highest honor

and gave him the name above all other names,

that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow,

in heaven and on earth and under the earth,

and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord,

to the glory of God the Father.

Phillippians 2: 5-11 (NLT)

God's Sticky Notes................

2011-07-24T03:59:00.000-05:00

"I tell you, love your enemies.

Help and give without expecting a return.

You'll never—I promise—regret it.

Live out this God-created identity

the way our Father lives toward us,

generously and graciously,

even when we're at our worst.

Our Father is kind; you be kind.

"Don't pick on people,

jump on their failures,

criticize their faults—

unless, of course, you want the same treatment.

Don't condemn those who are down;

that hardness can boomerang.

Be easy on people;

you'll find life a lot easier.

Give away your life;

you'll find life given back,

but not merely given back—

given back with bonus and blessing.

Giving, not getting, is the way.

Generosity begets generosity."

Luke 6: 36-38 (The Message)

Thermometer Or Thermostat????

2011-07-21T03:35:00.003-05:00

THERMOMETER-----An instrument for measuring and indicating temperature.

THERMOSTAT-----A device that automatically regulates temperature, or that activates a device when the temperature reaches a certain point.

Based upon those definitions, we can confidently say that a THERMOMETER is a device used to measure the environment surrounding it and a THERMOSTAT is a device which not only measures the environment, but activates something which will make proper adjustments to that environment based upon the settings that have been given it.

So, what are you? Are you a THERMOMETER or a THERMOSTAT? Do you measure your surroundings and then go about your business, or do you measure your surroundings and then set about doing something to change them based upon your 'settings' as a Christian?

"Simply put, if you're not willing

to take what is dearest to you,

whether plans or people,

and kiss it good-bye,

you can't be my disciple.

"Salt is excellent.

But if the salt goes flat,

it's useless, good for nothing.

"Are you listening to this?

Really listening?"

Luke 14: 33-35 (The Message)

Now, if I read this passage correctly, it tells me that I am of no use to the Lord, or to the advancement of His Kingdom, unless I am willing to forsake everything and give my life over completely to His control. If I do that, I automatically become a THERMOSTAT because I have no choice but to do so.

If I am to be a device of change, however, my will must be put under the submission of the will of the Lord. Therein lies the problem. I am so sure I can do it, I know what's best, I've got the answers, I've got "a plan" and surely God wants me to use my plan. After all, He did give me a brain to think with and the ability to make plans and the desire to have direction in my life, right?

We go so far away from the Lord when we begin to think that our way is better than His way, or that we can even understand which "way" is right without submitting to Him.

Seek God while he's here to be found,

pray to him while he's close at hand.

Let the wicked abandon their way of life

and the evil their way of thinking.

Let them come back to God,

who is merciful,

come back to our God,

who is lavish with forgiveness.

"I don't think the way you think.

The way you work isn't the way I work."

God's Decree.

"For as the sky soars high above earth,

so the way I work surpasses the way you work,

and the way I think is beyond the way you think.

Just as rain and snow descend from the skies

and don't go back until they've watered the earth,

Doing their work of making things grow and blossom,

producing seed for farmers and food for the hungry,

So will the words that come out of my mouth

not come back empty-handed.

They'll do the work I sent them to do,

they'll complete the assignment I gave them.'

Isiah 55: 6-11 (The Message)

We will never fully understand the ways of the Lord as long as we inhabit this mortal body; nor will we understand His thoughts. Accepting that truth is essential to having peace about surrendering our will to His. Just as we accept His love for us through faith, we must accept His omniscience....His infinite knowledge of us and all we think, do or feel. Because He knows us so well, He knows the plans that will foster the greatest potential in His Kingdom.

Isn't that what you want from your life as a Christian? Don't you desire to be and do the very best for the Lord? Isn't that what our daily striving is all about? Yet, the answers are there, within each of us who know Jesus Christ and we have only to surrender to Him in order to realize our greatest potential for Him. It's really quite a simple and uncomplicated concept when you consider it.

In my own life, I have no problem with the concept; it's the practice of the concept that brings me difficulty. Yet, when I surrender, there's no peace quite like the peace that fills my inmost being when I know I am surrendered to Him. Isn't it so completely human to know that peace, yet rail against it over and over again in our daily walk with Him?

Then Jesus called for the children and said to the disciples, “Let the children come to me. Don’t stop them! For the Kingdom of God belongs to those who are like these children. I tell you the truth, anyone who doesn’t receive the Kingdom of God like a child will never enter it.”
Luke 18: 16 & 17 (NLT)

Precious Father, once again I surrender myself to You, completely and wholly; all that I am, all that I think, all that I feel, all that I do.....these I surrender to You. I want to be Your instrument of change in my world. I want to bring comfort and hope to those who so desperately need it. I know I can only accomplish that when I surrender to You and allow You to work through me. Thank you for Your precious mercy and grace that allows me to come time and time again to present myself as Your servant. Thank you for Your loving kindness that never turns me away nor reprimands me, but forgives me and draws me back into the fold of Your loving arms. Help me to mirror You to everyone I meet, talk to or interact with in any manner. In the precious Name of Jesus I ask these things..................AMEN.

I Believe..................

2011-07-10T00:00:00.001-05:00

"That life is more precious than money
will ever be able to be."

I've always said that I believe this statement to be true. Yet, I must admit to the times in my life when I have fretted over wanting things I didn't have. I've never been without what I needed, but I've often wished for things I wanted. Momma used to call them our "need-cessities". We had those things needful to sustain life. I wonder sometimes if most people even understand the difference between what they need and what they want anymore?

I don't consider myself a rich person. I have a modest income and my monthly bills are paid. I can buy the food I need to nourish my body, plus some of the things I just want or enjoy. I have clothes to keep me covered and warm, plus some of those shoes I drool over! My car isn't new, but it's in good running order and paid for. My house isn't grand, but it keeps me warm in the cold, cool in the heat, and dry in the rain. And, it's almost paid for! I can't take extended dream vacations, but I take getaway trips to relax and regroup almost any time I want. All in all, when you stop to consider it, I'm much more wealthy than first thought.

Yet, with all that, the things that bring real joy to my heart can't be bought and sold. No financial sacrifice could restore my husband's health once it was gone. Heaps of money shoveled to various medical providers could not deliver me a baby when I so wanted one. Even all the money saved and ear-marked for that adoption couldn't buy my health in order to make me feel dependable enough to care for a child. When the people I love are hurting, mountains of money can't stop their pain.

My one hope, my sustenance, in all of that is the Lord. Without Him, I would be hopeless and helpless. I often find it ironic that we run about our little lives so desperate to make money, only to find that all that money can't give us the things we need or desire in order to live with quiet contentment and a peaceful countenance.

As I age and as disease takes more of me each day, I find strength and encouragement in the gold only Jesus Christ can give..........a quiet spirit, a contented heart, a peaceful soul and sure hope for the future. Oh that each individual could but realize money is only paper, but Jesus is eternal LIFE!

"You say, ‘I am rich.

I have everything I want. I don’t need a thing!’

And you don’t realize that you are wretched

and miserable and poor and blind and naked.

So I advise you to buy gold from me—

gold that has been purified by fire.

Then you will be rich.

Also buy white garments from me

so you will not be shamed by your nakedness,

and ointment for your eyes

so you will be able to see.

I correct and discipline everyone I love.

So be diligent and turn from your indifference."

Revelation 3: 17-19 (NLT)

Thankfulness.....................

2011-07-01T14:53:00.000-05:00

Jared Watkins with daughters Kayleigh and Allyson
Christmas 2010

Ten years ago today my family lived out a nightmare. My second nephew, and the oldest son of my middle sister, Jared Watkins, was in an auto accident that left him comatose and clinging to life. As each day dawned, it seemed the news only went from bad to worse. The coma lingered and brain functions were dropping. We were told the right and left hemispheres of his brain had been severed and that, if he lived, he would no longer be able to care for himself or ever be Jared again.

We prayed and tried to give support to my sister and BIL and to Jared's siblings in the best way we could. People from so many places prayed with us and for us. The days seemed to be never-ending. Then, miraculously, Jared opened his eyes one day. Not long afterwards, he began to talk. He wasn't the same Jared who entered the coma, he was more the Jared from many years prior. He was child-like and couldn't remember several years of his more recent life.

Gradually, his memory returned and his body regained strength. He was discharged home and began his life again. I wish I could say there was some sort of great epiphany that changed his life completely after that, but it didn't happen that way. He returned to many of the same activities that had landed him in the coma. However, he was spared and for that we are eternally grateful. Like many people, Jared is a rebel to his core. He now has two beautiful daughters who adore him and whom he loves most dearly.

Thank you, precious Father, for allowing us to have Jared for these added ten years. He has a good heart and honorable dreams. Unfortunately, he hasn't yet learned that the answer to his questions lie in You and the source of his dreams should lie in You. Thank you for dealing so tenderly with his heart. I earnestly pray he will someday see You for who You really are and see the love You have for him and submit his will to Your Will.

I love you Jared, with my whole heart. I am so thankful to have you still be with us so we can tell you how much we love you, hear your voice, the sound of your laughter and even the frustration and anger that so often erupts from within you. You are a workmanship of the Lord, still in progress. I am eager to see what He will reveal in you in His time.

Now God has us where he wants us,

with all the time in this world and the next

to shower grace and kindness upon us in Christ Jesus.

Saving is all his idea, and all his work.

All we do is trust him enough to let him do it.

It's God's gift from start to finish!

We don't play the major role.

If we did, we'd probably go around bragging

that we'd done the whole thing!

No, we neither make nor save ourselves.

God does both the making and saving.

He creates each of us by Christ Jesus

to join him in the work he does,

the good work he has gotten ready for us to do,

work we had better be doing.

Ephesians 2: 7-10 (The Message)

Memories.................

2011-06-30T19:30:00.000-05:00

June 30 is a bittersweet day for me. On this date, one of the most important men in my life was called home and one of the most important men I would never meet was born.

Bob Chandler with his only child, Terry.
March 1957

James Elton (Bob) Chandler was born on June 30, 1923, the only son of his parents and the much loved brother of three sisters. He would later marry Gladys Arlene Shearon and the couple would have one child, a son, Terry Elton Chandler. Terry was my husband and center of my world.

Like most little boys, Terry idolized his Daddy. Bob was a dump truck driver for the Tennessee Dept. of Safety. Terry often spoke of memories of his Dad leaving before daylight on icy, cold winter mornings so he could run the salt truck over the roads before everyone was out and about. Terry had his toy tractors, trucks and graders and spent his play time building 'roads' all over the little hillside in their front yard. He wanted to be just like his Daddy.

Unfortunately, those little boy memories are all he had of his Daddy. Bob was killed in a auto accident on August 5, 1963. Terry was only 9 years old. Obviously, I never met Bob but he was one of the most important men to ever become a part of my life. Without his existence, I could have never known Terry.

I am quite sure Bob went to his grave never truly understanding what an exceptional son he had. Thank you, Bob, for teaching your son in the few short years you had with him. He was a wonderful man; full of laughter with a warm heart and compassion for others. I have no idea what you were like, but I would like to think Terry took those traits from his Daddy.

The Herbert McDonald Family
February 1965
(L-R) Herbert (Paw), David, Horace, Van (my Daddy) and Ilene (Maw)

June 30, 1966 was one of the most sad and difficult days of my life to that point. It was the day my Paw McDonald was called home. James Herbert McDonald was born on December 18, 1908, only months after his Dad had died of TB. He had an older sister who was only 2 when he was born. His Momma raised him and his sister on her own, doing whatever she could find to do in order to support herself and her children.

I loved my Paw McDonald. I was the apple of his eye and I knew it. If I wanted it and it was in his power to give it to me, it was mine! We used to sit together in his rocker and watch TV or just talk or eat. He would perch me on his lap and tickle me, or wedge me in beside him as we shared a bowl of popcorn and watched TV.

He was always laughing and picking on me or my sisters. He took my side no matter what; I always knew Paw would stand up for me. I once picked up the plug from an extension cord that had somehow ended up in the yard. It was wet with dew. I hid it and went into the back bedroom and shoved it into the outlet with the bare wires pushed into the palm of my hand.

Well, of course, the power knocked me across the room and scared me witless! Momma was immediately there, scolding me out of pure fear for what could have happened. Paw came in, picked me up and cradled me in his arms. He took me to 'our' chair and held me on his lap as I cried and Momma checked my hand over.

He rocked me for what seemed like hours afterwards, but was probably only minutes. He asked Momma not to fuss at me and told her it was his fault because he should never have let the thing be in the grass! As soon as I was feeling better, he announced that I had been a good girl and now we were going for ice cream! He and Maw loaded me and my sisters into the pick up and off we went to the store for bought ice cream! That was a real treat for us because we usually only had home made ice cream. Isn't it funny how that changes as we grow older?!

Seeing my Paw lifeless on their living room couch was one of the memories of my childhood that haunted me for years into my adult life. Paw didn't have an easy life. His own Dad died before he was born. He went to work by age 12 to help support himself, his Momma and his sister. He walked 12-15 miles every Sunday afternoon to sleep in the back room of a paper plant, where he would work Monday through Friday, then walk back home again on Friday night so he could give his pay to his Momma and help on the farm on Saturday and Sunday.

He loved his family in the only way he understood...he worked hard and made sure they always had everything they needed. They didn't have all they wanted, but they never lacked for the things they needed. When Daddy went to Germany, he held my Maw together while Daddy was so far from home. A relative told me once that she and her family would most likely have starved had it not been for Uncle Herbert and Aunt Lean (what they called my Maw McDonald).

Her husband had a lazy streak and wouldn't work. Paw would help them and give them food he and Maw had raised. He would quite literally whip his grown nephew in order to try to get him to go out and work to support his family. He was eventually successful. The nephew went North to work for Caterpillar and soon sent for his family. They remained there and he was quite successful in providing a good life for his family.

He raised three sons of his own and taught them to work hard, respect others and provide for their families. He wasn't a church going man, but held a belief in a God that created him and blessed him with all he had. He loved to watch The Gospel Jubilee on Sunday morning; thought there was no one on this earth who could out sing Vestal Goodman! Conversely, he absolutely thrilled at watching wrestling on Saturday afternoons! I can still see him perched on the edge of his rocker and physically air fighting with his fists as he watched and rooted for his favorite wrestler. Watching him was much more fun than the silly wrestling!

I will always miss Paw. It has been 45 years and I was only 8, but my memories of him remain vivid in my mind's eye. I can see his grin, hear his chuckle and the sound of his voice as he talked. I would not be the person I am today had Paw not been a part of my life.

“Honor your father and mother.”

This is the first commandment with a promise:

If you honor your father and mother,

“things will go well for you,

and you will have a long life on the earth.”

Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger

by the way you treat them.

Rather, bring them up with the discipline

and instruction that comes from the Lord.

Ephesians 6: 2-4 (NLT)

SuperDad....

2011-06-19T00:00:00.001-05:00

What a blessing it would be if
Dads could see themselves through the eyes of their children.

I don't know about you, but this is most certainly the view I had of my Daddy as a child. As I aged, I learned he wasn't a superhero, not even close; he was something much better. He was human and helped me learn that God loves me just the way I am. He wasn't, and isn't, perfect but he gave it his best and that's all God asks or expects from any of us.

Daddy
November 2010

I love you Daddy. Happy Father's Day!

“Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger

by the way you treat them.

