Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Posting and Pouting......

I have decided to make this post to tell each of you how much I appreciate your support on my blog. When I started this, I had no idea anyone would find anything I had to say in the least worth reading. You all are such a blessing to me!

I am so far behind on visiting your blogs. I have tried to read and comment as often as I could. I just seem to be getting more and more behind. As you all know, losing my husband has left a large hole in my heart. Dealing with the grief has been at times both overwhelming and totally debilitating to me.

While dealing with my grief, I am also dealing with a chronic illness that is getting more and more out of control. I have idiopathic gastroparesis with chronic intestinal psuedo-obstruction. All of those words simply mean that my vagus nerve does not deliver the necessary electrical impulses to my stomach or intestinal muscles to make them work correctly.

Food does not move through my digestive system in a timely manner. There are no known cures for this ailment. However, there are treatment options available. In October, 2004, I had a gastric stimulator implanted with leads attached to my vagus nerve in the abdominal area. It works somewhat like a heart pacemaker in that it delivers the electrical stimulation needed to help my stomach empty into my intestinal tract and then on into my colon and out of my body.

I have suffered with severe alternating constipation and diarrhea for most of my life. The stimulator has made it less troublesome, but it is not a cure. Episodic constipation can result in no bowel movements for 2 weeks or more. Conversely, I have episodes of diarrhea so bad that the food goes quite literally straight through me. I eat and then go immediately to the bathroom to empty.

My original stimulator quit working in the fall of 2006 and was replaced in December, 2006. That stimulator stopped working sometime before last Thanksgiving. Because my husband was so sick and I could not be away for surgery, I opted to just live with it and do the best I could. After Terry went home in January, I scheduled an appointment with my doctor at Vanderbilt in Nashville.

He tested me and, surely enough, the stimulator was completely dead. After an ordeal with Medicare, I was finally able to get on the surgery schedule, but not until July 10. In the meantime, my body is quickly reverting to the old patterns. Constipation is an everyday problem, with bowel movements now coming only about weekly, if then. I am nauseated 24/7 and throw up 15-20 times daily.

I am losing weight, which in and of itself is not a bad thing, it's just the method that's bad! My blood count is now low and I am trying to avoid having to go in for blood prior to surgery. I have ruptured two blood vessels in my stomach due to excessive vomiting. My body cannot manufacture red blood cells quickly enough due to what my body perceived as mal-nutrition. I am also having other symptoms of mal-nutrition even though I continue to be overweight.

I have said all that to say this, I am sorry I haven't been around to visit as often as I should. I miss the visits. I enjoy each of the blogs I visit so very much and I enjoy each of you who write them. You have all become such wonderful new friends! Please just be patient with me and pray for me. As soon as I can get the stimulator replaced on July 10, I expect to begin to feel better almost immediately and be back to myself again.

So, if I don't come around and comment, it's not because I don't enjoy you and your blog, it is simply because I'm just too sick sometimes to be able to sit and read. I find myself more and more needing to just lie quietly and/or sleep. I will be back, Lord willing!!!!


Lori said...

Oh, God bless your heart Diane! I am so sorry to hear you're having so much trouble. :( Not only has your heart been broken, but you're suffering physically too. May the Lord God strengthen you and help you heal. Praying now. :)

donna said...

I have been praying for you and am confident God has placed many in your path through this blog to pray for you, encourage and support are in my thoughts and prayers daily...and am glad you shared this here in your own time....we all need each other...

love and hugs

Keetha Broyles said...

Sorry to hear you are having such a physical struggle.

This is what I think about the blogs - - - you should use them as a blessing and for fun - - - don't let them become an obligation.

When you are behind, don't TRY to catch all the way up. Let the past posts be past and just read the current ones that you enjoy.

I think the key to blogging is to keep it NO PRESSURE and fun.

Hang in there - - - I'm pulling for you.

Shannon said...

You are definitely in my prayers.

I agree with not getting too worried about catching up on your blog reading... it's very easy to "get behind" and feel overwhelmed! Blogging is supposed to be fun and when it starts feeling like an obligation, I think that's when frustration sets in.

Keep your chin up!

donna said...

I just wanted to say I agree with Keetha about blogging


Heidi Pocketbook said...

Diane, I'm so sorry you've been so ill with this condition. I remember your mentioning the disease you struggled with weeks back but I didn't realize just how debilitating it was.

Don't ever worry that you haven't stopped by to comment. I know with all that is on your plate, sometimes it's hard enough to just stop by and you can't take the time to comment or perhaps have the right words when you are struggling so. I've been so upset lately about my prodigal that I've not always visited blogs or had the clarity of mind to comment or even come up with blog posts.

Grandma Elsie said...

I am so sorry this has happeneed again to you. I have been wondering about you .
I wonder if stress and all you have been through makes it worse as well. I will keep you on my prayer list.
I don't worry about not being on my daily bloggers visits .I just can't. Tuesday my daughter had been gone 41 years , killed by a drunk driver so I have not been myself and fathers day is coming up and I almost don't want to go to church, ( except I know I go to worship my Lord and Savior ) .He was father of the year and the year before he died ( 1 year & 23 months ago ) the preacher referred to him in his message as a good example of a Godly father.
God bless you .How I wish I was close to be there for you.
But I will be close in prayer.
Elsie <><

Lorrene said...

I am so sorry to hear about your illness. You take care of yourself and I will be thinking of you and praying.

Angela said...

Hey Diane!

I sure hope that you feel better soon! I don't know what you are going through but I did used to have troubles with some foods that I ate before I had my gallbladder out. I would have to run to the bathroom and be there for what seemed like hours.

Are you taking some vitamins to help you with your nutrition?

In the meantime you take care of yourself and get better!

Hugs & Prayers!

Pat said...

Oh Di,
Can I just say plain and simple...what a miserable condition.
As one who has suffered since I was 14 with a less then perfect digestive system, I sympathize and empathize with you.
I will not cease praying for you...and I believe that one day, in God's perfect timing you will be healed. In Gods perfect time.
I still expect you to stop by and leave a comment on my blog every day - Ha! just kidding. Sometimes a merry heart does do good like a medicine. Rest and be healed.

Trish said...

Dear Di...I am so sorry to hear of this illness and will be praying for you daily. I know that losing your beloved Terry hasn't helped...anxiety can do things to our bodies, so this probably hasn't helped your condition.
Don't apologize for not commenting...Keetha is right. Just take care of yourself...I will keep checking here to see how you are doing...we are blessed to have such a supporting group of lift us before the Throne...We are here with you!