Thursday, April 30, 2009

Musical Memories

I know you've noticed that I have added a music playlist to my blog. It has quite an eclectic assortment of music thereon. I don't usually listen to so much secular music and haven't for several years. I still enjoy almost all types of music, but usually choose to listen to praise and worship music or instrumentals.

I have felt the need lately to re-visit the music Terry and I loved and listened to as we grew in love. Both of us loved music and loved listening to it. His 8 track player was always playing when we were dating. After we got married, the music simply moved indoors with us. It played while we cleaned the house. The car radio or 8 track played while we worked in the yard or washed the car. Our lives were entwined with it.

Those old songs can open memories that I have long had locked away. Listening to them has brought me so much joy, and yes some pain as well. I close my eyes and not only is Terry with me again, but we are young and in love and our lives are spread before us. So much to learn and to do and to experience. Joys and pains we could not have dreamed awaited us. And we were so ready to walk into them because we were together.

Neither of us were talented vocalists, but you wouldn't have thought we knew that if you had been hiding, watching and listening! We sang out loud our love songs to each other. We danced around our house as though we were the only people on the earth. He played his air guitar with the best of them!

Some of the music is later. Music that touched our collective heart as we grew older together. Words and melodies that are the sound track of our life together. I don't know how long it will remain here. It's like my rings, I can't take them off. I now wear his wedding band as well. I wear it on my middle finger next to my rings. It just seems to be the right place for it right now.

It's strange to me that it is still so painful to think of the recent years together, but those memories of the early years bring me so much joy. Looking at pictures of recent years is still hard to do, but I could sit all day looking at pictures from the early years.

The same is true of the music. Very little of the playlist is devoted to music from the later years. The vast majority is the soundtrack of the early years. It seems I have had to begin the journey where we began. I don't know how long it will take to proceed. It's not important. For now, living in those memories is a peaceful and joyful place to be.

'Our song' was always Jim Croce's Time In A Bottle. The words to that song have never been more real to me than now. My memories are our Time In A Bottle and I can take them out and enjoy them any time I want! I am so thankful to have been blessed to have our time together. To have loved and been loved with so much devotion. To have been treasured by a gentle man.

As I heal, I know I will progress to the music and memories of the later years and the quiet contentment of growing older together. The soulful days of growing in the Lord as a family. Learning to trust Him completely with every aspect of our lives, even when it felt as though our lives were flying apart.

Till that time comes, I hope you enjoy a song or two and that, just maybe, one might bring back a nice memory for you too.


Crown of Beauty said...

Dear Diane,
Music is the language of heaven, I believe so. And it is so wonderful that you can listen to music of yesteryears that you and Terry enjoyed together. God is so good to give you this avenue for recalling the warm memories, re-living them, seeing them from the perspective of the years... and I know God is holding your heart, allowing the beautiful memories to wash over the pain of your recent loss.

One thing that helped me when my husband died on November 23, just less than five months ago, was for me to embrace the pain. I sense that you are doing that too. There was a quiet peace that came into my heart each time the teardrops fell, sometimes just so softly I didn't know they were there, and I would just allow the pain to come... and I knew my Jesus was with me too at that very moment.

Have a music filled day, dear Diane.


Lori said...

Diane, you're so blessed with the ability to express in words how you feel. I wish there was something I could say to ease your pain, and though I don't know grief in the sense of losing my "other half", I do indeed know that grief is a journey. And along the way, we find things to help with the pain. I'm so glad your memories are good and that they help you. :)

Constance said...

Most of your choices resonate with me. Dave and I have always loved music and over the many years of our lives together there is a song that defines that time. One of our children (Laura) was even born during a John Denver song. A cassette that Dave made for me to take to the hospital while I was in labor. Music definitely has a healing power. Although Terry is with the Lord it's only a temporary situation. When you're married to your soul mate, the love of your life, it's unimaginable to be apart. I know how I feel about Dave and I hope I never have to know what that's like!

The Raggedy Girl said...

It is always interesting to hear what song a couple picks out as "their song". This was a lovely post and I can sense that a sound of healing in your writing. It is never going to be easy for you Diane because Terry was your true heart friend and you will always miss him and want him back but I think Time will make it easier for you. God bless you.

The Raggedy Girl

Trish said...

I see that we like the same music...John Denver, The Eagles,Bob Seger, Garth and I love Jim Croce. We had his greatest hits cassette for years, until our Grandbabies discovered it and wore it out a few years ago!
Music is always playing around here when I am cleaning...with me singing along LOUDLY...stopping to do a little Jig every now and then.
Music does bring peace and happiness, it brings healing and joy...I think of David in the Psalms dancing before the Lord.
Di...when my sister lost her husband she did the same...she would sit for hours, alone listening to the songs she loved, that and of course God, helped to heal her broken heart. God gave us music...what a gift!
Love and BIG hugs,

Kathy P said...

I love music... my dad was a band teacher. He was sick with Altzhiemer's (sp?) disease for 20 years. The last thing to go... after all our names and only a few months before he died, was his music. He was playing old standards from his youth right up until the end... I may just have to blog about this. Music is more powerful than we can ever fathom...

Terry said...

dear diane..i have your music on low as i am writing to you.
just your mention of the eight track player brings the memories rushing right into my heart.
that and the transistor radio and the old record player playing 45's were all the music we had.
oh nuthin' beats the sound of the eight track player with their broken up melodies as one track ended and the rest of the song continued on the next track, and nuthin' today beats the hiss of the transistor radio or the static of the records.
and the songs!
pure love songs...bobby vinton was my favourite.
these songs of yours and terry's here are so wistfully sweet and yet sad.
oh you even have puppy love here...oh isn't that the greatest thing that you proved that song that yours and terry's WASN'T a puppy love..
i must stop because bernie will wondering why i am crying..
diane, all i listen to nowadays is southern gospel and praise music, but i must say that i love this here "olden day love songs"...

amazing grace is playing now...a nice song to be leaving with me humming...god bless you sweet sister.

Montee said...

Music has always, always helped me through the tough times. It is always there to bring back sweet memories.

Samantha said...

8 track players, what memories that brings back. I enjoy so much of the same music. I am so happy that your shared past music with Terry brings you comfort. Music soothes the soul.
Such a sweet, touching post, you always bless my heart !
Love you so much !

oma aka meme said...

hugs my friend- I am still playing hooky but will be on tract soon - I needed a rest and I took it- and I know you know how important that is for us to do right now-
our song was''strangers in the night- and then the Vince Gil song--''look at us--
papa was a country music man but also like other music plus the Gaithers- have a rainbow rest and Meme will catch up with you soon-

Anonymous said...

yes,music can help you alot.i am so sorry .it will ease but i's going to take awhile.try to stay busy.'
it 's easy to sit here and tell you what to do.i guess what i am trying to say is.i don't know what to say.
at least you do have an outlet here....ann