Rather, bring them up with the discipline

and instruction that comes from the Lord.”

Ephesians 6:4 NLT

My Endless Love......

2011-06-14T00:00:00.001-05:00

My heart is heavy today.....

Our Wedding Day

On the evening of this day, 36 years ago, I married my best friend, my soul mate, My Endless Love. He went to be with Jesus much sooner than either of us had every dared imagine. I could not imagine my life without him. It remains the single most difficult thing I have ever done....to release him to our Lord, to allow our love to live into eternity.

I will never stop missing him or loving him. It has been nearly 29 months since his home going and I still miss him so badly the pain is actually physical at times. I long to see his face, his smile, to look into his eyes, to hear his voice and feel his gentle touch. In my dreams he remains young and strong and ever with me. I do not say I will never love again, but any other love will never compare to the love we shared.

Christmas 2000
Only 8 short months after the accident that changed our lives forever.

So, Happy Anniversary in heaven Terry.

You will always be My Endless Love.

Prayers Are Needed................

2011-06-13T01:46:00.000-05:00

Connie & Dave
July 2010

I would like to ask each of you to remember a very precious sister in prayer today, tomorrow and in the days ahead. Connie and her soul mate, her dear husband, are facing a battle. Her precious husband, Dave, has been diagnosed with prostate cancer. Preliminary tests have shown the cancer to already have spread beyond the confines of the prostate. Just how much it has spread will not be fully known until after surgery. Dave is having surgery on Tuesday morning.

Please pray for Dave, Connie and their precious family as they face the days ahead. Pray for healing according the perfect will of the Lord, for strength and for wisdom for the medical personnel as they approach this ordeal. Connie just lost her Mom a couple of weeks ago and Dave lost his Dad just a few short months back. They have been through trials and have remained constant in their devotion to the Lord and to each other. It would bless my heart to know each of you are praying for them as they face this battle.

Are any of you in trouble? Then you should pray.

Are any of you happy? Then sing songs of praise.

Are any of you sick? Then send for the elders of the church

to pray over you. Ask them to anoint you with oil

in the name of the Lord.

The prayer offered by those who have faith

will make you well. The Lord will heal you...

...Pray for one another so that you might be healed.

The prayer of a godly person is powerful.

It makes things happen.

Elijah was just like us. He prayed hard that it wouldn't rain.

And it didn't rain on the land for three and a half years.

Then he prayed again. That time it rained.

And the earth produced its crops.

James 5: 13-18 (NIRV)

Godly people cry out, and the Lord hears them.

He saves them from all of their troubles.

The Lord is close to those whose hearts have been broken.

He saves those whose spirits have been crushed.

Anyone who does what is right may have many troubles.

But the Lord saves him from all of them.

Psalm 34:17-19 (NIRV)

I Believe..............

2011-06-12T00:00:00.001-05:00

"That the people you care about most in life
are taken from you much too soon."

Wow! Amen to that one! I'm pretty sure I've never heard someone say "Well, I loved him/her dearly, but I was sure ready to give them up." We are never ready for those whom we love to leave us. They may have been with us for many, many years, but we continue to desire their presence in our daily lives. The more we love them, the more we dread the day of their parting. And yet, part we must for life is a finite experience. We are born and we die, that is the way it is. I'm not at all certain that's the way God planned it from the beginning, but it is the way it must be due to our own failings.

I have sat quietly the bedside of so many loved ones as they approached that parting, some of whom I felt were surely prepared to meet the Lord; others whom I had grave questions about. It is so much easier to face that parting when we can feel assured of the preparation our loved one has made with the Lord. I've never felt greater pain than when I was unsure as to whether my loved one had made peace with the Lord.

Conversely, one the greatest joys I've ever known was to sit with my Momma as she approached her crossing with the calm assurance of one who has made that preparation and who has been serving the Lord for many years. It was the same with my Maw McDonald, who had so wanted to go home for a good while before her crossing.

I sat with my husband as he approached his crossing. I so did not want him to go, but I knew he was going and I knew he would be better off. As difficult as it was, it was also a sacred moment when he made that final step into eternity. My sisters and I stood at his bedside and allowed our pain to wash out in tears as we praised the Lord because one of His children was now at rest, never to suffer again.

I now sit watching my Daddy. His body grows weaker every day; he slips a bit closer to his crossing with every breath he takes. Those breaths now come more labored and he sleeps much of the time. I see him giving way to that pull from beyond our sight. Although it makes me sad, it also lifts my soul with joy. He has suffered so much and been so lonely since Momma went home. I understand that loneliness. As much as I don't want to say goodbye, I know he will be so much better off.

So, I prepare myself for deaths next visit to my house. I've walked this road before; it still is not easy. So little of life is easy, but it is all so worth the effort. To be able to give back just a small part of the sacrifice Daddy made for me has been such a precious and sweet experience to me. Of course, there have been hard days, days when the frustration overshadowed the joy. That is all a natural part of the 'letting go' process. Overall, the joys have far outweighed the pain.

I feel it won't be long for Daddy and I pray I am right. I don't want to see him suffer and I know the greatest healing of all is that crossing into eternal rest in the presence of our Lord. So, I await deaths visit,not with joy, but with the hope of one who knows Jesus Christ and who knows there will be a reunion day after which Daddy and I will never be parted again. Praise Jesus!

Brothers and sisters, we want you to know

about those Christians who have died

so you will not be sad, as others who have no hope.

We believe that Jesus died and that he rose again.

So, because of him, God will raise with Jesus

those who have died.

What we tell you now is the Lord's own message.

We who are living when the Lord comes again

will not go before those who have already died.

The Lord himself will come down from heaven

with a loud command, with the voice of the archangel,

and with the trumpet call of God.

And those who have died believing in Christ will rise first.

After that, we who are still alive

will be gathered up with them in the clouds

to meet the Lord in the air.

And we will be with the Lord forever.

So encourage each other with these words.

1 Thessalonians 4: 13-18

First Comes Love, Then Comes Marriage.....

2011-06-10T00:00:00.002-05:00

Brian K. Eppers & Katie Gwen Watkins Eppers
June 10, 2000

Eleven years ago on this date, the man of my niece's dreams took her to be his bride. I have to tell you, I don't think either of them could have made a better choice! They are both precious, loving people who have given each other opportunities to grow in ways each perhaps could not have known had they not been together.

Cutting the Groom's cake.

They were so young and so in love. As Katie walked down the aisle on the arm of her Dad, Brian stood at the altar with tears streaming down his face. I have never been so touched in my life as I was to see him so humble and so obviously in love with our Blonde Bombshell!

It was obvious to me he would be my nephew early in their relationship. Katie had allowed Brian to protect her, something she had never done with any other guy she had dated. She had always been very independent. When she allowed Brian to take over and drive the two of them from their campus in Texas during a winter storm for Christmas 1998, I knew he was the one.

Katie & Brian K-I-S-S-I-N-G under the tree!

They have faced trials together. Brain joined the military and trained to become an MP. He was gone for the usual Basics, then for an additional period of training and was barely home when he was notified he would be deployed to Iraq. Their youngest, Jaden, turned one in October 2003 while Brian was training and barely saw him until he returned home in December 2005 after his tour of duty in Iraq.

They moved from Middle Tennessee to Mason City, IA and then back down to Des Moines, IA. In the meantime, Brian changed his specialty from Medic to Medical NCO as a member of a Civil Support Team, Weapons of Mass Destruction with the Dept. of Homeland Security. Katie has worked to gain her degree and has become the Leasing Agent for Highpointe Properties in Norwalk.

Alix Joy, Brian, Katie & Jaden Isaac Eppers
May 2010

They now have two beautiful children, Alix and Jaden, and have a good life together. Brian is continuing his education and working toward a degree in psychology. They have weathered a health scare with their daughter and have grown even closer as a family and as a couple. They serve together on the Praise & Worship team for their church, Crossroads Church, in Norwalk.

I pray they will have many, many wonderful years ahead of them. I love them with my whole heart and know they love me. What better can a person wish for than to know they are loved by those whom they love?!

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY, BRIAN & KATIE!

I LOVE YOU, FOREVER & ALWAYS!

Jesus replied,

"Haven't you read that in the beginning the Creator

'made them male and female'?—(Genesis 1:27)

He said,

'That's why a man will leave his father and mother

and be joined to his wife.

The two will become one.'—(Genesis 2:24)

They are no longer two, but one.

So a man must not separate what God has joined together."

Matthew 19: 4-6

"But suppose you don't want to serve him.

Then choose for yourselves right now whom you will serve.

You can choose the gods your people served

east of the Euphrates River.

Or you can choose the gods the Amorites serve.

After all, you are living in their land.

But as for me and my family, we will serve the Lord."

Joshua 24: 15

I Surrender All....

2011-06-08T01:04:00.000-05:00

"All to Jesus I surrender...."

As hard as I try, I am often such a failure at living what I teach! On this past Sunday, my sister and I were asked to fill-in for our Sunday School teachers who were planning a trip out of town. We both accepted the request joyfully and I looked forward to teaching with her.

When I began to study the lesson, I admit to thinking it would be an easy lesson to teach. It was all about how all we have, in any capacity, belongs to God from the beginning. Whatever we give to Him is only being returned to it's original owner. Whether it be our time, our energy, our talent, our resources, our steadfastness of faith....it all belonged to Him from the beginning. It was gifted to us by Him.

I have believed that for so many years and have tried diligently practice it. I admit to having faltered at times, but as a general rule, I have no trouble giving to the Lord. Just let me say that that should have been my first warning. When we think we are so secure and so dedicated to the Lord, we are sure to be put into a position to see just how true, or untrue, our perception is.

I sat down to pay some bills online on Sunday evening. I gathered my bills, opened up my banking account on my laptop program and was ready to go. Oh, but I had forgotten to retrieve my flash drive...the one that stored my account numbers, passwords, etc. I went to the place I usually keep these only to find it was not there. I looked everywhere I thought I might have put it, only to be disappointed at each stop. I couldn't find it anywhere.

I began to panic. You see, not only is my account information stored on that drive, so are picture files of several different occasions. The most important was a file that contained the last pictures I ever took of Terry before he went home to be with Jesus. My account information will be a pain to retrieve, but it can be done. Other information contained on the drive, such as recipes and health care records, can also be retrieved. Some of the photos have been copied to other files in other locations, but for the most part, those pictures only existed on that drive in that file.

I was heart broken . I turned things upside down here several different times and still did not find the drive. I called my sister and asked her to be praying about it. She assured me she would do so and reminded me that the Lord gives us the desires of our heart. Every time I thought of it, I would become physically ill because of the pictures I lost.

I continued to search all day Monday and Tuesday with no new discoveries. Finally, on Tuesday afternoon, I posted to my online Sisters and asked them to pray as well. They responded with assurances of prayer and reminded me, just as my sister had, that God gives us the desires of our heart. I continued to search.

As I was searching, the Lord began to speak to my heart, gently reminding me of the Sunday School lesson. I must confess I didn't want to be reminded of it, particularly at that moment in time. I wouldn't say I was angry, just heart broken.

As I stilled myself and got quiet with the Lord, I listened as He spoke words of comfort to my heart and wept as he passed images of Terry before my mind. He reminded me that all was not lost, that He owned all that was contained on that drive. He would deliver the memories of Terry that I needed to comfort me as I needed them. I can depend on Him and I will NEVER lose Him!

I would be lying if I said it didn't still bother me, but it's not the burden on my heart that it was. I relearned an old lesson, the secret is in surrender. I cannot have peace unless I surrender everything I am and have to the Lord. Nothing in my life is mine, it is on loan to me by the Creator God who loves me without beginning or end. His love has no boundaries and is not hindered by my own doubts. I am hindered when I doubt, but His love for me is not.

So, as I sit here typing, know that the Lord who gave His life's blood for me cares about everything that I care about. When I hurt, He hurts. The things that cause me pain and the pain I feel can be relieved and I can be comforted when I surrender all to Him. What an amazing and awesome God we serve!

In the words of the hymn "I Surrender All" penned by Judson W. Van DeVenter in 1896:

"All to Jesus I surrender, all to him I freely give.

I will ever love and trust Him, in His presence daily live.

I surrender all, I surrender all;

All to thee my precious Savior, I surrender all!"

In the words of Peter the Apostle from his first letter the churches of Asia Minor:

"So don't be proud. Put yourselves under God's mighty hand.

Then he will honor you at the right time.

Turn all your worries over to him. He cares about you.

Control yourselves. Be on your guard.

Your enemy the devil is like a roaring lion.

He prowls around looking for someone

to chew up and swallow.

Stand up to him.

Stand firm in what you believe..."

1 Peter 5: 6 - 9a (NIRV)

I Believe......................

2011-06-05T00:22:00.001-05:00

"That no matter how bad your heart is broken,
the world doesn't stop for your grief."

This is, unfortunately, so true. When Momma died, even Terry couldn't always offer the comfort I needed. He tried, very hard. But even his best efforts were sometimes short of what my heart needed. As much as I loved him and shared everything with him, he still could not reach into the depths of my heart and experience the loss as I did.

When Terry died, my family circled around me. They took care of me and tried so hard to offer comfort. Their love was a balm for my wounded spirit, but it could not experience my loss as I did. They could not experience the emptiness of looking across the room and knowing I would never again see Terry sitting in his chair or hear him calling my name or see his smile or the glint of devilment often present in his eyes as he teased me. As much as they loved me, they could not feel the pain I was feeling.

When those we love experience loss, we want so badly to say the right words, do the right things, be where we should be when we should be there in order to help them and comfort them. However, we fall short. It is through no fault of our own. We are finite humans dwelling among finite humans. As much as we love each other and want to offer comfort, our abilities are limited by our understanding. Even when we ourselves have experienced loss, we lack the ability to understand the pain of others because each of us experiences pain differently. What works for one does not always work for another. It is both the blessing and the curse of individuality.

So, where are we to turn when we need comfort, consolation, restoration and healing from pain and grief? Only one answer can truly satisfy our needs........JESUS. He understands us because He is a part of the triune God who created us. He sees into the deepest recesses of our hearts and souls and knows our pain. Not only does He know our pain, but He only possesses the ability to soothe our pain and give us comfort and healing while restoring our joy.

If your heart is broken, won't you turn to Jesus to find true healing and restoration? He's waiting for you and wants to help you, but He will not push himself on you. He will only come when you invite his presence.

He heals those who have broken hearts.

He takes care of their wounds.

He decides how many stars there should be.

He gives each one of them a name.

Great is our Lord. His power is mighty.

There is no limit to his understanding.

The Lord gives strength to those who aren't proud.

But he throws evil people down to the ground.

The Lord takes delight in those who have respect for him.

They put their hope in his faithful love.

Psalm 147: 3-6, 11 (NIRV)

Honor and Remembrance

2011-05-30T10:38:00.000-05:00

Today we set aside a time to honor our service men and women of both the present and the past. We take time to thank them for their service and their sacrifice for our country and our freedom. More than any nation on earth, we have much for which to be thankful. Because of that, we owe a greater debt of gratitude to those who have won and kept our country free.

In light of those thoughts, I wanted to post pictures of some of my family who have served, and those who are now serving. My heart bursts with pride to know my heritage. I want each of them to know how thankful I am for all they have given to me and to our country.

