Love Is A Choice

Since Valentine's Day is upon us, I thought it appropriate to write about love. Unfortunately, in today's culture we somehow think romance and sexual intimacy are love.  Certainly relationships between men and women who are married involve both, but neither are love; rather both should occur as products of love.

Societal norms say it is acceptable for anyone, at any time to involve themselves in relationships where these emotions are present and where they are equated to love. 

We have bought into this myth that love is uncontrollable, that it's something that just happens to us; it's not something we control. In fact, even the language we use implies the uncontrollability of love. We say, "I fell in love," as if love is some kind of a ditch. It's like I'm walking along one day and bam!—I fell in love. I couldn't help myself. 

The problem with that kind of thinking is this, if one can so easily 'fall into' love does it not stand to reason that one could also 'fall out of' love? 

This explains why divorce and abandonment run rampant in our society.  Love is no longer a sacred commitment but a convient excuse for giving up when the really hard things happen that require dedication to work through in a relationship.  We often hear couple say "I just fell out of love with...." as an explanation for divorce.

I have to tell you the truth: that's not love. Love doesn't just happen to you. Love is a choice and it represents a commitment.  You choose to love and you choose not to love.

There's no doubt about it, attraction is uncontrollable and arousal is uncontrollable. But attraction and arousal are not love. They can lead to love, but they are not love. Love is a choice.  We cannot control whom we are attracted to, or possibly by whom we are aroused.  We can, however, exert control over how we respond to attraction and arousal.

Dictionary.com defines love as:  

A deep and enduring emotional regard, usually for another person. Love may apply to various kinds of regard: the charity of the Creator, reverent adoration toward God or toward a person, the relation of parent and child, the regard of friends for each other, romantic feelings for another person, etc.

Even today's dictionary uses the words 'romantic feelings' when defining love. This provides witness to what the secular element of our society understands to be love. In deep contrast to this, we can look in the Bible to see what God has to say about love.

I Corinthians 13 is often referred to as the 'Love Chapter' of the Bible.  From that chapter we find the description of love in verses 4 - 7:

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Do patience, kindness, protection, trust, hope, perseverance, the abscense of envy, boastfulness, pride, rudness, selfishness, anger and unforgivness sound like characteristics one can 'fall into' to you?  They certainly do not to me!  However, these are all the characteristics Paul listed as those belonging to love.

These are characteristics one must cultivate on a daily, moment-by-moment basis.  Therefore, it requires commitment in order to foster and build them into our lives.  In that we have the true meaning of love...the daily, moment-by-moment commitment to practice characteristics which do not come naturally to us, but which require work to display toward others and sometimes toward God as well.

Deuteronomy 30 tells of God speaking to the Israelites as they stood at the Jordan River, preparing to cross into Canaan.  He sets before them the blessings He has in store for them if they love Him and obey Him.  He also sets before them the curses disobedience will bring.  Then, He gives them a choice as seen in verses 19 and 20a: 

This day I call heaven and earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live and that you may love the LORD your God, listen to his voice, and hold fast to him...

So, we see clearly that love is a choice even in relation to God.  God does not force us to love Him; He offers us the truth about our choices and then leaves us free to choose.  He reminds us that our choices have consequences and that loving Him will require commitment.

If our love relationship with God is a choice that requires commitment, why do we think our relationships with one another should or will be any different?  Many times in our lives we will love people not because we want to, but because we choose to. 

Romantic relationships are no different; marriage is no different.  I was married to Terry for over 33 years.  I woke up every day choosing to love him and keep my commitments to him.  On some of those days, I didn't like him very much, but I kept the commitments I had made to him....I loved him.

There have been some difficult periods in my life when I haven't liked God very much, but I keep the commitments I made to Him on the day He I asked Him to come into my heart and forgive me...I love Him.

Love is a choice that requires commitment and produces contentment and joy in our innermost being.  Whether practiced between an individual and God or between individuals, love is the only choice that can bring true happiness to our lives.

Open Hands...............

To get something you never had, you have to do something you never did. When God takes something from your grasp, He's not punishing you, but merely opening your hands to receive something better.

Hello my friends. I have been absent for a very long time. If you are still here, I thank you from the bottom of my heart.

As most, if not all, of you are aware, it has now been just over one year since my husband went home to be with Jesus. Although I am thankful every day that his suffering is over and he is now at rest with the Lord, the grieving process has been extremely difficult for me.

