Friday, February 6, 2009


I love you, O LORD, my strength.The LORD is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge. He is my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold. Psalm 18: 1-2 (NIV)

Do you ever feel like you're barely hanging on? I don't mean physically, as in you're gonna fall off the cliff; I mean spiritually, as in you just don't know how much longer you can trust, how much more you can endure without succumbing to the temptation to doubt God?

That's exactly how I've been feeling the last couple of days. My heart is so broken and my spirit is so heavy, I think surely God must have forgotten about me. I cry out to Him, I beg Him, I plead with Him; yet it seems He cannot hear me. Am I not crying loudly enough? Are my begging and pleading not sincere enough? Why can't I make God hear me? Why won't He answer me when I call? I am just at the end of my proverbial rope!

Then, I remember what I read every time I read an email from a very dear friend. Sandy signs every email with this epitaph "When you reach the end of your rope, you will find the hem of His garment." Ohhhhhh, Sandy, how thankful I am for you! How thankful I am that you are there to remind me that the end of my rope is exactly where I need to be! It is only when I get there that I can touch Him. Just to touch the hem of his garment is enough to heal the aching in my soul; to calm the fear in my mind; to bind up my broken heart and put all the pieces of my fractured trust back together.

St. Matthew tells us in chapter fourteen, verses 35 and 36 "And when the men of that place recognized Him, they sent out into all that surrounding region, brought to Him all who were sick, and begged Him that they might only touch the hem of His garment. And as many as touched it were made perfectly well." (NKJV)

When I read those verses, I am reminded of the Psalmist David who was so often beset with a need to cry out to His God and who so often praised His God for the constancy of His love and provision for him. As in the verses quoted above from chapter eighteen, David recounts to God his love for Him and his assurance of His protection and provision.

Just as the colorful houses in the picture above are perched on the precipice of the cliff by the raging sea, I am often perched on the precipice of doubt and despair. Just as those houses have held secure for many years and their occupants rely on that security, so I rely on the security the Lord Jesus has promised to me in His Word and the examples provided there for my edification. Not only can I trust God because of what He has done for me, but I can trust Him because of His guiding and keeping of His children from the time of Creation and into eternity.

Have I not recounted in the very recent days past how thankful I am to KNOW that I WILL see my husband again? I KNOW that because I TRUST God and what He has done for me and all others who have placed their faith in Him and repented and asked Him into their heart to abide evermore. He is my SAVIOUR, my DELIVERER, my REFUGE, my STRONGHOLD. That doesn't change in the midst of the storm. Indeed, it only intensifies. It is at those times of testing and trials that I should lean on Him the most.

I am so thankful God not only loved me enough to provide an avenue of redemption for me, but He also loves me enough to continually remind me of His provision, His love and His steadfast presence in the form of the Great Comforter, the Holy Spirit. He indwells me and guides me and comforts me, but only if I submit my burdened heart and my broken soul to Him.

Thank you, Lord Jesus, for being my SAVIOUR, my DELIVERER, my REFUGE, my STRONGHOLD and my COMFORTER. Help me Jesus to humbly offer my troubled heart and broken soul to You. Help me let You bear my burden. Forgive me of my pride and lead me in Your paths so that I might lead others to You. I love You, my Jesus. Heavenly Father, You alone are worthy of my gratitude and praise and I offer it to You with a broken and contrite heart. In the precious name of Your Son, Jesus Christ, I make these requests. AMEN


bj said...

Amen, dear friend.
love, bj

Lorrene said...

I seem to be feeling just as you are lately. This helps. Thank you.

The Raggedy Girl said...

Oh you sweet thing. Of course you feel adrift. I would be worried if you felt any other way. Tell God about your doubts as He knows what you are thinking anyway. It is okay to tell God we don't understand and feel abandoned by Him. Also... Hospice... don't put them on the shelf. Ask them for help for you. They have classes to move you along. I went and they were wonderfully helpful. I hold you everyday in prayer. I cannot know how this feels but I can know that it must be overwhelming. Feel anyway you want to feel and don't apologize for how you feel.
Love you too!
Roberta Anne

Joy's Pam said...

Yes Jesus!

Thank-you Diane! You are such a blessing and encouragement to me and so many!

Love you dear Sister!