My Sweet Nephew after Basics in Ft. Leonard Wood, MO
Caleb M. Watkins

U.S. Army---TN National Guard

2010 - Present

My Nephew-In-Love on deployment in Iraq, 2005
Brian K. Eppers

U. S. Army

2004 - Present
Currently Medical NCO · Des Moines, Iowa
Weapons of Mass Destruction - Civil Support Team

My Handsome Daddy
Van P. McDonald
U.S. Army---Sharpshooter
Koren Conflict Era
April, 1952 - September, 1953

My Great-Uncle

Ralph F. Newland
U. S. Army
World War II

Endure suffering along with me,

as a good soldier of Christ Jesus.

Soldiers don’t get tied up in the affairs of civilian life,

for then they cannot please the officer who enlisted them.

2 Timothy 2: 3 & 4

I Believe...........

2011-05-22T01:41:00.000-05:00

"That it isn't always enough to be forgiven by others.
Sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself.:

Truer words have never been spoken; nor is any truth more essential to our right relationship with the Lord, with others and with ourselves.

Knowing that Jesus has forgiven me is the greatest gift I have ever received. To know that others forgive me when I mess up is also a great gift. However, the importance of both of these gifts and my ability to enjoy them to their full value depends greatly upon my own ability to forgive myself.

Matthew 6:12 says "...and forgive us our sins, as we have forgiven those who sin against us." This is the New Living Translation of that verse. The Common English Bible translation puts it this way "...Forgive us for the ways we have wronged you, just as we also forgive those who have wronged us."

"A man's discretion makes him slow to anger, and it is his glory to overlook a transgression." That is from Proverbs 19:11 in the New American Standard Bible translation. The Message paraphrase says it like this "Smart people know how to hold their tongue; their grandeur is to forgive and forget."

Neither you nor I would argue that, as a Christian, we are commanded by the Lord to forgive others. We are admonished by Jesus in Matthew 6:14-15 "For if you forgive others for their transgressions, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others, then your Father will not forgive your transgressions." This is quoted from the New American Standard Bible translation. It is more than clear what the Lord's will is regarding forgiveness of others.

What, then, does forgiving one's self have to do with our relationship with the Lord and/or with others? In the New Living Translation, 1 John 1: 8-10 has this to say about forgiveness...."If we claim we have no sin, we are only fooling ourselves and not living in the truth. But if we confess our sins to him, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all wickedness. If we claim we have not sinned, we are calling God a liar and showing that his word has no place in our hearts." Now, I don't know what that says to you; but to me it says that confession of sins to God begets forgiveness of our sins, and not only forgiveness, but cleansing. When something is clean, what need is there to fret over it?

Let's suppose my house is dirty. (To be truthful, that wouldn't take much 'supposing'!) Anyway, my house is dirty. That's my confession. I work hard to clean my house, I make sacrifices to be sure the job is done well. That's what Jesus did for us on Calvary and the job doesn't need to be redone! Now, when my house is dirty again next weekend, should I feel guilty? Would that not be an absurdity? Why should I feel guilty when I worked hard this weekend to be sure my house is clean?

So, my spiritual 'house' is clean because Jesus has already made the ultimate sacrifice for the cleansing. My spiritual 'house' is clean because I've asked Jesus to forgive me and have confessed my sin to God. Now, from time to time, my spiritual 'house' becomes quite messy and dirty again. I allow the 'dirt' of my daily life to collect and ignore the daily tasks. My spiritual 'house' is dirty.

When I realize that, I turn to the Heavenly Father in prayer and cry out to Him to forgive my 'dirt' and to cleanse my 'house'. As soon as the words are uttered, forgiveness is freely given. My spiritual 'house' is again clean. Now, I ask you again, what do I have to feel guilty about? As I have said before, guilt is a product of Satan. It serves no good purpose in the life of a Christian. Rather, the Heavenly Father uses conviction to remind us of our need for cleansing.

Once the Father has forgiven me, why would I continue to torture myself with the guilt of my past sins? What good does that serve? How can I be an effective Christian if I am walking around bound by the chains of guilt? Jesus shed His blood to loose the chains of sin and guilt and to free us from the bonds of death.

We don't seem to have a problem accepting salvation as a future event in that we are forgiven and will someday occupy our heavenly home. Why do we have such a difficult time accepting that salvation is a present blessing. We can live a life free of guilt, shame, discouragement and ineffectiveness because Jesus wiped all of that away with His precious blood!

What a pity that we continue to live defeated lives when the price has already been paid for our liberty and an abundant and joy-filled life. The Father forgives us and we forgive others; may we all begin to practice forgiveness to ourselves so we can be the kingdom heir we were meant to be!

"Yes, I am the gate. Those who come in through me will be saved. They will come and go freely and will find good pastures. The thief’s purpose is to steal and kill and destroy. My purpose is to give them a rich and satisfying life. I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd sacrifices his life for the sheep."

John 10: 9-11 (NLT)

I Believe......................

2011-05-15T04:56:00.000-05:00

"That sometimes when I'm angry, I have the
right to be angry, but that doesn't give me the
right to be cruel."

Even the Lord Jesus became angry when righteous anger was warranted. (See Matthew 21: 12-13) He acted upon his anger and expressed the reasons behind it. That is the perfect picture of how He expects His children to deal with anger.

Ephesians 4: 26-27 says it this way: "And 'don’t sin by letting anger control you.' Don’t let the sun go down while you are still angry, for anger gives a foothold to the devil."

So, the Lord knew we would, at times, become angry and provided instruction for His way of managing that anger.

"Don't let the sun go down while you are still angry" is one of the most difficult things for me to do. I tend to enjoy 'stewing in my own juices', as Momma used to say. I want to enjoy my justified anger and get every drop of angst out of it before letting it go.

However, Paul tells us the practical reason the Lord wants us to forgive in a timely manner...'for anger gives a foothold to the devil'.

When Terry and I were first married, we made a pact with each other and with the Lord to make our best efforts at trying to obey this admonition with regard to our marital relationship. I have often told people the two of us never went to bed angry with each other, but we sure spent some sleepless nights along the way! And, that is the truth. I cannot remember a time in our marriage that we closed our eyes while still angry with each other.

However, I cannot say the same in my other relationships. While I found it almost simple to keep my promise to Terry and to the Lord to deal with marital anger in a right way, I have found it anything but simple to deal with anger in general in the same manner. So, I press on knowing I have work to do in this area of my life.

The quotation above brings yet another factor into play when dealing with anger. I may have the right to be angry, but I never have the right to be cruel. Even as He hung upon the cross dying, Jesus cried out to His Father "Father forgive them, they don't know what they're doing". (See Luke 23: 33-35) If anyone at anytime had a right to be angry and cruel, it was Jesus Christ at that very moment in time! Yet, He patterned for us exactly what He had taught.

I have no delusions, I am not Christ and I make mistakes. However, because I am a Christian, I have the power available to me to deal with anger just as lovingly as did He. Our problem is not that we don't have the power, it is that we lack the resolve to use that power in the manner Christ intended.

When the Holy Spirit descended on the church at Pentecost, He brought with Him the power to live victoriously. (^"On the day of Pentecostall the believers were meeting together in one place. Suddenly, there was a sound from heaven like the roaring of a mighty windstorm, and it filled the house where they were sitting. Then, what looked like flames or tongues of fire appeared and settled on each of them. And everyone present was filled with the Holy Spirit..." Acts 2:1-4a)

When I became a Christian and received the Holy Spirit, I was endued with that same power. ("But the Comforter, which is the Holy Ghost, whom the Father will send in my name, he shall teach you all things, and bring all things to your remembrance, whatsoever I have said unto you. Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid." John 14: 26-27)

How I use, or fail to use, that power is a decision that is wholly my own. When I mess up, I have no one to blame but myself.

Be angry, don't sin, don't give the devil a place (foothold) in my life. Those are simple instructions. When coupled with the knowledge that I have the power of the Holy Spirit to do exactly as instructed, I am left with the truth that I do as I choose to do.

Precious Father, help me do as You desire, not as I choose. AMEN

Any Ordinary Saturday................

2011-05-11T22:35:00.000-05:00

This picture was actually taken about a year after we met.

Saturday, May 12, 1973 was any ordinary Saturday at our house. The school week was over and the year nearing it's end. The work week was over and it was time to clean, garden, mow grass, tend to the farm, prepare for Sunday....all the usual Saturday goings on at our house.

We got up at our usual time, around 7 a.m. Momma cooked breakfast, we ate and started our day's chores. Momma, my sisters and I cleaned the house, did the laundry and ironing. Daddy plowed the garden and tended to the farm animals. My sisters and I worked together and got the grass mowed. Everyone showered and we were off to do the grocery shopping.

This was typically the night we had supper at the little local drive-up cafe; they made the BEST burgers! For some reason, Momma didn't want to eat out so we purchased our groceries and went home. Also a bit unusual was the fact that we had no other errands to run. Knowing we would be getting home early, I was planning to shampoo my hair. It was before the time of blow dryers (well, I didn't have one, at any rate!) and drying my hair took several hours.

We got home and Momma started to prepare supper. Around 5 p.m., the telephone rang and I answered. A male voice came from the other end, one I did not recognize. He asked "May I speak to Diane, please?" I answered "This is Diane." He proceeded to say that he was Terry Chandler and that he was a friend of one of my friends (he mentioned her name), that she was dating one of his friends and had suggested that he call me. He went on to ask if I would like to go out with him THAT NIGHT!

I told him I'd have to ask my parents and that he should call back in about 15 minutes. I asked Momma and she said "Ask Daddy". Well, Daddy was out walking the pasture and I had no idea where to find him! I ran out to the pasture and, what luck, he was right there within eyesight! Just any ordinary Saturday. I told Daddy what was going on and told him Momma had said to ask him. He said it was ok with him if it was ok with her.

I ran back and told Momma what Daddy said. She asked 1000 questions and I told her what I knew, which was very little. She finally said "Well, if your friend knows him, then he must be ok. Tell him you can go if you want to go"! Now, the REAL problem presented itself....my hair! I had showered before the drive to do the grocery shopping, but I hadn't washed my hair. Now, I was going to be meeting a new guy and with dirty hair!

The phone rang and Momma answered...she said I shouldn't look so eager! Aren't Mommas ALWAYS right?! Terry went through the whole thing with her and asked her if I wanted to go, she said that I did. He then asked her if she and Daddy were ok with that. She said they were. He then asked to speak to me. He told me he could be there in 30 minutes to pick me up, would that be ok? I asked for an hour and he said that would be good and that our friends would be with him. Any ordinary Saturday? Hmmmm, not quite!

I tried on everything I owned looking for the perfect outfit; I put my hair in every conceivable style trying to make it look presentable. I ended up just tossing it on my head and saying well, if he doesn't like it, he doesn't like it! Time was nearing for his arrival and I was more nervous than I had ever been in my life!

About 5 minutes before he was scheduled to arrive, we saw a car pull into our drive. Momma sent me to the back of the house. I heard the doorbell and heard Momma answer the door. There was some talking and then she called me to the living room. Terry was standing just inside our front door, he looked a bit nervous too! Thank the Lord! Momma introduced me to him, our eyes met and I knew I had just looked into the eyes of the man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with.

His eyes were kind and caring, his face was gentle and his manner was quiet and respectful. There was pain in his eyes, pain that had been there long enough to become comfortable in. I knew instinctively that I could trust this man and that he would protect me. Any ordinary Saturday at our house had just become the most important Saturday of my life.

That was 38 years ago on this date. Standing in our living room on that day, I knew I would love Terry and that he would love me and that it would last forever. I would like to say that I had been a spiritual person and had prayed earnestly for the Lord to send the right man to me, but it would be a lie. I had become a Christian at the age of 11 and I tried to live pleasing to the Lord, but just hadn't learned that God had a plan for my life and that I should be praying about being in his will and His plan. I honestly don't think I had ever prayed one prayer regarding that issue. I was 15 and not at all thinking about marriage. But God.....

God had a plan for me and for Terry and He knew those plans intersected at that moment in time and that He was placing us together to bring us into His plan. I am so thankful the Lord placed Terry in my life. Loving someone for 38 years is but a splinter in time when compared to eternity....our love now lives in eternity. Terry always signed any card, note or letter written to me with "I Love You, Forever and Always". Indeed he has.

For so long after he went home, I couldn't remember a lot about the last days of his life. I could remember what happened, but not what he said. It hurt me because I wanted so badly to remember, it just would not come to me. Then, just a few weeks ago, I began to remember things he had said to me during those last weeks of his life...specific things.

Just before he became unconscious, he called me to his bedside. He had been doing that, but wouldn't say anything after I got to his bedside. I would check to make sure he didn't need anything and be sure he was comfortable and then I would just sit with him until he would dose off to sleep again. That last time he called me, he simply called out "Di" and I went to him. He looked up at me and seemed to want to say something but couldn't quite get it out.

I did my best to comfort him, but he would not be comforted. After several minutes, he squeezed my hand and whispered "forever and always". Tears began to pour across my face. I kissed him and said "I know, you love me forever and always. And, I love you, forever and always." He never uttered another syllable after that, nor did he ever open his eyes again. That was on Saturday before he went home in the early hours of Monday morning. It was not any ordinary Saturday; it was the most precious and extraordinary Saturday of my life since May 12, 1973.

Every time I remember it, I cry with thankfulness to the Lord for helping me to remember it and for the love He blessed me with for all those years. Terry was not a perfect man, he had many faults. However, he loved the Lord and he loved me, so much so that he would have gladly given his life for the Lord or for me. I am so thankful God always knows what we need and gives us the desires of our heart, even before we know what they are.

Terry, I love you, forever and always, and I will see you again in heaven.

Trust in the LORD and do good;

Dwell in the land and cultivate faithfulness.

Delight yourself in the LORD;

And He will give you the desires of your heart.
Commit your way to the LORD,

Trust also in Him, and He will do it.

Psalm 37: 3-5 (NASB)

I Believe...............

2011-05-08T00:00:00.001-05:00

"That money is a lousy way of keeping score."

I did not plan this as my Mother's Day post, but am thankful the Lord always has a plan and it is always on time!

Momma used to say "It's not what you have that makes you a success, it's what you give away"....wow, was Momma ever right! (Have you noticed they usually are?!)

We try to find our worth in so many different ways and things, when the truth is that our worth is inherent on the fact that God created us and loved us so much that He gave His only Son to bring us back into relationship with Him. Nothing I own can make me worthy of Jesus' blood sacrifice, but what I give away has much to do with my worthiness.

Now, you may find that an odd statement and may even balk at it. Just be patient and consider what I have to say. When I came to Jesus, broken and hopelessly separated from God, the first thing I had to do to establish my relationship with Him was give up my pride. I had to admit that I needed Him. He most certainly did not need me, but He wanted me. My relationship with Him only became real when I exchanged my pride for His grace.

Then, after giving up my willful pride, I had to give up the desires and dreams I held for myself in exchange for His desires and plans for me. That's not easy. Quite frankly, it has taken me my entire Christian life to begin to understand just how difficult that is. However, difficult as it may be, it is so worth the sacrifice! The joy I have gained for the plans I have sacrificed is immeasurable. The peace I have when I know I have fully submitted my will to His is indescribable.

Daily I am learning that true happiness only comes when I can 'give away' a part of myself. Sometimes, that means giving up something for the Lord; at others it means giving up something for other people. I think perhaps Godly Mothers know more about that than anyone else.