Since October 10, 2009, I have been living with my middle sister, Charlotte, and my BIL, Ricky. They were kind and generous enough to take me in when the doctors told me I should not be living alone until I could do better emotionally and physically.

With the help of my wonderful family, some very precious friends and the mercy of Almighty God, I am now much improved. So many people have prayed, and continue to pray, so many prayers for me. I am forever grateful to you for praying for me when I was unable to pray for myself.

Life is now feeling good again and I will be moving back into the house I shared with Terry for 26 years. I know things will never be same there without him, but it is where we built our life together and where our memories are. I need those memories now and look forward to getting back there.

We had moved from our home to my MIL's home in August, 2006 in order for me to take care of her. As my husband became more and more ill, we were unable to move back home before he went to be with Jesus. I have been torn between wanting to stay at my MIL's house, because that is where Terry died, or move back to our home. I now know for certain going back to our home is the right thing to do.

It has been a long and difficult journey. I am still praying and asking the Lord to help me with finding my place in His Kingdom. For so many years, Terry and I served together. I now have to find my place as a single woman of God. I make no assumptions and am open to the direction of the Holy Spirit as I search.

The first paragraph of this post I received in an email recently. It reminded me that when God closes a door, he opens a window. It will never be the same because Terry will no longer be at my side. However, his memory lives on in my heart and in my memory and the Lord continues to walk by my side and to carry me when I need Him to do so.

I am indeed doing something I have never done. I am anxious to see the doors of opportunity the Lord will open for me as He leads me into the area of service He will have me in. I am eager to serve Him and grow in His knowledge and the understanding of His Word.

So many doors are now open to me that were previously closed due to the fact that I had to be with Terry. I want to make sure I don't step off into my own will when choosing which path to take. Therefore, I will proceed slowly but steadily as I depend on Him to guide my steps.

I place my trust in Him and know that the will of God will never lead me where the Grace of God will not keep and protect me. The future now looks bright to me. Yes, there will continue to be sad times and even sad days, but in my sadness I can turn to Him and know that He understands and is there with me. When He left us, His Word tells us He left us with peace and a Friend to guide us. Praise God for that

As I comtemplate the peace of the Lord and His presence in my daily life, I am reminded of the passage from St. John 14 where Jesus tells His disciples about the coming of that Friend, the Holy Spirit. How blessed we are that Jesus knew we would need that Friend and provided for us.

Peace and a Friend to comfort me....what else could I possibly need in my hour of despair?!


"Because a loveless world," said Jesus, "is a sightless world. If anyone loves me, he will carefully keep my word and my Father will love him—we'll move right into the neighborhood! Not loving me means not keeping my words. The message you are hearing isn't mine. It's the message of the Father who sent me.

"I'm telling you these things while I'm still living with you. The Friend, the Holy Spirit whom the Father will send at my request, will make everything plain to you. He will remind you of all the things I have told you. I'm leaving you well and whole. That's my parting gift to you. Peace. I don't leave you the way you're used to being left—feeling abandoned, bereft. So don't be upset. Don't be distraught.

St. John 14: 23-27

(The Message)

HANG IN THERE!

Have you ever felt like the little frog? Just holdin on with all your might and you know on false move will be the end? All your resources are used up; you no longer have the will to struggle. Your grip is weaker by the second. Soon and very soon it will all be over and you'll plunge to the bottomless pit.

Maybe that pit is depression, perhaps it's the final descent into your addiction....drugs, alcohol, sex, violence, anger, food.....the list is endless. You're on the precipice, a teeter away from sure annihilation.



Then, suddenly and without explanation, that fall into the pit becomes one big leap of faith. Without reason, you realize that you are no longer falling uncontrollably, but bounding from one unsteady resting place to a place of rest and stability. You feel your heart soar at the realization that you have a landing place, a rock to plant your feet upon. How did that happen? Where did that come from?!

Your sense of relief is palpable. You see the world through new eyes, you hear with opened ears, you feel a renewed strength coursing through your weak body. Your spirit soars! You're well aware that there will be another time of desperation, but for now, for this time, the needs have been met.....you have been rescued!



Now the full scope of the miracle you are living begins to open in your mind and in your heart. Yet again, our Heavenly Father has reached down and cradled you in His loving arms and has rescued you from the pits of yourself and your sin. He has raised you up and made you to sit in heavenly places with Him, just as the Scriptures teach! How awesome is that?! That the King of Glory would take the time and energy to see your despair and love you so much that He would stop everything just to be there for you?! This is the God I serve.

