PRESSING FORWARD

12 Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. 13 Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, 14 I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.
                                                               Philippians 3:12-14 NIV

I have discovered that "letting go and letting God" is a very difficult task indeed.  My house has sold; my divorce will be final in early May.  Moving forward, that's what people say I am doing.

As much as I know that is the place I should be, I find myself wanting not only to look back but to go back.  Back to the time when Terry was here, Momma and Daddy were here and our family was held together by their glue.  Now, there is a great void where once my life was filled with love, laughter, and deep, abiding joy.

It seemed that all had escaped me when this marriage fell apart and my health began a slow, but steady decline.  Lately, that joy seems to be returning to me.  What a wonderful feeling to feel alive and joyful again!

God has reminded me in various ways and through various people that he still has a work for me.  I'm not done yet and He isn't done with me yet.  Let me tell you, when you have felt shelved for so long, that is a wondrous thing to KNOW!

I haven't forgotten those I love so dearly, but I am letting them go in a way I had not until now.  As verse 14 says, it is time for me "press on" in order to "win the prize" that God called me into.

I do pray this blog can become joyful again.  I want to touch people's lives and make an impact on people for Jesus.  That has been my goal since I accepted Jesus at the age of eleven.  I have let that calling fall down the list while I sat and whimpered "Oh Lord, why me? Why must I endure all of this"?  What arrogance!

Easter is coming quickly and it has reminded me that nothing I can lose is greater than Jesus Christs' sacrifice for me.  Dear Lord, please forgive me for being so defeated.  I have no excuse, I ask only that you help me rise above it and PRESS FORWARD.  In Jesus' name, AMEN.

MercyMe - I Can Only Imagine (Official Music Video)

I CAN ONLY IMAGINE

Heaven.....exactly what do I know about heaven??????

As I come closer to the day I enter heaven, that question is more pressing each day.  I have lived basically my entire life "churched".  Some of my earliest memories revolve around going to church with my family.  I honestly do not remember a time when we were NOT in church.

I have heard about heaven, I have studied heaven, I have prayed about heaven....basically anything that I could do to learn more, I did.  Yet, I find myself these days questioning some of that.

I think it's somewhat like a journey as a child.  You are told about the journey, you are busy with the preparations, pictures are shared of others who have been there, yet you still cannot IMAGINE what it is really like to BE there.

I asked Jesus into my heart when I was eleven years old.  I remember the experience as though it were yesterday, not 50 years ago.  I remember the praying and weeping, I remember the joy of knowing, KNOWING, that I was going to heaven when I stood up in that old country church altar.  I couldn't explain the knowing at that time, but I KNEW.

Over the years, I questioned that many, many times.  I questioned whether a child could really understand that decision?  I questioned whether my heart was sincere when I did it?  Questions, questions questions.....Yet, when all was said and done, I KNEW, I KNEW, I KNEW!  No one could convince me I was wrong, no one but myself.

That seems to be Satan's M.O.  He works in our thoughts to try to make us doubt all we know about God, about salvation, about heaven.  Yet, time and time again, I come back to that time spent in fervent prayer with tears, asking Jesus to forgive my sins and wash me clean.  To help me be more like Him and less like me.

After all, isn't that the truth of salvation and of our promise of heaven?  It has little to with ME and everything to do with HIM.  He said if I believe with my heart and confess with my mouth then He will give me eternal life.

I get so upset with myself for going back to him time after time and asking him to reassure me.  Yet, he always does, with love and tenderness.  He holds me and fills my soul with that wonderful "knowing" that only walking with Him can give you.  

So, what do I know about heaven?  I know He is there.  I know my sins are forgiven, to be remembered no more. I know His promises are true and dependable.  Life is fleeting, people can fail you but He never will.  JESUS NEVER FAILS.

I am so thankful I know that.  So thankful my heart is at home with Him and my spirit rests in His reassurance of joining Him when this life is through.

 "Do not let your hearts be troubled. You believe in God; believe also in me.  My Father's house has many rooms; if that were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you?  And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am.  You know the way to the place where I am going." 

                                                                             St. John 14: 1-4 NIV

"If you declare with your mouth, "Jesus is Lord," and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.  For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you profess your faith and are saved."

                                                                           Romans 10: 9-10 NIV