My own Momma gave of herself hourly to Daddy, to her children, to her extended family members, to neighbors, to people she didn't know simply because she understood the 'give away' principle. I can honestly say I have known few people who possess the ability to give as freely as did Momma.

I believe Jesus made this point clear when speaking to the religious leaders of His own day......

When he finished that talk, a Pharisee asked him to dinner.

He entered his house and sat right down at the table.

The Pharisee was shocked and somewhat offended

when he saw that Jesus didn't wash up before the meal.

But the Master said to him,

"I know you Pharisees burnish the surface

of your cups and plates so they sparkle in the sun,

but I also know your insides are maggoty

with greed and secret evil. Stupid Pharisees!

Didn't the One who made the outside also make the inside?

Turn both your pockets and your hearts inside out

and give generously to the poor;

then your lives will be clean,

not just your dishes and your hands.

"I've had it with you! You're hopeless, you Pharisees! Frauds!

You keep meticulous account books,

tithing on every nickel and dime you get,

but manage to find loopholes for getting around

basic matters of justice and God's love.

Careful bookkeeping is commendable,

but the basics are required.

Luke 11: 40-42 (The Message)

So, I think Momma was right........it's not about what we have, but what we give away. Thank you, Momma for teaching me to give of myself without expecting anything in return. You may have never had great possessions here below, but your crowns were many when you met Jesus face-to-face. It is my prayer to walk in your footsteps as I make my journey home.

I Believe..................

2011-05-01T00:43:00.000-05:00

"That either you control your attitude
or it controls you."

I cannot tell you how absolutely truthful I believe this statement to be. Romans 12: 1- 2 from the New Living Translations puts it this way: "And so, dear brothers and sisters, I plead with you to give your bodies to God because of all he has done for you. Let them be a living and holy sacrifice—the kind he will find acceptable. This is truly the way to worship him.Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect."

I also like The Message paraphrase of the same reference, which says this: "So here's what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life—your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life—and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him. Don't become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You'll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you."

Ephesians 4: 22 - 24 from the New Living Translation says this: "...throw off your old sinful nature and your former way of life, which is corrupted by lust and deception. Instead, let the Spirit renew your thoughts and attitudes. Put on your new nature, created to be like God—truly righteous and holy."

Over the years, I have found that my attitude over my day directly reflects what type of day I will have; my attitude over my relationships shows up in the actions toward those with whom I am in relationship. It should come as no surprise, then, that my attitudes about God guide how I will relate to God and to His plan for my life.

As is true with many people, I have struggled with many demons throughout my life. Those struggles have taught me that I choose how to battle my demons. I am not doomed to live in unhappiness, guilt, shame, and seclusion. God did not design me for that and does not desire that kind of life for me. If I live there, it is because I have chosen to do so.

That seems like such an easy thing to understand and act upon. It has taken me my entire life to this point to realize these things and to begin to move toward the true light of forgiveness and the transformation of renewing my mind and my attitudes through Jesus Christ.

For most of my life, I had felt trapped in an unhappy place and very much a victim of my circumstances. I am not saying I was not a victim of some actions perpetrated upon me by others who should never have done those things to me. However, by choosing to remain the victim instead of walking in the renewal freely given me by Jesus Christ, I was also choosing to live a life of constant unhappiness and desperately searching for something more.

I recently heard Joyce Meyer say that we are educated beyond our application. That made real sense to me. I know the Word, and have been hiding it in my heart since a child. However, there is a great divide between knowing it and applying it. I think what Ms. Meyer was saying was that we know, now we must do. The 'more' we're constantly searching for has already been revealed. It is now up to us individually to apply what we know to our daily living and walking with the Lord.

When the knowing is applied, then the 'more' will become all that God meant it to be in us. I am more grateful than I can express with words that I have learned that lesson. It took many years and enough tears to fill a river to get here, but it is so worth it to finally understand!

I pray that anyone reading this and struggling with these issues, or others, will understand that God gave you everything you need to live a victorious Christian life when you asked Jesus Christ into your heart. Whether we take advantage of all He gave us is completely up to us. We must choose daily, sometimes minute-by-minute, that renewing of our mind...turning our hearts, minds, thoughts and attitudes to the Lord and to His will and plan for our life.

I pray today you will choose that renewing in order to experience God in all His majesty and His plan for your life in all He meant you to be.

"Still He Walked"

2011-04-24T00:00:00.001-05:00

"Still He Walked"

He could hear the crowds screaming "crucify" "crucify"...

He could hear the hatred in their voices,

These were his chosen people.

He loved them,

And they were going to crucify him.

He was beaten, bleeding and weakened...

His heart was broken,

But still He walked.

He could see the crowd as he came from the palace.

He knew each of the faces so well.

He had created them.

He knew every smile, every laugh, and every shed tear,

But now they were contorted with rage and anger

His heart broke,

But still He walked.

He felt alone.

His disciples had left, denied, and even betrayed him.

He searched the crowd for a loving face

And he saw very few.

Then he turned his eyes to the only one that mattered

Knowing that he would never be alone.

He looked back at the crowd...

At the people who were spitting at him

Throwing rocks at him and mocking him

And He knew that because of Him,

They would never be alone.

So for them, He walked.

The sounds of the hammer striking the spikes

echoed through the crowd.

The cheers of the crowd,

as his hands and feet were nailed to the cross,

Intensified with each blow.

And God's heart broke.

He had let His son walk.

Jesus could have asked God to end his suffering,

But instead He asked God to forgive.

Not to forgive him,

but to forgive the ones who were persecuting him.

As he hung on that cross,

dying an unimaginable death,

He looked out and saw, not only the faces in the crowd,

But also, the face of every person yet to be,

And his heart filled with love.

As his body was dying, his heart was alive.

Alive with the limitless, unconditional love

he feels for each of us.

That is why He walked.

When I forget how much My God loves me,

...I remember his walk.

When I wonder if I can be forgiven,

...I remember his walk.

When I need to be reminded of how to live like Christ,

...I think of his walk.

And to show him how much I love him,

...I wake up each morning, turn my eyes to him,

......And I walk.

Author Unknown

"I want to know Christ and experience the mighty power that raised him from the dead. I want to suffer with him, sharing in his death, so that one way or another I will experience the resurrection from the dead! I don’t mean to say that I have already achieved these things or that I have already reached perfection. But I press on to possess that perfection for which Christ Jesus first possessed me. No, dear brothers and sisters, I have not achieved it, but I focus on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us."

Philipians 3: 10-14 (NLT)

Resting In Heaven.............

2011-04-22T16:43:00.000-05:00

March 23, 1997
40th Wedding Anniversary Celebration

Five years ago this week (the 20th, to be exact) Momma went home to be with Jesus. In so many ways it seems like so much longer, yet it sometimes hurts just as badly as if it had been just yesterday. We miss you Momma, we always will, and we love you. You were the glue that held us all together. Thank you for giving us the roots to be a family and the wings to be individuals. There was never, and will never be, another like you!

Our Family
March 23, 1997
Back (L-R) Terry Chandler, Momma, Ricky Watkins, Daddy, Dwade Howell
Middle (L-R) Katie Watkins, Me, Charlotte Watkins, Debra Howell, Adam Howell
Jacob, Caleb and Jared Watkins

Daddy & Momma
March 23, 1997

Who can find a virtuous and capable wife?

She is more precious than rubies.

Her husband can trust her,

and she will greatly enrich his life.

She brings him good, not harm,

all the days of her life....

Her children stand and bless her.

Her husband praises her:

“There are many virtuous and capable women in the world,

but you surpass them all!”.....

Charm is deceptive, and beauty does not last;

but a woman who fears the Lord will be greatly praised.

Proverbs 31: 10-12, 28-30 (NLT)

I Believe.....................

2011-04-17T00:00:00.001-05:00

"That you should always leave loved ones with loving words.
It may be the last time you see them."

Precious Lord Jesus, help me to remember that the words of my mouth have the ability to speak life into the lives of others. Conversely, I also have the ability to speak death and discouragement if I do not allow You to control my tongue. May my words glorify You and encourage my brothers and sisters in Christ. May they help to lead those who are lost without You to the cross and to repentance and salvation. AMEN....

The words of the godly are a life-giving fountain;

the words of the wicked conceal violent intentions.

Hatred stirs up quarrels,

but love makes up for all offenses.

Proverbs 10: 11-12 (NLT)

How wonderful and pleasant it is

when brothers live together in harmony!

Psalm 133: 1 (NLT)

I Believe...............

2011-04-10T00:00:00.001-05:00

"That it's taking me a long time to become
the person I want to be."

Even more than that, I'm finding it's taking me longer to be what God wants me to be! I often wonder when I'll ever become a 'grown up Christian'?! When will I set aside petty prejudices, pride, jealousy, arrogance, fear and excuses and just be the woman of God I know He created me to be?!

He must get so annoyed with me. How many times have I gone whining to God about all my little insecurities and complaints and questions "Why, God, why?"; "When, God, when?"; "Where, God, where?"...........the list is endless. Yet, He is always loving and never turns me away.

I remember as a child going to Momma and asking "Why, Momma?", only to be answered with "Because I said so, that's why.". I knew better than to say another word after that. It was highly inadvisable unless I was ready for the consequences; and I most definitely was not ready for the consequences!

Why do I continue to push God, question God, when I know the consequences if I don't just do what He says? Yet, it matters not how many times I ask or how often I complain, God's endless grace covers my iniquity. In the immortal words of Paul, the Apostle.............

9 Each time he said, “My grace is all you need.

My power works best in weakness.”

So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses,

so that the power of Christ can work through me.

10 That’s why I take pleasure in my weaknesses,

and in the insults, hardships, persecutions,

and troubles that I suffer for Christ.

For when I am weak, then I am strong.

II Corinthians 12: 9-10 (NLT)

Legacy..........

2011-04-08T07:00:00.000-05:00

I have been so absent for the past several days! Daddy hasn't been well and so has required more of my time and attention. Also, I have been working on a couple of projects for our church. This gives me such great pleasure! For so long, I was so consumed with taking care of my late husband that I simply did not have energy or time to devote to the church. I have loved Jesus and tried to serve Him for most of my life, but I could not feel as though He wanted me to neglect Terry in order to take on jobs in the church.

Also, quite honestly, we had been involved in a really bad experience in our former church and I simply didn't have a desire to become involved again. My life was just too difficult already without adding the drama of dealing with carnal Christians who cared more about how things looked than winning people to the Lord. So, the joy of again being involved in a loving church and serving Him with people who have hearts driven by their love for Him and for His creatures is such a sweet experience to me now.

So, the projects are off the ground and I can get back to my blog and to each of you! Nothing earth shaking has been on my heart, just the joy of living and serving a loving and gracious God who teaches me more every day about who He is and helps me find who I am in Him. That has been a struggle to me since becoming a widow. Since I was 15, I was one half of 'us'; suddenly becoming only 'me' has been a trial. However, as always, God is faithful and has guided me along this path into a greater understanding of what He has in store for me and where He wants me to go from here.

I am so much more thankful for that direction than I will ever be able to express with words. There were times when in desperation I cried out to God that I felt so completely alone and useless. He never left me there; He always lifted me lovingly and carried me until I was again ready to walk, even if most gingerly, with Him. The journey has been a halting one, but one that has drawn me in to a place with the Lord I'm quite sure I would never have known had I not walked this path.

Don't you love how God does that? Your life can feel like it's flying apart at the seams and will never be good again. But God...........God steps in and reminds you of His love for you and of the numerous times in your past He has carried you through trials before. Your faith is strengthened for a few more steps in your present trial and so you walk forward. I'm so thankful He has kept me walking forward instead of turning back. I never want to turn back, to be unfit for my Lord and His service.

When I come to the end of my earthly existence, I want my life to be a continuous journey forward for the Lord. I want my legacy to be one of service to God, to others and for His glory. In the words of an old gospel song.............I've come too far to look back.

8 Give thanks to the Lord and proclaim his greatness.

Let the whole world know what he has done.

9 Sing to him; yes, sing his praises.

Tell everyone about his wonderful deeds.

10 Exult in his holy name;

rejoice, you who worship the Lord.

11 Search for the Lord and for his strength;

continually seek him.

12 Remember the wonders he has performed,

his miracles, and the rulings he has given,

34 Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good!

His faithful love endures forever.

36 Praise the Lord, the God of Israel,

who lives from everlasting to everlasting!

I Chronicles 16: 8-13, 34, 36 (NLT)

Blessed is the man that endureth temptation:

for when he is tried, he shall receive the crown of life,

which the Lord hath promised to them that love him.

James 1: 12

I Believe.......

2011-04-03T00:00:00.001-05:00

"That just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to,
doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have."

33 Dear children, I will be with you only a little longer.

And as I told the Jewish leaders,

you will search for me,

but you can’t come where I am going.

34 So now I am giving you a new commandment:

Love each other.

Just as I have loved you, you should love each other.

35 Your love for one another

will prove to the world that you are my disciples.”

John 13: 33-35 (NLT)

“Do not judge others, and you will not be judged.

² For you will be treated as you treat others.

The standard you use in judging

is the standard by which you will be judged.^"

Matthew 7: 1-2 (NLT)

Too Much, Too Little.....Is It Too Late????

2011-04-01T00:00:00.003-05:00

Josh Pastner
Head Coach
University of Memphis Tigers

This devilishly handsome young man is the Head Coach of the University of Memphis Tigers basketball team. He was hired in the summer of 2009 after John Calipari suddenly resigned and took a job with Kentucky. Cal, as he was affectionately known, left a bad taste in the mouth of Tiger fans not only because he left, but because of the way he left and the things he said as and after he left.

When Josh Pastner was hired, he was young (31) and a virtual unknown to fans. He however has shown himself to be more than adequately qualified for the position. In two seasons, he has brought the team back to the NCAA playoffs and has won more games in his first two seasons than any head coach in the NCAA. His recruiting accomplishments are perhaps some of his greatest successes. Fans love him, players love him and women REALLY love him. Unfortunately for the women, Pastner is a happily married man with morals; a dichotomy in and of itself these days.

I like Josh Pastner. I know absolutely nothing about basketball nor college sports, but I like what I see of him on the news reports. He seems to be honest, humble and dedicated to doing what is right. He has a reputation for being passionate about his sport, but also as being a 'nice guy' even where his team is concerned both on and off the court. No expletives flying through the air, no name calling or ranting and raving at players, peers, refs or fans. A real nice guy. Who knew they even existed any more? A very rare find indeed.

After taking his team to the playoffs after just two seasons with them, and rumors flying of other teams desire to steal him from the U of M, folks in Memphis decided they must plug the leak before it sprung. In interest of so doing, they offered Pastner a contract extension for an annual salary of 1.7 million dollars through the 2015-2016 season. Pastner has said before he had no plans of leaving U of M. However, his Momma didn't raise no fools and when the deal was offered, he signed. Smart move for Pastner and quite possibly for U of M as well.

So, what exactly is it that makes the whole thing so unpalatable to me? Just this, what man at age 33 who coaches a college sports team is in reality WORTH 1.7 million dollars a year? As I've said, I like Pastner; I even admire him. I think he's a great example to his players, his peers and his fans. Think about it for just a minute though. This is one man on one team the school supports. There are multiple supporting coaches, other teams with head coaches and supporting coaches, as well as whatever else comes with supporting sports in college.

