I have been so absent for the past several days! Daddy hasn't been well and so has required more of my time and attention. Also, I have been working on a couple of projects for our church. This gives me such great pleasure! For so long, I was so consumed with taking care of my late husband that I simply did not have energy or time to devote to the church. I have loved Jesus and tried to serve Him for most of my life, but I could not feel as though He wanted me to neglect Terry in order to take on jobs in the church.
Also, quite honestly, we had been involved in a really bad experience in our former church and I simply didn't have a desire to become involved again. My life was just too difficult already without adding the drama of dealing with carnal Christians who cared more about how things looked than winning people to the Lord. So, the joy of again being involved in a loving church and serving Him with people who have hearts driven by their love for Him and for His creatures is such a sweet experience to me now.
So, the projects are off the ground and I can get back to my blog and to each of you! Nothing earth shaking has been on my heart, just the joy of living and serving a loving and gracious God who teaches me more every day about who He is and helps me find who I am in Him. That has been a struggle to me since becoming a widow. Since I was 15, I was one half of 'us'; suddenly becoming only 'me' has been a trial. However, as always, God is faithful and has guided me along this path into a greater understanding of what He has in store for me and where He wants me to go from here.
I am so much more thankful for that direction than I will ever be able to express with words. There were times when in desperation I cried out to God that I felt so completely alone and useless. He never left me there; He always lifted me lovingly and carried me until I was again ready to walk, even if most gingerly, with Him. The journey has been a halting one, but one that has drawn me in to a place with the Lord I'm quite sure I would never have known had I not walked this path.
Don't you love how God does that? Your life can feel like it's flying apart at the seams and will never be good again. But God...........God steps in and reminds you of His love for you and of the numerous times in your past He has carried you through trials before. Your faith is strengthened for a few more steps in your present trial and so you walk forward. I'm so thankful He has kept me walking forward instead of turning back. I never want to turn back, to be unfit for my Lord and His service.
When I come to the end of my earthly existence, I want my life to be a continuous journey forward for the Lord. I want my legacy to be one of service to God, to others and for His glory. In the words of an old gospel song.............I've come too far to look back.
James 1: 12