Pray, Please!

The Hospice nurse came to visit today and left just a short while ago. After examining Terry, she feels the time is near. She says his body is shutting down quickly. I am beside myself. I don't want Terry to suffer; I want his home going to be peaceful. I have to be ready to let him go, and some part of me is because I know it is the right thing to do. It's that other part that's tearing my soul apart right now!

We have his hospital bed, but I haven't been able to get him to go and get in it. He is now too weak to get out of his chair without complete assistance. Carol, our nurse, is going to call the local First Responders tomorrow morning and have them come and lift him out of the chair and move him into his bed. She says she doesn't want him to be in the chair when the Lord comes for him because it could be while I'm sleeping and it would be hard to deal with him if he were in that position for a period after he passes.

I know from experiences with other family members that moves of this sort can hasten a person's passing. I want him to be in his bed and comfortable, but I am so afraid of the consequences of moving him. However, I know it is the right thing to do for him. If that is the time the Lord has set for his crossing, then it will be; and if not, then he will be comfortable in his bed when the time does come.

This is so much harder than I could have ever imagined. I feel as though I cannot catch my own breath, yet I keep breathing. My mind is in a thousand different directions, yet I can still concentrate and think about the things I need to do. How can that be? How can I possibly be able to keep moving and doing when my life is unraveling a stitch at a time? Is this what it is supposed to feel like? Cause I just feel numb, like I'm making the motions out of some predetermined plan but nothing feels real. Nothin,g that is, except the pain that won't let go of my chest and the coldness that has settled into my innermost being.

Please pray for us. Pray for Terry's crossing to be pain free and peaceful, if that is the Lord's will for him and please ask God to let that be His will. Pray for me to have the strength to let him go and to be able to move forward. That prospect scares me totally to death at this point.