How can a school justify such an expenditure when kids are foregoing higher education at the college and/or university level due to the affordability of said education? What are the salaries of tenured professors in lesser fields such as say, molecular biology or quantum physics? What are the salaries of professors helping to educate the future teachers, scientists, physicians and law enforcement personnel in our country? If they are commensurate with the sports salaries, the school's salary expenditures alone must be astronomical! No wonder scarce few can afford a degree anymore!

How many of these athletes go on to careers with earning potentials that are even vaguely commensurate with the cost of their education? Keep in mind, you must not only consider the costs of their scholarships, but the costs of their coaches, equipment, etc. How many athletes are even considered an average in any graduating class? Does anyone even keep up with these facts? Does anyone know the real cost of the athletic programs in these schools? I dare say, they do not.

In my opinion, it is but another indication of how skewed the thinking of this society has become. Our heroes are Hollywood types who have no idea what the real world is like and sports players who have no idea what the average man has paid for his/her quite expensive opportunity to party hearty and live immoral lives. I know these are quite general statements and do not apply to every college athlete. I am convinced, however, that it is more the norm than the exception.

We're forcing our grade school and high school students to push farther, work harder to learn the necessary math and science skills to be competitive in their future endeavors. We've even gone to year-round school classes in some districts in hopes of accomplishing this. Then, we send these wonderfully intelligent and highly educated young people off to college (if we can afford it) and what happens with all that hard earned knowledge? Are we over-educating the younger children only to feed them to the wolves of the sports-generated dollars flooding into our institutions of higher learning?

What if our very intelligent child isn't sports oriented? What if they enjoy books and poetry? What if science is their forte, or perhaps they're a whiz at math? Where are the huge scholarships for those children? I know scholarships exist in almost any and every field of interest; but are they on equal footing witht he athlete? I think not.

There's nothing wrong with athletics and I highly admire someone with athletic abilities. I myself once enjoyed running very much. However, those big scholarships were none-existant to runners in my day. If, however, you were great at basketball, football or even baseball, numerous colleges were knocking at your door with offers.

I have a friend who was highly intelligent and loved reading and science. She wanted to become a doctor and practice in an underserved community. She did so, but at massive expense to herself. Her student loans will take years to pay off. Granted she was forgiven for a good portion of her loans for serving in an indigent area and she got many scholarships, however the amount of loans she was left to pay off were astronomical.

In the area where she practices, she can barely afford to pay her meager staff and keep her clinic operating at current Medicare reimbursement rates. She lives a very frugal lifestyle and totally dedicated to her work. She is immensely happy doing what she does, where she does it. However, she has bills to pay like everyone else. Her clinic is open seven days a week from 7 a.m. until the last person is seen at night. A few of those sports-generated dollars spent on her education would have certainly made her life easier and I dare say there are multiple thousands in very similar situations.

What a shame that a society places greater value on playing a game than on saving a life, teaching a child or training an individual who may one day be your local sheriff or police chief.

God help us to see the foolishness of our ways and thoughts, to renew our minds to align with Your ways and Your thoughts.

6 Seek the Lord while you can find him.

Call on him now while he is near.

7 Let the wicked change their ways

and banish the very thought of doing wrong.

Let them turn to the Lord that he may have mercy on them.

Yes, turn to our God, for he will forgive generously.

8 “My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts,” says the Lord.

“And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine.

9 For just as the heavens are higher than the earth,

so my ways are higher than your ways

and my thoughts higher than your thoughts.

Isaiah 55: 6-9 (NLT)

Just Give Me What You Have

2011-03-29T04:35:00.000-05:00

As soon as Jesus heard the news, he left in a boat to a remote area to be alone. But the crowds heard where he was headed and followed on foot from many towns. Jesus saw the huge crowd as he stepped from the boat, and he had compassion on them and healed their sick.

That evening the disciples came to him and said, “This is a remote place, and it’s already getting late. Send the crowds away so they can go to the villages and buy food for themselves.”

But Jesus said, “That isn’t necessary—you feed them.”

“But we have only five loaves of bread and two fish!”

they answered.

“Bring them here,” he said. Then he told the people to sit down on the grass. Jesus took the five loaves and two fish, looked up toward heaven, and blessed them. Then, breaking the loaves into pieces, he gave the bread to the disciples, who distributed it to the people. They all ate as much as they wanted, and afterward, the disciples picked up twelve baskets of leftovers. About 5,000 men were fed that day, in addition to all the women and children!

Immediately after this, Jesus insisted that his disciples get back into the boat and cross to the other side of the lake, while he sent the people home. After sending them home, he went up into the hills by himself to pray.

Night fell while he was there alone.

Meanwhile, the disciples were in trouble far away from land, for a strong wind had risen, and they were fighting heavy waves. About three o’clock in the morning Jesus came toward them, walking on the water. When the disciples saw him walking on the water, they were terrified.

In their fear, they cried out, “It’s a ghost!”

But Jesus spoke to them at once. “Don’t be afraid,” he said.

“Take courage. I am here!”

Then Peter called to him, “Lord, if it’s really you,

tell me to come to you, walking on the water.”

“Yes, come,” Jesus said.

So Peter went over the side of the boat and walked on the water toward Jesus. But when he saw the strong wind and the waves, he was terrified and began to sink.

“Save me, Lord!” he shouted.

Jesus immediately reached out and grabbed him. “You have so little faith,” Jesus said.

“Why did you doubt me?”

When they climbed back into the boat, the wind stopped. Then the disciples worshiped him.

“You really are the Son of God!” they exclaimed.

Matthew 14: 13-33 (NLT)

These verses give account of the time immediately after Jesus has heard the news of his cousin John's beheading by Herod. Jesus is understandably grieved and needs time alone to pray. However, the people would not allow that time. Even in his own grief, Jesus had compassion on the people and took time to attend to their needs.

The disciples become concerned when the evening draws near. They want Jesus to dismiss the crowd so that they may go into the surrounding towns and villages and buy food for their evening meal. When Jesus directs the disciples to feed the crowd, they state the obvious in that they don't have enough food to do so.

Jesus calls for the food to be brought to him, blesses it and passes it to the disciples to give to the crowd. The five loaves of bread and two fishes continue to replenish themselves until all are fed to their fill, leaving 12 baskets of left overs.

I wonder how many times in my life I've confronted Jesus with my 'not enoughs'? Not enough money, not enough compassion, not enough time, not enough energy, not enough motivation, not enough........NOT ENOUGH. How often have I used my own pain or burden to excuse myself from service for Him? How often have I worn my pain like a halo, thinking "Well, if they only KNEW what I was going through"?

What an incredibly selfish woman I am! Just as with the crowds gathered here, Jesus has always extended my 'not enough' into more than enough if I but surrender what I have to Him. Just how often does that need to happen before I understand that my little becomes His abundant supply when surrendered to Him?

The disciples stood and witnessed the supply of the Lord meeting the needs of the crowd in more ways than one. They saw the sick healed, the hungry fed, the dead raised, the sinful forgiven. Have I not witnessed just that supply from the Lord in my own life, as well as in the lives of others around me?

You would think by now I would know that all Jesus asks of me is to give Him what I have. However small and insignificant that may be, He can expand it into His abundant supply. There will not only be enough, but more than enough. The abundant supply of the Creator God, the God of MORE, is always more than enough.

From the mountaintop experience of the feeding of the crowd of 5000+, Jesus sends the disciples out in a boat on the lake. He prays and then descends to the lake. It is the middle of the night and a storm has risen on the water. The disciples are now in the middle of the lake, far from the shore, and afraid.

As Jesus approaches on the water, their fear kicks into high gear. They think it is an apparition, a ghost, and say so. Jesus announces himself and calms them. Peter, being the outspoken one he is, immediately speaks up and asks that Jesus call him to the water. Jesus does so and Peter steps out of the boat.

The waves are dashing, the roar of the waters reverberate in Peter's ears. He feels himself begin to sink into the watery depths. He cries out "Lord, save me"! Jesus reaches out to him and lifts him up. Immediately, Jesus reaches out to him! What a picture of what Jesus did for me when I called out to Him for salvation and at every call I've cried out to Him since!

There have been so many times throughout my life when accepting that I belong to the King of Kings has been difficult for me. I felt as if there must be MORE I have to do. It is then the sweet Holy Spirit reaches into the depths of my heart and reminds me of that moment in time when I cried out to Jesus and He reached down to me! He lifted me above the depths of sin in my soul and washed me from the stink it had left on my heart.

When I allow myself to wander off into some sin or the other, I have but to cry out again and again Jesus reaches out and lifts me up. Again, He washes the stink of my poor choices and my sin from my heart and renews my soul. It is then I can cry out with renewed strength and understanding "You really are the Son of God"!!!

What is it the Lord asks of me? Just what I have, that's all; nothing less and nothing more. He wants my fear, my pain, my unforgiving heart, my doubt, my haste, my lack of ability, my abundance of excuses...my ALL.

Afterall...........He gave His ALL for me.

I Believe........

2011-03-27T00:00:00.001-05:00

"That no matter how good a friend is,
they're going to hurt you every once in a while
and you must forgive them for that."

“If you forgive those who sin against you,

your heavenly Father will forgive you.

But if you refuse to forgive others,

your Father will not forgive your sins.

Matthew 6: 14-15 (NLT)

Then Peter came to him and asked,

“Lord, how often should I forgive someone

who sins against me? Seven times?”

“No, not seven times,” Jesus replied,

“but seventy times seven!"

Matthew 18: 21-22 (NLT)

I tell you, you can pray for anything,

and if you believe that you’ve received it,

it will be yours.

But when you are praying,

first forgive anyone you are holding a grudge against,

so that your Father in heaven

will forgive your sins, too.”

Mark 11: 25-26 (NLT)

Since God chose you to be the holy people he loves,

you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy,

kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience.

Make allowance for each other’s faults,

and forgive anyone who offends you.

Remember, the Lord forgave you,

so you must forgive others.

Above all, clothe yourselves with love,

which binds us all together in perfect harmony.

Colossians 3: 12-14 (NLT)

Ramblings..........

2011-03-25T01:13:00.000-05:00

I have to tell you, I love Cracker Barrel! I love their food and their country atmosphere and I love shopping in their store. I rarely go in there without leaving with a package.

Charlotte and I visited there on Thursday on our way home from Nashville. I had the chicken and dumplins with sweet potato casserole (LOVE IT!), southern style green beans and a biscuit. I swear it makes my mouth water just to think of it! The only person I've ever known who could out do them on chicken and dumplins was my Momma. I try so hard to do it like Momma, but it just never quite makes it.

Me, Charlotte and Debra
October 2010
Great Smoky Mtns. National Park
Our Sister Vacation!

As we were entering, we noticed some very cute little spring dresses for a very reasonable price. Charlotte couldn't help but buy one for her 4 year old granddaughter, Allyson. We looked for one to coordinate for the 9 month old, Kayleigh, but didn't find one. We'll have to make another trip for hers. No problem, Charlotte and I like to shop! And, perhaps we'll talk Debra into making that trip with us! Three sisters out to shop.....sounds like a near perfect day to me!

I saw the sweetest picture frame. It had the first verse of "Time In A Bottle" by Jim Croce imprinted over a graphic print of some sort with an area to frame a picture. My heart almost melted when I saw it; that was 'our song'. I can't tell you how many times Terry sang that song to me over the years! I wanted it so badly, but it was more than I felt comfortable paying. I can't stop thinking about it. I just think I may have to buy one the next time I'm in one of their stores. Life just isn't worth it if you can't splurge every once in a while for something that is special to you!

So, that's my ramblings for this late evening. Oh, and I forgot to mention, Charlotte bought Ricky (my NIL) a box of GooGoo clusters, one of his favs, and her boys some vanilla almond coffee (think that one might have been just a bit for her!). I, for once in my life, managed to walk out empty handed. Will wonders never cease?!

Praise the Lord!

Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good!

His faithful love endures forever.

Psalm 106:1 (NLT)

One Flesh...............

2011-03-23T07:17:00.003-05:00

March 23, 1997
Vow Renewal Ceremony
Momma and Daddy's 40th Anniversary

Today marks the 54th anniversary of my parent's wedding. Although Momma has now been with Jesus for almost 5 years, Daddy still feels the need to celebrate this day. I understand that. He has loved Momma for more than half of his life. The fact that she has moved on to be with Jesus didn't stop that love, it only enhanced it. Their love, like that of any couple who are Christians, now lives in eternity.

His heart is a bit heavy today, but still joyful for having known Mommas love. Again, I understand that. So, I'm celebrating with Daddy today. Happy Anniversary Daddy. Momma still loves you with her whole heart, even more perfectly than ever before!

...‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother

and be united to his wife,

and the two will become one flesh’

So they are no longer two, but one flesh.

Therefore what God has joined together,

let no one separate.

Matthew 19: 5-6

I Believe...........

2011-03-20T00:00:00.001-05:00

"That our background and circumstances
may have influenced who we are,
but we are responsible
for who we become."

Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger

by the way you treat them.

Rather, bring them up

with the discipline and instruction

that comes from the Lord.

Ephesians 6:4 (NLT)

Dear friends, you always followed my instructions

when I was with you. And now that I am away,

it is even more important.

Work hard to show the results of your salvation,

obeying God with deep reverence and fear.

For God is working in you,

giving you the desire and the power

to do what pleases him.

Philippians 2:12-13 (NLT)

Roots and Wings.............

2011-03-19T00:00:00.001-05:00

Grandpa and Grandma Howell and their nine children

Elbert & Lula Sisco Howell
Momma (Thelma), Aunt Glenda, Aunt Sandra and Aunt Shirley
Uncle Kenneth, Uncle Bobby, Uncle Cecil, Uncle John, Uncle Donald

When I was growing up, we were very close to both of my extended families. We lived closer to my paternal family, but went home to Grandpa and Grandma Howell's place every Sunday afternoon. Momma had eight siblings so there was always more than a house full of us. Kids running and playing in every direction; adults scattered around the house and spilling over into the yard. Meal time was like a feast.

Grandpa and Grandma were not church going people, at least not that I ever knew. I'm not saying they weren't Christians, only they and the Lord knows that answer. They were hard working people who loved their family. Momma says that she can remember times when Grandpa would work in the fields all day, come in and take a nap in the chair, then get up and go to the factory to work the late shift, never even removing his shoes during the 24 hour period.

I remember them as cheerful, loving grandparents. Grandpa always wanted to play a game of checkers or Rook and Grandma just liked to sit and talk. I regret not having spent more time with them as I grew older. I spent many hours in their home as a child. I remember those times with such fondness and love. I can hear Grandma laughing and see her belly giggling as she did. As children, we thought that was so funny...that her belly giggled everytime she laughed! Grandpa was always pulling pranks on us.

Grandpa and Grandma outlived two of their sons. Uncle Cecil died in 1993 of heart disease and Uncle Donald died in 1996, also of heart disease. Grandma died in 1999. She had Alzheimer's Disease, as well as heart disease. Uncle John and Grandpa died on the same morning, in the same hospital, in rooms next door to each other. Uncle John had visited Grandpa on Sunday afternoon and had sat at his bedside crying and telling us that he and his Daddy would go to meet Jesus on the same day.

On Tuesday morning, about 7 a.m. we received the call that Uncle John had passed. Then, about an hour later, another call came saying that Grandpa had passed as well. Uncle John had heart disease, diabetes and had developed liver disease as a result of the diabetes. Grandpa was 93 and had enjoyed good health all of his life.

