Thursday, June 4, 2015

Yearning..........A Different Perspective

Yearning……….an expectant looking for, longing……I guess we’re all familiar with that.  Oftentimes, I find myself yearning for different things.  I long to see family members than I haven’t seen for a while, either because they’ve gone home to be with the Lord or because they live far away.

I am pretty much a content person when it comes to ‘things’.  I’m not the type to want things, never have been.  It has always been more about people I love that I can’t see often enough. 

Lately I have had this deep yearning within.  Yearning for a place I have not seen before, for a home I know little about, for a land not yet clear in my mind.  I haven’t yearned in this way for this place.  Yearning for this home has always come when things were so very bad. 

Now, I yearn for that home and I’m so very content to be just where I am.  Yet, this unsettled yearning lurks within me.  Loneliness for that home, that land that my mind cannot imagine.   I am happy with my life.  I love this man God has given me with my whole heart.  He is a gift at a time in life that I certainly did not expect.  How I could want or need anything else is a mystery to me!

Yet, this longing in my soul remains constant; perhaps even growing at times.  “You, God, are my God, earnestly I seek you; I thirst for you, my whole being longs for you, in a dry and parched land where there is no water.  I have seen you in the sanctuary and beheld your power and your glory.  Because your love is better than life, my lips will glorify you.  I will praise you as long as I live, and in your name I will lift up my hands.”  Psalms 63: 1-4 (NIV)

I grope as in the darkness for something I can’t quite hold on to.  I stumble through the days feeling empty yet so full of praise my lips cannot contain it.  How does this happen?  I have felt the longings for heaven many times in the past….times when my heart was broken or my life seemed to be spinning out of control. Yet, here I am with the deep and hungry yearning for heaven when everything in my life is so good and so full.

“By faith Abraham, when called to go to a place he would later receive as his inheritance, obeyed and went, even though he did not know where he was going.  By faith he made his home in the promised land like a stranger in a foreign country; he lived in tents, as did Isaac and Jacob, who were heirs with him of the same promise.  For he was looking forward to the city with foundations, whose architect and builder is God.”  Hebrews 11: 8-10 (NIV)

So Abraham understood what I feel right now.  He had that same longing in his soul, a longing he most likely would have never recognized as God had God not set upon him and told him His plan.  That’s exactly what this feels like…..God has set upon me and told me His plan.  My life is so full and my heart is even more open to the Lord than ever.

I feel as though I have finally reached spiritual adulthood!  Oh my, it has taken me surely long enough to get here!!!  The Lord must be dancing all over heaven to see that I have finally learned something about Him and about serving Him!

I don’t have children but I have watched those who do and I’ve seen the joy written on their faces when they feel their child has finally “gotten it”.  It’s as though all those years of teaching and guiding has finally yielded a harvest and they can now sit back and see the beauty of that harvest working in their child.

That must be how Jesus feels about me today.  Years invested in gentle nudges, loving embraces and, at times, the rod of correction for ways in which I’ve walked far from Him.  Now, at last, I feel as though He looks down on me and smiles.  I am his daughter, the progeny of so much sacrifice on His part.  What a joy it must be for Him to finally behold what He planted blooming in my spirit!

Peace and contentment are prizes of untold value and to be cherished as a reward of walking with the Lord.  “Peacemakers who sow in peace reap a harvest of righteousness.”  James 3:18 (NIV)   I am so very thankful I have learned to walk in peace and to allow contentment to rule in my heart and mind.  I’m not perfect just forgiven; but this feels pretty close to being exactly where I have hoped to be for my entire Christian journey!


Monday, January 26, 2015

All Things New....New Understanding

Six years ago today, my first husband went to meet the Lord.  He had suffered and death was a welcome relief, both for him and for me.  The grieving was so painful and lasted much longer than I anticipated.

There finally came a time when the Lord prompted me to let all that go and move forward.  After a battle of my own making, I did as the Lord asked of me.  The reward for that was my second marriage.
I am now married to a wonderful man who loves me deeply and takes such good care of me.  He is there for me no matter what I or we are going through.  He cherishes me and our marriage.  He is such a precious gift from God for my obedience.

I recently remembered a conversation with my first husband as he approached his last days.  For whatever reason, I had not previously been able to remember this conversation.  God gives what we need when we need and when we are ready to receive it.

I remember him saying to me one evening "Di, don't be alone.  Find someone to love you and take care of you.  Someone to be there with you and for you as you grow older".  At the time, I couldn't imagine doing that, but here I am and so very happy.

I spend a lot of time lately wishing for my youth and complaining about my aches and pains and all the things I no longer can do or which take so much more effort and time to do.  The Lord recently spoke to me and told me to find the blessings in being this age, because they are multitude.

Frankly, I didn't see it.  However, as I began to think about my life and my age, I saw more and more what the Lord was saying to me and found it to be true.  It is true, I don't have that young body and I can't hold out to do the things I once could.  Things that once took little to no effort now take tremendous effort and much more time.

I had a very active and full life with many dreams yet to be realized.  I had plans for my future and accomplishments yet to make.  Life was, for the most part, fun and exciting and full of adventure.
As I took a long and thoughtful look at my current life, I found that, yes, I haven't got the energy of my youth.  I don't have the dreams and accomplishments to realize.  My life is much slower but still very full.  Adventure now is getting out of bed without falling into the wall!

However, I have things now I could not have dreamed of then.  I am more content just to be who I am, flaws and all.  I have accepted myself for who God made me to be.  I no longer find it important to impress anyone.  My days are slower but still full of the people I love and who love me.

I don't have the energy of my youth but I have enough to get things done that I need to get done and sometimes, a little extra.  It isn't done as quickly as I'd like but it gets done.

My health is definitely not as good as when I was younger, but God has worked actual miracles in my life and has extended my years beyond what I had thought they would be.  Instead of caring for children and then grandchildren, I have been a caregiver for a dying Momma and Daddy, a dying grandmother, two aged mothers-in-love, a dying first husband and have cared for my current husband  through the recovery from a major heart attack.  So, I have definitely been a caregiver.  THAT was my greatest care for others.  I had hoped and prayed it would be children but God had different plans.

So, God forgive me of complaining and whining.  You have given me so much more than I have ever asked for and blessed me in ways I never dreamed of.  Thank you for showing me these years of my life can be just as productive as the younger years and just as fulfilling...perhaps even more so.

"Then the one sitting on the throne said:
I am making everything new.
Write down what I have said.
My words are true and can be trusted."

Revelation 21:5 (CEV)

(Please forgive the absence of pictures and the misplacement of paragraphs.  Blogger isn't cooperating and I have decided to post without them.  I won't be defeated by Blogger!)