Friday, November 21, 2008

Wanna Talk?

My thoughts are in a thousand different directions, not yet ready to settle in one place, on one subject. That's a rough place to be when you need to write. No direction takes precedence and no thought seems higher than the other. A jumble of nothingness rambles in your head. There's not a lot to say about nothingness. Or, perhaps there is.

Some friends and I were just discussing earlier in the day how our lives seem so busy. We ruminated about how it seems that men, well our men anyway, have an easier time of just doing nothing than do most women. Why is that do you suppose? I mean, my dear husband can sit in the rocker on the front porch for hours doing nothing, saying nothing. Just sitting there, staring out across the lawn. Other ladies commented that their men could do the same. Just sit alone in a room in a chair and do nothing, think of nothing. How do they do that?

What is it about being a female that makes us need to have our minds occupied with something? I once went deer hunting with my husband. Bless his heart, he was young and in love and just wanted to share his passion with me. He didn't know any better! We set off for the woods behind my parents house on our little farm. It was a lovely, brisk afternoon and I was all bundled up and looking forward to this walk in the woods with my honey. How exciting! A chance to commune with nature and be alone with my sweetie at the same time. What could be better, right? Well, I was in for an education, but so was he.

We walked into the woods, he carring his trusty rifle over his shoulder and me carrying........well, me. I was having a great time! After walking for a few feet into the woods, I decided it was much too quiet. We needed conversation. So, I asked a question. I don't remember what the question was, just something about hunting deer, I'm sure. As soon as sound came out of my lips, he shot this stare at me that told me in no uncertain terms, I had done something terribly wrong. Well, I didn't know and I needed to know, so I asked another question. He walked on, not saying a word. Now, tell me, when you speak to someone, don't you expect a response? So, I walked on and caught up with him and asked yet another question.

For the next several minutes, we walked through the woods, me asking questions, he not answering or saying a word. Now I'm beginning to think he just has no social skills, that's all. Maybe his Momma didn't teach him the finer points of socializing, such as when you are asked a question, the proper response is to either answer the question or simply respond by telling the individual that you prefer not to answer the question. Okay, so he's a bit socially inept, I can correct that! So, I stop dead in my tracks and I decided to get his attention the only way I know. I take his hand and move closer to him, I stand upon my tippy toes and pull my face closer to his. I breathe shallowly and look deeply into his eyes. He lowers he head to mine, thinking I'm going to kiss him. I pull closer to him and......stick my tongue in his ear!

Okay, so I've got his attention now! He jerks away from me and says with a sort of exasperated grunt "Why'd you do that"?! I giggled and laughed and made some silly remark and he was suddenly angry with me! I was fully taken aback. We did these silly things with each other all the time, why was he so upset now? I told him I was sorry and promised not to do it again. He walked on and so I followed. Just down the path, I tried a new venture. I commented on how quiet the woods were and how lovely. NOTHING, I mean not a peep from him! We walk on. I say something to the effect of when do we start hunting the deer. He stops and looks at me and says "That's what we're trying to do right now if you would please just be quiet"!

Well, I didn't know what to say. Oops, think that might have been the problem all along! I said "So, this is deer hunting? I thought we had to like climb a tree or something like that? I haven't even seen a deer." He looked at me and said "No, and you're not going to see one as long as you're making so much noise." I looked at him and I know I must have looked like an idiot but I said innocently "So, you mean we can't talk to each other"? He just looked at me and shook his head. He finally said "No punkin, we can't talk to each other". Well, I didn't know what I was supposed to do then if I couldn't talk? What's the point of walking in the woods together if you can't talk to each other? Made no sense to me then, makes no sense to me now.

Well, we walked back out of the woods, he a bit frustrated because I talked so much. I was more than a little aggravated because he had led me on this wild goose chase and then wouldn't even talk to me! We walked on to the house and peeled off some of our clothes and went in. We sat in silence for a while and then I just couldn't take anymore. I told him I didn't like deer hunting and I didn't want to go anymore. He told me not to worry, I wouldn't get invited again! I asked him why he wanted me to go with him if we couldn't talk to each other. He said because he wanted me to share his love for deer hunting. Hummmmm. He said we could share the experience and it would help us grow together. Hummmm. He said nothing cleared his head and made him think better than a long afternoon of deer hunting. Hummmmm.

By this time, all I'm thinking is "Why"? I just couldn't hold it in any longer. I told him I didn't understand the whole concept of trapsing off to the woods together, walking along together all afternoon, never saying a word to each other, and then thinking that was going to help us grow together. How? I told him I had to be able to talk to someone if I was gonna share time with them. That's how I get close to someone, I talk to them. We share with each other. He says no, that's not how men do it. They walk through the woods together, split up and go their own way to hunt, meet up after the hunt and they've now become closer. HUH?

Well, needless to say, we didn't go hunting again, ever. But, I think we both learned something that day. He learned that I HAVE to talk in order to exist and I learned that everything my Momma had always said about men was absolutely true!!!! They can be wonderful friends, lovers, providers, protectors, and a whole host of other things; but if you ever need to talk, find a girlfriend!

Well, this is where my rambling brain ended at today. Who know where it'll take me tomorrow!!! Isn't it wonderful the way the Lord made us so different as males and females, but so complimentary? The parts of me that are lacking are completed by him and the parts of him that need help are completed by me. Apart we lack something, but together we are a complete whole, perfectly fit together by a Creator who planned it just that way. When I need something more than just chatter, he will talk to me and comfort or reassure me. When he needs someone to listen, I can be quiet and hold him close, reassuring him of my love and devotion only to him. Thank you dear Heavenly Father, for making us fit together in a way that will honor You and edify us.


The Raggedy Girl said...

Deer hunting. No talking. You are right. Bonding does not happen. What a great story. I too am married to a quiet man and conversely my hubby is married to a chatterbox. Opposites attract.

snowflakes said...

Same for Brian and I, about the opposite thing. I talk, talk, talk, he doesn't, Doesn't, DOESN'T! On another note, I like hearing stories about you guys like this :)

Square Root of Family said...

This is a great story! I hadn't read it before, but went looking for it when I saw your comment! So funny--I could picture the whole event in my mind!

I'm not much of a hunter myself--I'd have probably approached it a lot like you did!