Momma went to be with Jesus on April 20, 2006. She joined her parents and three brothers in heaven, as well as her precious baby girl, whom she never got to see while residing here.

My family gave me roots that still run deep and wings to reach out and find my own path in life. Grandpa and Grandma Howell didn't go to church, but they lived honest, sacrificial lives for their family, lives of integrity.

Roots and wings............what more can a family really give you?

A good life gets passed on to the grandchildren;

ill-gotten wealth ends up with good people.

Proverbs 13: 22 (The Message)

Grandchildren are the crown of old men,

And the glory of sons is their fathers.

Proverbs 17:6 (NASB)

A righteous man who walks in his integrity--

How blessed are his sons after him.

Proverbs 20:7 (NASB)

Growth Spurts.........

2011-03-16T13:10:00.000-05:00

Me and Charlotte @ Wal Mart
Growing....putting away the pain
and learning to laugh again.

I seem to have expended my strength today before I even rose from the bed. I suppose it's all the antibiotics and other medications I've taken lately. It is always so strange to me how they can make you feel so bad but be so good for you.

As I was on that train of thought, I began to consider how much that parallels with my relationship with Jesus Christ. Sometimes I feel as though my walk with Jesus certainly is painful even when it is good for me.

When my sisters children were small (especially the boys), they went through a period of various aches and pains which the pediatrician diagnosed as simply 'growing pains'. I'd heard of them all my life, but thought they were just an old wives' tale. Apparently not. The kids all seemed to experience these mysterious pains as they were experiencing growth spurts.

Quite frankly, I think I must be in a spiritual growth spurt. I have been on such a tremendous spiritual 'high' that I was totally unprepared when that high crashed. Suddenly, I felt so dry and empty inside.

I have been writing my personal testimony for another blog. It has been painful at times and has taken all my emotional and spiritual strength to push forward. I'm worn out.

However, I know without doubt that it is the right time in my life to share my experiences with others. I am committed to finish this course and complete the task. Just what God has planned and how He will use my testimony, or me, in the future is unknown to me.

I am persuaded that He will use me. I'm just sitting still right now and waiting. Isn't that the worst part? When He sits us down and just says "Wait"? I've decided to make it easier on myself and just not fret. I've been with the Lord long enough to know that I can't do anything to speed up the process anyway, so why waste energy on it?!

Sooooo, yep, I'm waiting and renewing and sharing whatever the Lord places on my heart. I'm not sure where the road will take me, but I know where it ends. I've been traveling for too long to stop now.

Trials have beset me on that road, but the trials were never greater than the supply of my King. They never will be!

But those who wait upon God get fresh strength.

They spread their wings and soar like eagles,

They run and don't get tired,

they walk and don't lag behind.

Isaiah 40:31 (The Message)

I am warning you ahead of time, dear friends.

Be on guard so that you will not be carried away

by the errors of these wicked people

and lose your own secure footing.

Rather, you must grow in the grace and knowledge

of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

All glory to him, both now and forever. Amen.

2 Peter 3: 17-18 (NLT)

Women of Faith

2011-03-15T00:00:00.001-05:00

June, 1975
My Bridal Shower
(L-R): Daisy (Mammommie) Shearon {my grandmother-in-law}, Me,
and Ilene (Maw) McDonald {my paternal grandmother}

These precious ladies are both in heaven now. They were two of the most important influences on my life. Each was a woman of strong faith and great courage. Having lost their husbands at just about the same time, yet never having met until the day of my Bridal Shower, they produced a strong influence on me and I'm quite sure neither ever knew just how much I loved her.

Maw McDonald loved me from before I was born and always had time for me. The days of my childhood are filled with happy memories of Maw and time spent with her. She loved Terry from the day she was introduced to him and always enjoyed his picking on her. I can still hear them laughing together. He loved her just as dearly as she loved him. She encouraged me and continues to do so even though she has been with the Lord for nearly 16 years.

Mammommie Shearon took me as her own on the very first day Terry introduced me to her. She took up for me and loved me as though I were hers. I was with her just one day prior to her going home to be with Jesus. As weak and sick as she was, her only concern was for me and that Terry and I were doing well. The last words she ever spoke to me were how me she loved me and was thankful the Lord had given Terry me for his wife. She went to be with Jesus only three short years after Terry and I married, but her influence on me was much greater than the few years I was privileged to know her.

Where would I be today without the love and acceptance these precious ladies gave to me? I shudder to think!

Similarly, teach the older women

to live in a way that honors God.

They must not slander others or be heavy drinkers.

Instead, they should teach others what is good.

These older women must train the younger women

to love their husbands and their children,

to live wisely and be pure, to work in their homes,

to do good, and to be submissive to their husbands.

Then they will not bring shame on the word of God.

Titus 2: 3-5 (NLT)

Look at the hands............

2011-03-13T00:00:00.003-06:00

I love nice hands on a female, always have. Unfortunately, I have never had nice hands. Since early childhood, I have had the embarrassing habit of biting my nails. After I grew into a teenager, I determined to stop.

Over the years, I have had varying degrees of success. From time to time, I still have trouble with disciplining myself in that area. Over the past few weeks, I have bitten all but one nail almost into the quick on my left hand and one on the right hand. ~~SIGH~~

My left hand...
please excuse the sore, I ran into the wall!

Tonight as I sat typing, I noticed something I found interesting. On my right hand, only my 'pointing' finger nail is bitten off. The others are of medium length, about the length I prefer. On my left hand, only the 'ring' finger nail has survived the onslaught from my kisser.

My right hand....
so masculine looking, not like a lady's hand at all!

I began to think, how appropriate. My 'pointing' finger was the only messed up finger on my right hand. Perhaps because I've been guilty of pointing out other's faults too often? And, amazingly enough, only my 'ring' finger on my left hand had a nail that looked remotely acceptable. There's an old legend that might just explain that.

In ancient Egypt, brides were instructed to wear their wedding rings on their left 'ring' finger because of the belief that the vein in that finger connected directly to the heart. That vein became known as the vena amoris, even unto this day. The tradition has followed into western Christian cultures and is where most western Christian couples wear their wedding rings today.

Now, I'm not a medical expert and I have no idea if the legend contains one iota of truth. Frankly, I don't want to know and don't care. It's a good story and I'm stickin to it! If you know, don't tell me. It works better for my post if I don't know!

However, as I contemplated that further, I thought how appropriate that the finger connected to my heart would be the one to thrive. After all, my heart is where my source of life dwells, it is the home of my Saviour!

Vena amoris, the formal Latin name of the vein, means "the vein of love". How about that? Love is the thread that holds us all together....husband to wife, parent to child, friend to friend, neighbor to neighbor...Christ to sinner! It is the source of our being, the reason for our existence.

So, I'll go to church tomorrow a little bit less embarrassed by my hands. Instead, I'll look down to be reminded that love is the key, the thread that holds me to Jesus. I'll think of His nail scarred hands. It is His love that reached down to me even before I was born. When I am so unlovable, He never walks away. I could never do anything to deserve His love and that is the beauty of it. It's mine just for the asking. Praise God for His matchless love!

"Look at me. I stand at the door. I knock.

If you hear me call and open the door,

I'll come right in and sit down to supper with you.

Conquerors will sit alongside me at the head table,

just as I, having conquered, took the place of honor at the side of my Father.

That's my gift to the conquerors!"

Revelation 3: 20-21

Too Blessed To Be Depressed!!!!!

2011-03-11T23:28:00.000-06:00

A bit different than my marquee,
but you get the point!

I saw this bold statement posted on a church marquee today and I must say, it stirred within me some thoughts that I pray will not be mis-interpreted or offensive to anyone.

This was my first thought "AMEN! Praise Jesus! Thank you Lord!"; my next thought was that someone who could make that statement had either (a) never suffered from clinical depression, or (b) was suffering from depression and was in denial about it.

I don't want to be offensive to anyone, but I have been a Christian since I was 11 years old and have had major battles with clinical depression. I could never admit that for many, many years in my early life. I had been raised in a church that taught that a Christian who was living for Jesus could not suffer from depression. Through the storms of life, I tried hard to believe that and chided myself often for the feelings I had.

Overwhelming sadness and feelings of extreme isolation....

Overwhelming sadness and feelings of extremem isolation would overtake me for seemingly no reason. Nothing seemed to set if off and nothing seemed to help. I spent a week in the hospital when I was only 16 due to stress headaches. Still, my parents could not see that I needed the medications the doctor prescribed. After a while, the doctor very bluntly told Momma that I needed the medication and that my thoughts were very near suicidal. That scared her enough to allow me to take something, but not what the doctor wanted to give me.

So, I suffered on....through the years of early marriage and the heartbreak of infertility and 3 miscarriages. Through the inevitable hysterectomy that followed within 3 years of the third miscarriage. Through the loss of my precious Maw McDonald, who was so dear to me. Through the loss of my Grandma Howell and three uncles. Through years of battling with my insecurity regarding my salvation. Through years of battling a chronic health condition that was becoming more and more debilitating. And finally, through an auto accident that left my husband flat of his back and hospitalized for five months and in out-patient physical therapy for nine months after being discharged from the hospital.

I finally went in to see my doctor and just burst into tears when he walked in smiling to ask what he could help me with. I blurted out that I did not understand what was happening to me. Terry was doing remarkably well, walking with only minimal assistance when we had been told he most likely would never walk again. He was healing both physically and emotionally from the disappointment of being told he could never work again. Life was better than it had been in many months and yet here I was falling apart!

He was very understanding and began to explain to me that he thought I was suffering from clinical depression. He explained that this often happens when something life changing has happened to an individual, and yes even a Christian! He explained it this way....suppose I gave you a one hundred pound pack and told you to throw it over you back and go out and walk up and down the highway until I tell you to come in.

At the end of a year, I call you in, take the burden from your back and tell you to be on your way. Would you be surprised if your back was in a mess after that? I answered "No". He then asked why I was surprised that my emotions were having a hard time adjusting back to a 'normal' life after all we had been through? For the first time, it made sense to me.

He went on to say that the known causes of depression were: (a) a spiritual condition and (b) a chemical imbalance in your brain caused by stress, (c) an inherited predisposition to depression or many other causes. He went on to tell me he felt sure I was a Christian but still thought it his duty to ask if I were sure I was a Christian and was I walking daily with the Lord? I answered that I was a Christian and did feel that I was doing my best to walk as closely with the Lord as I knew how.

He then turned his attention to the chemical imbalance and told me that stress is a real factor in depression and that it has real consequences with respect to causing the imbalances that lead to depression. He then asked if he could pray with me and proceeded to pray. He asked the Lord for His guidance in prescibing the right medication for me; he asked Him to continue to heal Terry and to help me deal with my depression and understand that it wasn't my fault, that I had done nothing wrong.

He prescribed an anti-depressant and explained that it may take a while to adjust the dosage properly and that we might even have to change to a different drug completely but that we would find the answer. Within several weeks, I had gotten my dosage adjusted properly and was feeling so much better I didn't quite know what to think! I had dealt with depression for years, since my early teens, and never knew I could ever feel good again. I felt as though the weight of the world had been lifted from my shoulders and I could finally be free to laugh again.

Things that make you go "Hmmmm"

So, perhaps we should think more seriously about the things we post on our church marquee. I would hate to think some poor depressed individual would drive by and be driven into deeper depression because the church had told them the fault was in them. After all, isn't that what that sign would say to you if you were deep in a depression? Wouldn't it tell you that you simply needed to count your blessings, not your problems? That's another one of those little euphemisms we use sometime! Hmmmm, perhaps we should think about that one too, huh?!

"I can't stand my life—I hate it!

I'm putting it all out on the table,

all the bitterness of my life—I'm holding back nothing."

Job 10: 1 (The Message)

(So, don't you think Job was a bit depressed?!)

Hope deferred makes the heart sick,

but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.

Proverbs 13: 12 (NIV, 2011)

(A longing fulfilled, or a yearning for peace in your soul,

becomes a tree of life, or a branch to cling to,

when you feel hopeful once again.)

A Stallion on Eagle's Wings

2011-03-10T00:04:00.000-06:00

If you are interested in watching The Waltons re-runs,
they air M-F on the Inspiration Network,
channel 364 on DirecTV.

I watched a re-run of an old Walton's episode recently. It was entitled "The Wild Mustang". Like most of their episodes, at least two stories are told in one episode. This one was no different. This portion of the episode was about a wild Mustang stallion roaming free on Walton's Mountain. The stallion was captured by a towns person and held in a pen for onlookers to see, at a price of course.

The Grandfather, being the naturalist that he is, is furious and demands that Sheriff Epps return the stallion to Walton's Mountain. The Sheriff reluctantly explains that he cannot do this because the stallion isn't owned by the Walton clan and tells the Grandfather that he must possess a Bill of Sale for the animal or the animal must bear a brand that indicates ownership.

The stallion inevitably escapes and returns to the mountain. After hearing this, the Grandfather formulates a plan to catch the stallion and brand him with the Walton brand. So, the Grandfather sets out to fashion a branding iron and puts his plan into action.   The Grandfather, the Father, John Boy, Jason, Ben and Kurt (the son-in-law), head out for the mountain.

While the Grandfather and John Boy construct a holding pen and build a fire to heat the branding iron, the other men manage to capture the stallion. With some fuss, they cajole the stallion into the holding pen and within minutes, the deed is done.  The stallion is now official Walton property and can never legally be removed from the mountain.

As the episode closes, the wild Mustang stallion gallops off into the forest running freely where he pleases. At last, the stallion has true freedom, free from the worry of capture and removal from his home against his will. His freedom comes from the fact that he now has a benefactor who 'owns' him and guarantees his freedom. Anyone who comes upon the stallion will know immediately of his benefactor because of the brand placed on his hind quarters.

I see the parallel of this stallion to my own life. I was free to roam in this world as I pleased. I felt safe within the home of my parents. Then, one day that sense of security, stability and freedom was shattered when my innocence was stolen by a man who refused to respect my boundaries and honor my place in my family.

For many years, I felt confined within the 'pen' of guilt and shame left by this man's sin. I felt as though my life had been stolen from me. The bars of an unforgiving heart held me captive and kept me from returning to my life of freedom. After a lifetime of living within those bars, I finally found forgiveness in my heart for that man. Once I did, it was as though God reminded me that He had placed His brand on my heart long before that individual entered my life. The deeds of another stole the joy of the freedom that experience brought to me.

When I was willing to forgive that person, my life was returned. The joy of that refound freedom is so much more dear to me. I now feel as that stallion must have felt, free to run among the beauty of the life God has given me. Free to enjoy the blessings He has placed in my life and secure in knowing that His brand is on my heart.  I can choose never to allow anyone to steal my life from me again. I can choose never to be confined in the 'pens' of this world again.

Bad experiences may again come into my life, but I can choose to confidently claim my brand and walk freely from the bars those experiences may attempt to place on me. I am bought with a price; my benefactor made my place in His family secure. No one can take that from me and no experience can rob me of the joy of that relationship unless I allow it. I am free to run with the winds of the Holy Spirit buoying me as I go. I can ride on eagle's wings into each new phase of my life with joy unspeakable and full of glory!

For the one who was a slave when called to faith in the Lord

is the Lord’s freed person;

similarly, the one who was free when called

is Christ’s slave.

You were bought at a price;

do not become slaves of human beings.

