The Journey Continues

First of all, let me apologize for not posting an update on Friday evening. We had company and in addition to that, Terry was very agitated and I didn't really have time to post.

Our hospice aid came yesterday and we gave Terry a good bath and changed his bed linens. It was agitating to him, but once we got him settled, he seemed to rest so much better. Also, the technician came and installed the DirecTV in the bedroom and I turned the T.V. on for him. Of course, he couldn't watch it but he enjoys having it on in the room with him.

Melanie stayed for at least 2 1/2 hours and just really spent every minute taking care of Terry. She is such a treasure, as are all the Hospice people. Carol, the nurse, and Debbie, the Social Worker, both called and talked to me for quite some time. The three of the ladies seem to agree that Terry has deteriorated much faster than originally anticipated. When Melanie left, she hugged me and told me she would see me next week, IF I still needed her. Carol is in agreement with that.

We had visitors in the evening and he was restless, but not necessarily agitated. Later in the evening, the restlessness progressed into agitation and I had to give him another dose of the Lorazepam, as well as the Haldol. I am also giving him Atripine drops to help dry up the secretions in his mouth and throat. He is having trouble swallowing these now and they are trying to choke him. His lungs are also beginning to fill with fluid and you can hear the 'rattle' I have heard older people speak of so many times.

He moans and mumbles almost constantly, talking to the unseen person again. He laughs and reaches out as though he is performing some sort of task. He keeps looking over his right shoulder toward the southeaster corner of the bedroom as though he is seeing someone in the corner. I have been told all of these behaviors are typical of a dying person and nothing to be concerned about.

I didn't get a lot of sleep because the one word I can still understand is "Di". If I go away from his bedside for too long, he calls out "DI" so I will come back to the bedside. So, I know he's still cognitive to some degree down in there somewhere. The fluid in his lungs is causing him a lot of irritation now and I pray that doesn't last for too long. It is so difficult to watch and listen to.

He tried several times during the night to climb out of the bed. Thankfully, I was able to calm him down relatively easily and get him settled in again rather quickly. I know he's fighting dying because he doesn't want to leave me. I have talked to him and told him not to worry because the Lord was going to watch over me. That everything would be fine and he should just take Jesus' hand and go with Him when He comes for him. That we all love him and we don't want him to suffer anymore.

Ms. Gladys called in the evening and she was understandably upset. She couldn't talk for long because she heard him coughing and strangling and it upset her too badly to talk further. I feel so bad for her! I wish there was something I could do for her to make this all easier for her, but there isn't anything. Please pray for her, this is just so hard for her.

I have been in a really good place mentally, emotionally and spiritually for the past 24 hours. I get teary and feel sad from time to time, but overall I am doing really well. The Lord has just shrouded me with a peace that is just too sweet to describe! I have no illusions that this is going to be easy, but I am dealing with it well at the moment.

It is dawning now and he seems to be settling down quite a lot. That is also something the Hospice people told me and that is that dying people seem to be more restless during the night than the day. He continues to mumble, but it is definitely more quiet than it was three hours earlier!!!

I hope to be able to update you all more often today, but I cannot promise anything. It all depends on how it goes with Terry. Please continue to pray that he will have as little pain as is possible and be as clear minded as possible. Thank you all so much for all of your prayers and support. You are a great group of family and friends and I love each of you so dearly.