There's a lot of talk these days about who God is and what God does and what God thinks and where God is at. I am thankful I have been taught about the ONE TRUE GOD.....the great I AM. I am even more thankful that this great CREATOR GOD reached down to touch my heart at a very early age and I accepted His Son, JESUS CHRIST, as my personal Savior.

Yes, I have eternal peace with my Savior and here's the best part.....eternity doesn't start the day I die, it started the day I began to live and asked JESUS into my heart! I pray you know this same JESUS. If not, I'd like the opportunity to tell you about Him.

HIDDEN BLESSINGS

This is my brother-in-love, Dwade. He is married to my youngest living sister, Debra. Dwade has had quite a journey during the last several months. In the summer of 2008, he discovered he had some mild coronary blockages and an aneurysm in his left main coronary artery. It was nothing to be greatly concerned about, just to be observed as time passed. He was started on a regimen of medication and told to keep all doctor's appointments so that he could be closely monitored over time.

He continued to have chest pain and other symptoms, even though the doctors insisted his problems should not be causing him pain. He was referred to a gastroenterologist for testing and found to have H-pylori infection in his stomach. He was given a regimen of antibiotic therapy and the infection cleared. However, the pain continued.

Finally, he had an episode that convinced his cardiologist that it was time for another catheterization. He underwent that procedure on November 18 of this year. Surprisingly, doctors found the aneurysm to have more than doubled in size over the last year. It was imminent that he undergo surgery to repair the aneurysm before it ruptured and he bled to death. The surgery was scheduled for November 24.

When the surgeons opened his chest they found the aneurysm to be located in a position that would be impossible to repair surgically. There would have been no way to prevent him bleeding out during surgery. They decided to proceed with two bypass grafts in order to reduce pressure in the artery by increasing blood flow through his heart. Other means would have to be found to deal with the aneurysm.

In Canada and some European countries, cardiologists are using a metal stent in the repair of aneurysms to prevent the invasive and risky surgical procedures. The stent, however, has not yet received FDA approval in the U.S. It was decided Dwade's best option would be to seek FDA approval and a waiver to use this stent in him. It would be introduced into the artery during a catheterization procedure just as the cage stents used to open blocked arteries.

Today, the doctors told him they had the approval and would be doing the procedure early next week, possibly even on Monday, and he could go home on Tuesday. He is weak and very sore and is suffering a lot of pain due to the bypass surgery. Surgical recovery has been steady, but difficult for him. Yet, in the midst of all that, one has to stop to realize what a blessing his whole ordeal has been.

Consider this.....the surgeon told us this type aneurysm occurs about once every 30 years. Most people never know they have it before it ruptures. It is fatal 100% of the time. Dwade will be one of only a few people in the U.S. who have this stent. Had he never had chest pain, he would never have sought medical attention. Had the pain not continued and even worsened, he would never have kept pushing his cardiologist to find out what the root of the problem was.

His blockages were not major and should not have caused pain, much less severe pain. Aneurysms have never been known to cause pain unless they are located in an area where the swelling blood vessel or artery puts pressure on other body parts. Had he not had surgery, the doctors would never have discovered just how rare his aneurysm is. Were medical professionals in other countries not moving ahead with research, the stent would not be available to repair the aneurysm.

When I stop to consider every step that brought him to where he is now, I am amazed yet again at God's goodness and His guidance in our lives even when we least expect it. The Scriptures teach us that "His thoughts are not our thoughts, neither are His ways our ways". I am so thankful they are not! I am thankful I serve a living God who loves me and cares for me even when I don't know I need it or Him. I am thankful He is ever aware of the needs of my body, mind and spirit.

Again, the Scriptures teach us that "He knows the very number of the hairs on our head" and that "we are fearfully and wonderfully made". Thank you, my Creator God, for loving us and meeting our needs even before we are aware of them!

Know ye that the LORD he is God: it is he that hath made us, and not we ourselves; we are his people, and the sheep of his pasture. Enter into his gates with thanksgiving, and into his courts with praise: be thankful unto him, and bless his name. For the LORD is good; his mercy is everlasting; and his truth endureth to all generations.

Psalms 100:3-5 (KJV)

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!!!

May your stuffing be tasty
May your turkey be plump,
May your potatoes and gravy
Have never a lump.

May your yams be delicious
And your pies take the prize,
And may your Thanksgiving dinner
Stay off your thighs!


HAPPY THANKSGIVING!