1 Corinthians 7: 22-23 (NIV, 2011)

Though youths grow weary and tired,

And vigorous young men stumble badly,

Yet those who wait for the LORD
Will gain new strength;

They will mount up with wings like eagles,

They will run and not get tired,

They will walk and not become weary.

Isaiah 40: 30-31 (NASB)

HELP! I'm home and I don't wanna leave........

2011-03-08T16:00:00.000-06:00

A strange condition has overtaken me and I'm not quite sure I know when it happened. These are my current symptoms:

an uncontrollable urge to sink into my comfy chair, kick my feet up and languish
a deep dread of having to leave my house
fighting the urge to lounge around all day in my jammies
waiting until the last possible moment before walking out my door
thinking and planning for hours in order to combine as many tasks as is possible into just one trip out
making a mad dash out of any trip out of the house
running through the aisles at Wal Mart in order to 'hurry up'
making wild and vociferous complaints against anyone who hinders a speedy return to my house
sighing when I pull my car into my drive
dropping clothing as I go in order to return to my jammies

If you are familiar with these symptoms and can shed any light on my condition, please respond with haste. I fear the mad dash must return tomorrow and the angst has already begun.

God guards you from every evil,

he guards your very life.

He guards you when you leave and when you return,

he guards you now, he guards you always.

Psalms 121: 7-8 (The Message)

Forever's As Far As I'll Go.........

2011-03-07T09:12:00.000-06:00

(You must disable my playlist before trying to listen to this song.)

When this song was released by Alabama in 1990, Terry told me it said exactly what his heart felt for me. He was so faithful to the Lord and to me, our love lives on in eternity. He was right, Forever's As Far As I'll Go.

I love you Terry, I miss you so much but I am healing. Happy Birthday in heaven!

And He answered and said,

"Have you not read that He who created them

from the beginning

made them male and female, and said,

'For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother

and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh'?

"So they are no longer two, but one flesh.

What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate."

Matthew 19:4-6 (NASB)

Twenty Years of Love

2011-03-06T00:00:00.086-06:00

Caleb---The last of the GRANDS!!!

Caleb with his brother, Jacob

Twenty years ago today, this young man entered our world. He is the youngest child of my middle sister and the youngest of all of Momma and Daddy's grand babies. Charlotte always said he was the souvenir Ricky brought home from Russia with him! If so, he's the BEST souvenir we've ever gotten!

Caleb with his sister, brothers and cousin, Summer 1992.
Jared, Caleb, Katie, Adam, and Jacob

He has been a joy to our family from Day 1. He possesses a precious heart for the Lord and displays it in his life every day. He is courageous, strong, determined, faithful, devoted and responsible beyond his years. He always has been.

Uncle Caleb and Allyson
She loves her Uncle Caleb!

So, Happy Birthday Caleb; more than you will ever know or understand, you have been a blessing in my life. I will hold you always in my heart. You cannot go far enough, get old enough, say something bad enough, act ugly enough or do anything so horrendous that I will not love you. Caleb, I pray you will always abide by these words. I love you.

How can a young person live a clean life?

By carefully reading the map of your Word.

I'm single-minded in pursuit of you;

don't let me miss the road signs you've posted.

I've banked your promises in the vault of my heart

so I won't sin myself bankrupt.

Psalms 119:9-11

Bounty, Beauty and Blessing............

2011-03-02T04:39:00.000-06:00

Allyson & Kayleigh

These little beauties are my nephew's daughters. Although Allyson has reached the stage of sometimes having a real problem with jealousy, she adores her baby sister. They are precious to me, as are my niece's children.

The Birthday Beauty!

Allyson has been such a big girl since her baby sister was born last summer. This past week, she celebrated her 4th birthday. It's hard to believe she's already four and so grown up!

Smiling Allyson and her Barefoot Baby Sister!

Yep, these little ladies are just two of the little ones that make up the center of my universe. I am so blessed to know their unconditional love and to experience the pure joy that comes when they wrap their little arms around me. I love you Allyson and Kayleigh. Happy Birthday, Sweet Allyson! You light up my life!!!!

Don't you see that children are God's best gift?

the fruit of the womb his generous legacy?

Like a warrior's fistful of arrows

are the children of a vigorous youth.

Oh, how blessed are you parents,

with your quivers full of children!

Your enemies don't stand a chance against you;

you'll sweep them right off your doorstep.

Psalms 127: 3-5 (The Message)

Reflections........

2011-02-27T00:43:00.000-06:00

REFLECTION:

A thought, idea, or opinion formed or a remark made
as a result of meditation;

an effect produced by an influence

Earlier tonight I was reflecting on some of the people in my life who have been so precious to me. I have had an amazing life and have been blessed with so many inspirational people along the way. Some were misguided in their beliefs and teachings about Christianity, but they are still precious to me because I believe with my whole heart they did the best they knew to do at the time.

Before he settled in for the evening, Daddy and I listened to the Gaither Gospel Hour production of a Tribute to Billy Graham. What an amazing man and an amazing life lived for the Lord! As they sang those old songs, I couldn't help but be transported back to my childhood and those Sunday mornings in our little country church. So many precious men and women whom I never told how much they, and the life they lived for Jesus, meant to me. I know I will get the chance to tell them in heaven!

Ray Boltz performed Thank You and I sat with tears running down my face as I remembered my sister, Debra, and my nephew, Adam, singing that song so many times at church during his childhood. In my heart and in my head, I could still hear them and see the look of pure joy as my baby sister stood beside her only child and sang to the Lord.

I watched as tears streamed down his Daddy's face as he watched his wife and his son and listened as they sang. Everyone in our small church knew the struggles their little family had faced since the day of Adam's birth and what God had brought them through. When Debra and Adam sang together, there wasn't a dry eye in the house...we all knew what a precious gift it was.

Between 1989 and 1991, I worked as a social worker and social activities director for a local nursing home. I love elderly people. I love to sit and talk with them, to hear their stories of trials and triumphs. I love to hear them speak of their praises to the God who saved them and who has brought them along these many years of life and who has sustained them in the waning years of their life. It was a perfect job for me.

We gathered in the Day Room each morning for exercise. Then, I would play the piano as they sang the old hymns. Oh my, heaven's glory filled that little room each morning as their aged and wrinkled faces shone once more with the love of their Saviour and the praises for all He had brought them through!

Mr. Cartwright was a man of his late 80's whose wife was also a resident. They had been together for more years than I had lived. They had no children, but had been totally devoted to each other for so many years. She had began to suffer from Alzheimer's and he could no longer care for her, so he moved them both into the nursing home. She no longer knew him or anyone else, not even her own name or whether she was dressed or naked.

They had separate rooms but he would roll himself around to her room every afternoon and sit by her bedside talking with her and reading the Scriptures to her. She paid him no mind, but it didn't stop his afternoon visits. Tears rolled down his face as he continued to be faithful to her and their love. I learned so much about the commitment of loving a spouse from that gentle man and his precious wife.

Mr. Roland was also a man of his late 80's. His wife had gone home to be with Jesus and his children could no longer care for him at home, so he also came to live with us at the nursing home. He, as Mr. Cartwright, was restricted to a wheelchair. He came each morning to exercise and then sing. He had a deep base voice that continued to be clear and deep, even at is advanced age. He always wore a smile and always spoke words of encouragement and gratitude for a long life of bountiful blessings from his Lord.

Mr. Cartwright and Mr. Roland tolerated the exercise so they could do what they really loved to do best...sing. Mr. Cartwright, with his beautiful baritone, and Mr. Roland, with his deep base, would sit side by side and lead the group as I played the piano. How Great Thou Art and In The Garden were Mr. Cartwright's favorites; Leaning On The Everlasting Arms was Mr. Roland's favorite.

As I allow the years to roll back and my mind's eye to look once again on that room full of precious elderly men and women, I hear the voices of these faithful men of God and I am overcome with gratitude for what they meant, and mean, to me. I can hear their voices booming as they allowed their love for their Lord to fill every note!

The King Is Coming....praise God, He's coming for me!!!! Momma used to sing that song with a voice so clear and melodious. I can see her now standing before the kitchen sink, washing dishes or preparing a meal, and I can hear her singing in that harmonious alto voice that is still so familiar to me! What wonderful, precious memories God has given me!

Lord Send Me.....that was Daddy's favorite during my teens and the years of my early marriage. Our little church had a small congregation and we couldn't afford a music director, so we had members who served as song leaders. Daddy filled that position for several years. It became almost a joke that we would sing Lord Send Me at almost every service!

"There is much to do, there's work on ev'ry hand; hark the cry for help comes ringin through the land. Jesus calls for reapers, I must active be; what will thou oh Master? Here am I, send me!" I hear Daddy's voice so clear and see his body so able when I think of those lyrics!

Just A Little Talk With Jesus....a dear deacon from our church had one of those bass voices that was as smooth as butter and as deep as a river! Bro. Stewart was a huge man and so devoted to his Lord! Nothing gave him greater joy than bellowing out a song for his Lord! Even after he was aged and living in the nursing home, he would come to visit us at church on occasion and was always so eager to get up and sing with a group of the younger men.

A couple of his grandsons, one of my uncles and my husband would join him and sing until Bro. Stewart was so winded he required help to make it back to his seat. But, he loved every minute of it and we did too! Just A Little Talk With Jesus was one I remember the most. His favorite was There Is A Fountain....."there is a fountain filled with blood drawn from Immanuel's veins, and sinners plunged beneath that flood lose all their guilty stains..." precious, precious memories.

Oh precious Lord, thank you for the people you have placed in my life. What a joy to have known each one and to have been the recipient of so much love and encouragement as I have grown in my relationship with You. Your love is amazing!

² We always thank God for all of you and continually mention you in our prayers. ³ We remember before our God and Father your work produced by faith, your labor prompted by love, and your endurance inspired by hope in our Lord Jesus Christ.

I Thessalonians 1: 2-3 (NIV)

The Impostor

2011-02-26T01:00:00.000-06:00

Much of my life has been spent living behind a facade ( a false, superficial, or artificial appearance or effect; an IMPOSTOR), a religious facade that made me feel GUILTY, even after I accepted Jesus Christ into my heart.

As surely as these turkeys are attempting to be impostors, I have lived that life.

Have you ever said to yourself "Self, I am sick to my teeth of you!"? (Or, as my little great-niece says "I'm sick through my teeth"!) I have had that distinct experience over the last several hours.

I spent the wee hours of Friday morning re-reading many, if not most, of my old posts while listening to old 70's music over the XM station on TV. It is the music of my youth, the beginning of a lifelong love shared with the man of my dreams. We spent hours listening to that music. It was entwined in every facet of our existence during those years. It now comforts me to hear it again and to remember those years.

Terry never lost his appreciation for that music and continued to listen to it often over the years. I became too holy (more appropriately, too holier than thou) to listen to it. I was so judgemental of him for continuing to enjoy it. My nephew said to me recently that he had such vivid memories of evenings spent at our house while sitting with Uncle Terry and listening to that old music as I condemned Terry from my place at the computer in our spare bedroom, constantly yelling at them to turn it down!

Why in the world did I allow myself to become such a religious zealot that I could no longer see the beauty of that music? How could I have not seen that God has a hand in all things and allows many experiences to become the building blocks of who we are and who we become? It is true that some of the music of that era was not a very healthy spiritual influence, but it was more the people involved in the music and the choices they made rather than the music itself that was the problem.

When Jim Croce sang "Like the pine trees lining the winding road; I've got a name, I've got a name. Like the singin bird and the croakin toad, I've got a name, I've got a name. And I carry it with like my Daddy did; but I'm livin the dream that he kept hid, movin me down the highway, rollin me down the highway, movin ahead so life won't pass me by....", what was wrong with that? I identified with that because I respected and loved my parents so dearly, but my dreams were not their dreams.

Or, when the Eagles sang "Well, I'm runnin down the road tryin to loosen my load, I've got seven women on my mind, four that wanna own me, two that wanna stone me, one says she's a friend of mine....", weren't they sayin what basically every young man was thinkin?

When Chicago sang Saturday In The Park, who could help but sing along? Or what about Don McLean's American Pie and the story of Buddy Holly and the loss of American innocence on "The Day The Music Died"? The Eagle's epic Hotel California, REO's Dream Weaver, Roberta Flack's The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face (one of my personal favorites!) or how about Rod Stewart singing Hot Legs (girls tell me you didn't strut across the parking lot at least once feeling very proud of yourself while that one played!)....I can still hear the chords in my head as the music began and you felt the thrill of knowing what was coming next.

I recently heard Joyce Meyer say that she could sit in her garage all day, but she would no more be a car at the end of the day than at the beginning. We can wear our 'religious' facade every where we go, we can sit on the church pew until the wood conforms to the shape of our posterior, we can be baptised (as one old preacher once said) until the fish know us by name, but none of those things make us a Christian. When will we learn that Christianity is about a RELATIONSHIP, not a RELIGION?

I was raised in a very legalistic environment with regard to spiritual matters. Christianity was more about what we couldn't, shouldn't or wouldn't do than what we could, should or would do. Somewhere in their understanding of Scriptures, many of those in my childhood had somehow missed the point that the Law was given to show us how short we fall of being what God created us to be and how the only solution to the rift between God and man created in the Garden by Adam and Eve was the perfect blood sacrifice of His Sinless Son, Jesus Christ.

It has taken me my entire life to learn the difference between GUILT and CONVICTION. When I mess up, the Holy Spirit speaks to my heart through CONVICTION...

: the act of convincing a person of error or of compelling the admission of a truth; the state of being convinced of error or compelled to admit the truth

: a strong persuasion or belief; the state of being convinced.

The SYNONYMS of conviction are assurance, assuredness, certainty, certitude, confidence, doubtlessness, positiveness, satisfaction, sureness, or surety. It's ANTONYMS are doubt, incertitude, nonconfidence, and uncertainty.

CONVICTION is a positive experience because it is my Creator's attempt to help me see my wrong doing and restore my relationship with Him. GUILT is a feeling of self reproach that causes shame. SHAME is associated with humiliation, disgrace and/or disrepute. God does not deal with us in that manner. He deals with us out of a heart of love and a desire for our best interest.

Should we be ashamed when we separate ourselves from God through sin? Yes. Should we feel humiliated when we bring disgrace on our God because of our actions? Yes. Are our reputations often harmed when we walk wilfully into sin? Yes. However, the God who created us reaches out to us with love and forgiveness when we sin.

When the religious leaders brought the woman caught in the act of adultery to Jesus, He promptly instructed the man without sin to cast the first stone. Having sin in their own hearts, each man knew he could not and walked away. Jesus then reached out to the woman, asking her to point out her accusers. Looking around, she saw none and said Lord, I have none. Jesus answered "Neither do I condemn you, go and sin no more".

The Sinless Son of the Living God did not speak to her with condemnation, judgement, accusations, dismay or harshness. He lifted her to her feet and sent her on her way with love and forgiveness. I love it when he does that!

"Forgiven"

"Neither do I condemn you".....when you enjoy listening to the music that brought joy to your youth, when you get a bit envious of someones talent in church, when you wear a pair of jeans to church, when you skip your Bible reading for a day or so, when you have that fleeting thought of anger against that idiot who cut you off in traffic, when you mutter that slang word under your breath....the list is endless and so is His love and forgiveness if only we turn to Him in repentance!

So, I've been sick of myself and I'm quite sure the Lord has been sick of me at times as well. However, He didn't turn his back on me; He just kept loving me. "Neither do I condemn you"...........I love it when He does that!

