Friday, November 23, 2012

55 --- Caressed In Love

Baby Di

Yesterday, I joined the 55 Club....yes, I am now 55 years young.  For some reason, I expected 55 to feel different than this.  Then again, I'm not quite sure what I expected it to feel like?  I told my sister that I didn't feel 55, that my mind still feels 16.  She said "I don't know, I think my mind has caught up with my body"!

I know I must be the oddest individual on earth, but when I walked outside yesterday morning and saw the fog laying deep and thick over the pastures and forests; it gave my heart a lift.  You see, strange!

I like thunderstorms.... I like lightning storms.... I like gloomy, rainy days, and I like deep, heavy fog...too fruity for a salad, I’m tellin’ ya!


When I saw the fog, I couldn’t help but think that the Lord was laying just that deep and heavy in my spirit….heavy, not in a bad way, but heavy in a comforting, holding-me-close, caressing me kind of way.
I still feel 16 when I listen to 70s music and think about those early years with my then boyfriend.  I can hear the 8-track blasting Lynard Skynard, soothing me with Jim Croce or waxing nostalgic with John Denver.  I can hear the roaring of his car engine as we drove down those country lanes.  I hear the sound of his voice "singing" (quotation marks are for emphasis since he couldn't actually "sing") those songs as he drove and drummed the steering wheel or the dashboard.  I hear the sound of our laughter and our easy banter as we came to know each other and then as we found ourselves falling in love.

August, 1974

Those are beautiful memories.  Suddenly, I'm no longer the girl of 16 but the young woman in my 30s and the music has changed, but the boyfriend has now been my husband for about 15 years.  He still "sings" to me, we even dance around the living room every now and again.  We laugh, we cry, we dream....we're still falling in love.

 More beautiful memories.  Now, I've moved forward to the middle-aged woman of my 40s.  Our lives have changed so much; he suffers chronic pain and the laughter is often dimmed by the endless pain.  His eyes still laugh, he smiles, he "sings" but we no longer dance.  We sit together, thankful to still have the privilege to do so.  We talk about the dreams that didn't come true and the dreams we've exchanged them for.  We're still falling in love.

June, 1995
Our 20th Anniversary Party

Precious memories.  From the middle-aged woman of my 40s I now see in my mind's eye the woman of 51.  He is dying.  There's not much time left....exactly 65 days from my 51st birthday, he crosses the river and rests in eternity.  I sit beside his bed and hold his hand in mine.  I caress his face and kiss him one last time.  There are no more dreams, only memories of how we lived them.  From the day we met when I was 15-1/2 until the day he crossed over, we were falling in love.

March 8, 2008

It's now 4 years since that birthday, the last birthday I shared with him.  The memories are bittersweet but the realities are more precious than any dream could ever be.  The love we built now lives in eternity.....and I go on.  From the moment I met him, I knew I would love him forever.  I was right.  From my 16th birthday until my 51st birthday, he shared each one with me.  He held me in his arms, squeezed me to him, kissed the top of my head and said "I love you punkin', more every birthday".  We were falling in love.

Earlier this is what it is!

Yep, watching that fog laying in over the hollows felt like the Lord was wrapping me in His arms and holding me close because He knows how much I needed to feel that on my birthday.  I will never get over how much God loves me!  How He goes to great lengths just to give me little moments of pure joy.  Now you tell me, why would anyone want to turn away a God like that?

For I assisted the poor in their need
and the orphans who required help.
I helped those without hope,
and they blessed me.
And I caused the widows’ hearts
to sing for joy.
Everything I did was honest.
Righteousness covered me like a robe,
and I wore justice like a turban.
Job 29:12-14  (NLT)



Linda said...

Dear Diane,
Happy Birthday for yesterday! I pray you had a wonderful day!
What an inspiration you are and your beautiful post brought tears to my eyes!Thank you for sharing.
I am thankful for you!God bless you always. Love you.

FlowerLady said...

Happy Belated Birthday Diane.

I am sorry for the loss of your husband, but like you said, your love is eternal and you will be united again one day.

I am so glad that you felt the love of God surrounding you on your birthday.


David C Brown said...

His compassions fail not; they are new every morning!

Marsha @Spots and Wrinkles said...

Sometimes it is hard to know which is harder to face, memories of yesteryear, or hopes for tomorrow.

Hoping you rest well this evening, and enjoy a heartwarming day tomorrow.
Blessings to you - Marsha