Four Years...............

Terry, August 2008

The following was copied from a post I made on January 10, 2009. For a few years we had known my husband was terminal due to NASH cirrhosis. His liver was failing and growing continually worse. This portion of that post deals with the events of January 6, 2009; what I describe as the beginning of the end. Within 16 days of my post and 20 days of this event, Terry would move to reside in his heavenly home. 



"The day for the second appointment arrived, January 6, 2009. He was even more bloated than ever and almost completely unable to take even a shallow breath. Of course, he was unable to keep his appointment. So, I called 911 and ordered an ambulance. They took him to the ER. He was assessed and they immediately wanted to take him to radiology to remove some of the fluid from his abdomen. They removed well over 2 gallons of fluid and then took him to his room on the surgical recovery floor.

We spent the night and were discharged late the next afternoon. We were referred to Hospice Home Care. Terry's liver no longer functions at all. Whatever lies ahead is simply the time it takes for his body to stop functioning now. It seems the final chapter of the Roller Coaster ride has now begun."

I had started writing on my blog in November, 2008 as a way to express myself during those 'dying days'.  As I look back, I realize that it was God's open door for a way to deal with my grief, but also a way for me to connect with others who understood what I was going through.

As time has passed, many have told me I should write, perhaps a book.  I have resisted that because I keep telling myself that I can't do it; I don't have the proper education for such an endeavor.  People have continued to insist I should write.

So, I was recently put in contact with WestBow Press, a sort of clearing house for those hoping to get their manuscripts published by Thomas Nelson Publishers.  I don't know where this road will lead, or how this venture will turn out, but I am now convinced that writing my manuscript must come to be.  I don't know what God's plan is in all of this, but I know he has a plan and my only desire is to be obedient.

So, I press onward and will begin to write this book in earnest.  Should it turn out to be in God's plan for me to be published, Thomas Nelson would be a wonderful organization to be affiliated with.  We'll see how and where it goes.

Whether anything ever comes of the book or not, I am thankful for my blog.  I have often neglected it, yet have found it to be a source of reassurance when I have something in my heart that needs to be said.  Whether anyone else reads the blog or not, I will have received from my experience manifold blessings that encourage me as I make this journey.

One of the greatest blessings has been a group of Christian women from around the world who come together under the umbrella of the Sisterhood of the Traveling Scarf.  Through my blog, I was introduced to these women and was soon afterwards asked to join their Sisterhood.  These women have been one of life's greatest blessings for me.

It's been four years.  The years have not been easy and moving forward has had many steps in the wrong direction.  However, with the Holy Spirit guiding me and with my family and friends praying for me, I know I am progressing even on those days when it feels as if I am moving backwards. 

Four years........in the beginning I could not imagine actually living a year without Terry.  The truth is, I haven't lived one day without him since the first time I met him.  He has lived in my heart and has owned my affections. 

I never dreamed four years ago that this simple little blog would open my life in so many directions and bring people into my life that have helped me to grow beyond what I ever imagined possible.  All things considered, it has a been a good four years; I look forward to what the Lord holds in store for me over the next four years.

He leads the humble in doing right,
teaching them his way.
The Lord leads with unfailing love

and faithfulness all who keep his covenant

and obey his demands.

Psalm 25:9-10   (NLT)