When Jesus had raised Himself up and saw no one but the woman, He said to her, “Woman, where are those accusers of yours? Has no one condemned you?”

She said, “No one, Lord.”

And Jesus said to her, “Neither do I condemn you; go and sin no more.”

St. John 8: 10-11 (KJV)

Wow! Must Have Surely Been From God!

2011-02-24T21:23:00.000-06:00

This link shows how 'time appropriate' God is! It seems our President has now instructed the Attorney General no longer to use the resources of the Justice Dept. to defend the Marriage Defense Act. God help us.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/us_gay_marriage_analysis

Context

2011-02-24T05:44:00.000-06:00

I have been thinking a lot lately about how society seems to have seized upon the idea that whatever we decide is 'normal' is indeed normal and a suitable and acceptable lifestyle. Biblical marriage is, and has been for many years, under constant attack from the Deceiver and his minions.

The decade of the sixties introduced 'free love' to our vocabulary, as though love had been bought with a price prior to that. Suddenly, it was free and there for the taking. Just where do you suppose that idea originated?

As a matter of fact, the idea that our bodies are purchased with a price is Scriptural in origin. The last nine verses of the sixth chapter of 1 Corinthians deals with this very subject.

12 All things are lawful for me, but not all things are profitable. All things are lawful for me, but I will not be mastered by anything.
13 Food is for the stomach and the stomach is for food, but God will do away with both of them Yet the body is not for immorality, but for the Lord, and the Lord is for the body.
14 Now God has not only raised the Lord, but will also raise us up through His power.
15 Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ? Shall I then take away the members of Christ and make them members of a prostitute? May it never be!
16 Or do you not know that the one who joins himself to a prostitute is one body with her? For He says, "THE TWO SHALL BECOME ONE FLESH."
17 But the one who joins himself to the Lord is one spirit with Him.
18 Flee immorality. Every other sin that a man commits is outside the body, but the immoral man sins against his own body.
19 Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and that you are not your own?
20 For you have been bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body.

How about that? It turns out that we are indeed purchased with a price. The Amplified Bible expresses verses 19 and 20 thusly:

19 Do you not know that your body is the temple (the very sanctuary) of the Holy Spirit Who lives within you, Whom you have received [as a Gift] from God? You are not your own,
20 You were bought with a price [purchased with a preciousness and paid for, made His own]. So then, honor God and bring glory to Him in your body.

I like this translation because it makes it so crystal clear that not even the most educated liberal can misunderstand the meaning! Paul clearly states to the Corinthian church in verse 19 that the body is the sanctuary of the Holy Spirit who lives within. The Mirriam-Webster online dictionary defines a sanctuary as a consecrated place, a place of refuge or protection. So, when we become a Christian, our physical body becomes the consecrated residence of the Holy Spirit and is to be His refuge and protected place of abode here on earth.

Verse 20 continues to say that same body was "bought with a price" or purchased with a preciousness and paid for. Wow! Purchased with a preciousness and paid for. The transaction was completed. A precious price was paid for the Christian body, the sanctuary of the Holy Spirit of God.

St. John 19: 30 says

³⁰Therefore when Jesus had received the sour wine, He said, "It is finished!" And He bowed His head and gave up His spirit.

The transaction was completed and Jesus Christ, the King of Glory, gave up His spirit; that same Spirit He had told the Disciples about that would become our Comforter in St. John 16: 7.

Those who would have us believe we can pervert the God-ordained use of our body and do as we please without repercussions is lying and too many are buying into the lie and paying a heafty price for their deception. We have been told marriage is outdated, we can just co-habitate and enjoy the benefits without the commitment. We're so shallow and eager to satisfy our flesh that we swallow any lie the Deceiver feeds us.

The pretty girl in the office or the nice looking man who works in the corner office are fair game if they show interest. And, if they don't show interest, well then perhaps we should just encourage them a bit. We pay no heed to the fact that he's married and has children or that she is single and completely unavailable outside the boundaries of marriage. We have become so perverted in our desires to satisfy our flesh that we have even decided individuals of the same sex are appropriate partners for our 'enjoyment'.

That, however, is not what God has to say about this subject. Romans 1: 18-32 expresses it thusly in the New American Standard translation:

18 For the wrath of God is revealed from heaven against all ungodliness and unrighteousness of men who suppress the truth in unrighteousness,
19 because that which is known about God is evident within them; for God made it evident to them.
20 For since the creation of the world His invisible attributes, His eternal power and divine nature, have been clearly seen, being understood through what has been made, so that they are without excuse.
21 For even though they knew God, they did not honor Him as God or give thanks, but they became futile in their speculations, and their foolish heart was darkened.
22 Professing to be wise, they became fools,
23 and exchanged the glory of the incorruptible God for an image in the form of corruptible man and of birds and four-footed animals and crawling creatures.
24 Therefore God gave them over in the lusts of their hearts to impurity, so that their bodies would be dishonored among them.
25 For they exchanged the truth of God for a lie, and worshiped and served the creature rather than the Creator, who is blessed forever. Amen.
26 For this reason God gave them over to degrading passions; for their women exchanged the natural function for that which is unnatural,
27 and in the same way also the men abandoned the natural function of the woman and burned in their desire toward one another, men with men committing indecent acts and receiving in their own persons the due penalty of their error.
28 And just as they did not see fit to acknowledge God any longer, God gave them over to a depraved mind, to do those things which are not proper,
29 being filled with all unrighteousness, wickedness, greed, evil; full of envy, murder, strife, deceit, malice; they are gossips,
30 slanderers, haters of God, insolent, arrogant, boastful, inventors of evil, disobedient to parents,
31 without understanding, untrustworthy, unloving, unmerciful;
32 and although they know the ordinance of God, that those who practice such things are worthy of death, they not only do the same, but also give hearty approval to those who practice them.

Do not these verses describe society today? God revealed to Paul, and to other Biblical writers, exactly what would happen when man willfully walked away from His ways and perverted His ordained purpose for His creation. Yet, in the midst of so much perversion and sinfulness, there remains a remedy. In Isiah 1:17-19, God reaches out to sinful man and offers that remedy.

17 Learn to do good;
Seek justice,
Reprove the ruthless,
Defend the orphan,
Plead for the widow.
18 "Come now, and let us reason together,"
Says the LORD,
"Though your sins are as scarlet,
They will be as white as snow;
Though they are red like crimson,
They will be like wool.
19 "If you consent and obey,
You will eat the best of the land;

Jesus Christ completed the transaction on the Cross of Calvary. Nothing more needs to be done other than for the individual to accept the sacrifice, ask for forgiveness and turn from his sin to the sinless Saviour. Though your sins are as scarlet, they will be as white as snow; though they are red like crimson, they will be like wool. However, note the qualifying closing verse....IF you consent and obey, you will eat the best of the land. IF.....perhaps the biggest little word ever written, spoken or translated. Man must meet God's requirements in order to experience His peace and presence.

We often ask "What in the world is happening to our world today" or "What in the world is going on". The answer is simple, man has forsaken the God of the universe to go whoring after fleshly pleasures. We have perverted the use of the body and have defiled the God-designed sanctuary of His Holy Spirit. Things will not get better until we confess our sin and turn back to His way.

I John 1: 8-10 gives us instruction:

8 If we say that we have no sin, we are deceiving ourselves and the truth is not in us.
9 If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
10 If we say that we have not sinned, we make Him a liar and His word is not in us.

May God help us to turn from our wickedness and return to our Creator.

I Digress..........

2011-02-23T07:01:00.000-06:00

"The refining pot is for silver and the furnace for gold, but the LORD tests hearts."

Proverbs 17:3 (NASB)

I am supposed to be writing about the characteristics of God right now. However, it's just not what is in my heart this morning and if I have learned anything over these years of walking with Jesus, it is that I must follow what the Lord places on my heart. There is always a reason he put it there and always a reason for me to share it. Therefore, I digress.........

I took a drive into the local small town late yesterday afternoon. The weather here has been so nice of late. It has folks out into their yards and preparing for spring. Many were raking leaves and/or burning leaves. I have always hated this time of year. I don't like fire, haven't since I was a young person and arrived at my Maw McDonald's house on the school bus to find the rear of her house on fire. It was a tramatic event as those left on the bus piled off to try to fight the fire.

We lived in a very rural area and there was no fire department for many miles. Her only hope was that the kids on the bus could fight the fire and get it out. She didn't have an outdoor hydrant so the only way to get water to the fire was to hold a garden hose up to the kitchen sink faucet and run it out and around the house to the fire. The smoke was thick in the kitchen, but someone had to stay there to hold the hose. I was the someone appointed to do that job.

As others grabbed furniture and began emptying the house of Maw's possesions or helped fight the fire, I stood there holding the hose, coughing and becoming more and more light headed as the smoke thickened and breathing became more and more difficult. Finally, the fire was extinguished and the smoke began to clear. I was hot and soaked with my own sweat and the spewing water from the faucet. I was short of breath and black with the smoke residue.

Since that day, I have hated fire. Terry always wanted to rake and burn the leaves and burn off other areas around the yard every year about this time. I simply would not participate and wouldn't even be home when he did it. He finally gave up the practice completely because it caused me such angst.

As I drove yesterday, I remembered how I felt while standing in Maw's kitchen holding that hose and breathing all that smoke and feeling the heat of the flames only several feet from me. I was so uncomfortable, afraid and frantic. That's how I often feel when God is applying the refining fires of trials and testing to my life. How many times have I walked on through the flames of the refining fire with those emotions running wild within me? Too many to remember at one sitting.

Frantic for the trial to pass, afraid of what the outcome will be, feeling pressed to get on with it, as though the heat of some spiritual flame is licking at my mind. At times, almost in a panic with fear for how I should proceed or simply paralyzed by that same fear into just standing still and refusing to make a decision to move in any direction. Hearing the din of noise around me as people go on with the activities of their own lives while I feel as though my life is in limbo. Wondering when, or if, I will ever feel safe again.

Yes, those feelings are all too familiar to me. I'll bet you've experienced them as well, huh? Isn't it strange how we can profess such love and devotion for God while our little life is running so smoothly, yet at the first sign of a bump in our road, we panic and start to think of desertion? That's what I was thinking back in my Maw's kitchen. I was there and standing my ground, but every thought in my mind was directed at how I could escape my perdicament. My body was present, but my heart and mind surely were not.

Too many times in my walk with Jesus I have been in the same place spiritually. My body was there, but my heart and my mind surely were not. With every breath, I was contemplating how I might escape my perdicament. The harder I struggled against my confinement, the longer the struggle continued.

I argue with God....but God, this is NOT how it's supposed to be! I bargain with God....but God, I'll do this, this and this if you'll just do this! I beg God...but God, please; I've done my best to live right, to do right, to think right; please, please, please can't you just do this one thing for me?! When all else fails, I give God orders....ok God, I've just had enough of this now; I KNOW your word, you say this, this and this and I've done that, that, and that and NOW you're going to do this for me!

How arrogant can one become?! To think I have the right to pass out orders to the God of the Universe; to tell the God who created me what I am going to have and what He is going to do for me! My goodness, I'm surprised sometimes that God hasn't just struck me with a lightning bolt and ended my little tantrums! What a disrespectful and assuming child I am!

We are often told that we see God with relation to how we see our earthly father. Well, I can tell you one thing for sure, if I had acted with my earthly father the way I sometimes act with God, as Momma used to say, my pants wouldn't hold corn shucks! Daddy would have worn both me and my britches out! Yet, here is my Heavenly Father who looks down on me and knows me for who I am becoming, not who I am. He loves me for my childish efforts to love him and honors my effort.

So, he allows me my tantrums, lets me 'get it off my chest'; then, he fills my unthankful, unholy heart with so much love and forgiveness that I am consumed with sorrow for the way I have reacted. I am remorseful for my response to his effort to reach out to me with an opportunity to grow in his love and practice grace. Then, I understand that his refining fire is not a source of something to be feared, but the source of his outstretched arms of love to grow to be more like my Father. To slough off the debris of legalism, judgemental attitudes, envy, jealousy, anger, disdain, haughtiness, unfaithfulness...all the things which I allow to seep into my heart and become an obstruction to the flow of his love through me to those around me.

Then, he allows me to repent. What a love my Father has for me! No recriminations, no shaking his finger in my face, no yelling or accusing, just open arms that reach out to me with love and forgiveness. Arms eager to enfold me and draw me to himself, to encourage me and remind to walk away from myself and further into him.

There, in the safety of his arms, I know I have grown and he is pleased with me. He whispers his love to my heart, his spirit gently carresses my spirit and I know the next test will come. I also know I will struggle. But more than anything else, I know he will love through it and, at the end, he will once again wrap his arms around me and I will have grown more into him.

"Therefore my beloved brethren....be diligent to be found by Him in peace, spotless and blameless, and regard the patience of our Lord as salvation; .....but grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ...."

2 Peter 3: 14, 15, 18 (NASB)

A Trinity of One

2011-02-03T01:15:00.000-06:00

For the LORD God is a sun and shield; the LORD bestows favor and honor;

no good thing does he withhold from those whose walk is blameless.

Psalm 84:11

In my previous post, I invited you to come along with me as I introduce you to Jesus Christ, the sinless Savior. In order to properly understand who Jesus is, you must understand who God is. You may have heard God referred to as "the triune God" or "the God-head". You may have also heard the term 'trinity' in reference to God. Although the term trinity is not found in the Bible, the concept is clear in Scripture. There are three separate and distinct persons of God. They operate individually and each has an individual purpose in eternity. However, each is uniquely and divinely God.

In Genesis 1:26 we find the following: "Then God said, "Let Us make man in Our image, according to Our likeness..." So, humans were created by God as a triune individual...mind, body and spirit. We are one person with three parts; each part is necessary in order for us to function in the capacity for which we were created. The Gospel of Matthew names the persons of the triune Godhead: “Go ye therefore, and teach all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost:” (Matthew 28:19). In these Scripture references, we see God the Father (the mind of God), Jesus Christ as God the Son (the embodiment of God) and the Holy Spirit or Holy Ghost as God the Holy Spirit (the spirit of God), to whom Jesus referred as the Comforter.

So, just who is God the Father? Genesis 1:1 introduces us to Elohim, a reference to God's power and might. He was there before creation and will remain after all things temporal are past, from everlasting to everlasting. (Psalms 90:2) In Revelation 1:8, He is the Alpha and the Omega, the beginning and the ending, the One who was, who is and and who is to come, or the Almighty (Gen. 17:1).

Other names of God include eternal God and dwelling place (Deut. 33:27); a God who sees (Gen. 16:13); our guide (Ps. 48:14); the Redeemer of Israel or the Holy One of Israel (Is. 49:7), I AM (Ex. 3:14); a jealous God (Ex. 34:14); our judge, lawgiver, king and savior (Is. 33:22). For a more indepth look at the many names of God, please visit this link: http://www.smilegodlovesyou.org/names.html .

If we accept God the Father as the God head and we understand his numerous names, then we are compelled to learn more about his character if we are to trust him. I will go into the characteristics of God in my next post. I urge you to take your own Bible and run the Scripture references.

If you have questions or comments, please feel free to leave them in the "Comments" section. If you feel you can and want to add anything to what I am saying, please leave those comments as well. Should I choose to use your suggestions, you will be given credit in the post for which they are used. I look forward to our next 'meeting' and sharing and learning more about our awesome God!