I have discovered that "letting go and letting God" is a very difficult task indeed. My house has sold; my divorce will be final in early May. Moving forward, that's what people say I am doing.
As much as I know that is the place I should be, I find myself wanting not only to look back but to go back. Back to the time when Terry was here, Momma and Daddy were here and our family was held together by their glue. Now, there is a great void where once my life was filled with love, laughter, joy and deep, abiding joy.
It seemed that all had escaped me when this marriage fell apart and my health began a slow, but steady decline. Lately, that joy seems to be returning to me. What a wonderful feeling to feel alive and joyful again!
God has reminded me in various ways and through various people that he still has a work for me. I'm not done yet and He isn't done with me yet. Let me tell you, when you have felt shelved for so long, that is a wondrous thing to KNOW!
I haven't forgotten those I love so dearly, but I am letting them go in a way I had not until now. As verse 14 says, it is time for me "press on" in order to "win the prize" that God called me into.
I do pray this blog can become joyful again. I want to touch people's lives and make an impact on people for Jesus. That has been my goad since I accepted Jesus at the age of eleven. I have let that calling fall down the list while I sat and whimpered "Oh Lord, why me? Why must I endure all of this"? What arrogance!
Easter is coming quickly and it has reminded me that nothing I can lose is greater than Jesus Christs' sacrifice for me. Dear Lord, please forgive for being so defeated. I have no excuse, I ask only that you help me rise above it and PRESS FORWARD. In Jesus' name, AMEN.