Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Pray, Please!

The Hospice nurse came to visit today and left just a short while ago. After examining Terry, she feels the time is near. She says his body is shutting down quickly. I am beside myself. I don't want Terry to suffer; I want his home going to be peaceful. I have to be ready to let him go, and some part of me is because I know it is the right thing to do. It's that other part that's tearing my soul apart right now!

We have his hospital bed, but I haven't been able to get him to go and get in it. He is now too weak to get out of his chair without complete assistance. Carol, our nurse, is going to call the local First Responders tomorrow morning and have them come and lift him out of the chair and move him into his bed. She says she doesn't want him to be in the chair when the Lord comes for him because it could be while I'm sleeping and it would be hard to deal with him if he were in that position for a period after he passes.

I know from experiences with other family members that moves of this sort can hasten a person's passing. I want him to be in his bed and comfortable, but I am so afraid of the consequences of moving him. However, I know it is the right thing to do for him. If that is the time the Lord has set for his crossing, then it will be; and if not, then he will be comfortable in his bed when the time does come.

This is so much harder than I could have ever imagined. I feel as though I cannot catch my own breath, yet I keep breathing. My mind is in a thousand different directions, yet I can still concentrate and think about the things I need to do. How can that be? How can I possibly be able to keep moving and doing when my life is unraveling a stitch at a time? Is this what it is supposed to feel like? Cause I just feel numb, like I'm making the motions out of some predetermined plan but nothing feels real. Nothin,g that is, except the pain that won't let go of my chest and the coldness that has settled into my innermost being.

Please pray for us. Pray for Terry's crossing to be pain free and peaceful, if that is the Lord's will for him and please ask God to let that be His will. Pray for me to have the strength to let him go and to be able to move forward. That prospect scares me totally to death at this point.


Raggedy Girl said...

I am so sorry and yes you feel numb and you just put one foot in front of the other. There is not a right or wrong way to feel. I am praying for you both.
Roberta Anne

Amy Hyder said...

I will certainly keep you and Terry in my thoughts and prayers.

MichelleFry said...

you are a woman :) that's what gives you super abilities in crisis mode. I am so sorry for the agony you are swimming through right now. I wish I could take away your pain and his as well. When all else fails just call on God, he is with you both already. For me, I found some peace in knowing that when my mother died she would be in peace, you could just feel Jesus around you when her soul and spirit went to be with our Lord. God bless you both and I pray the weight on your heart will be lifted through prayer and the support of loved ones. You are going to make it through this and when all is said and done you will know your husband is dancing in heaven patiently waiting to see you. After I lost my mother I got a tattoo of an angel dancing and underneath it says "have fun mom". You are in all my thoughts and prayers. I am so sorry. Michelle

The Eppers said...

I don't really have words, I just want you to know I love you both!

barby said...

ok got it figured out, just want you to know we love you both and we are praying for you and terry.all our love barby and bobby glenn

Carrie said...

Dear Diane,
Please know that I'm praying for both of you right now. Terry is getting ready for his journey and needs strength and you need strength for what you are about to experience as well. I hope it helps you to know that there are many people out here that care for you and are praying.
Carrie in Oregon

bj said...

Oh, dear! Di, do you have someone that will come over and spend the night or a few nights with you? You will need someone to help you get thru this night and tomorrow...or how ever long it might be. Please call someone to come stay with you.
My prayers are flying up as we speak ...I am so sorry your are going thru this and I am so thankful that you have JESUS CHRIST to hold you tight.

TALKAL said...

I love you. I know what you are going through. You might be amazed what all you can do now, because you know that you have to. You might feel as though you are on autopilot and at the same time your heart is breaking and you know that your life will never be the same.
I wish so badly I was there now to be with you.
I love you lady. Know you are in my heart and prayers.
God bless you sweetie,

awisdom said...

We'll be praying for both you and Terry throughout this difficult time.

Jennifer L said...

I am praying for the both of you every day...praying really hard. My heart is breaking for you. Hang in there, sweetie...our Lord is with you & Terry. I am here if you need me.

Much love,

Anonymous said...

I am praying!!

Cyn said...

Diane, you are in my thoughts and prayers. I love you.

Grandma said...

I am praying for you and am so sorry for what you are going through.
Thank you for the comments you took the time to make on my blog.